Tina 00:00:00 Here we are. Guys, this is the final episode of the boundaries series. We're talking about going from people pleaser to boundary expert. So this episode is going to just wrap up the whole series, and I'm going to give you all the key takeaways from week one through eight and all the action steps that we took. And I hope that you can reflect on this whole series and really look at the effect that it's had on you overall. Let's get into it. You're listening to the Soul Online Self-care podcast. I'm your host, Tina Stinson, and I had a stroke at the age of 39 from stress and burnout that shook my world. Now I'm laying it all out. The deep level self-care practices and mindset shifts that I needed that kept me healthy, balanced, and thriving. Join me in this intimate space as we explore healing, resilience, and the soul's journey to alignment. This is where real conversations about deep level self-care happen. Let's get into it. Hey guys, here we are. We're on the final week of the Boundary Series.
Tina 00:01:22 We went from people pleaser to boundary expert. So we're going to wrap it up this week by just going over each week. I'm going to do a quick summary. And then I'm just going to go over the key point from each week. Now if you want. I have a I'm going to have a link in the description in the in the show notes where you could have access to each week. Right. So it'd be really cool. You could binge the whole series if you want. You could share it with anybody you want. It's really, really cool. I'm putting it all in one place for you. So I'm going to start from week one, and I'm going to go all the way to week eight. And you're going to have all the takeaways from the whole series. So week one we talked about breaking free from people please. And we talked about what people pleasing was. Right. And it often stems from survival. And it definitely leads to burnout and disconnection from yourself. And it also kind of feeds like a lack of trust in yourself.
Tina 00:02:21 When you start to set boundaries, you empower yourself. You set limits, you live authentically. So we start taking these steps by observing when you feel compelled to please others, paying attention. It's about really starting to be intentional about what you're experiencing. Begin exploring where you can start to set small boundaries and support your wellbeing. So the key takeaway from week one was that boundaries are about respecting yourself as much as they are about managing other expectations, about showing other people what you want to experience in a relationship. So it really has a lot to do with yourself. Now, when we went into week two, we talked about the emotional toll that people pleasing has on you. So chronic people pleasing impacts your mental, emotional and physical health. It often results in stress, anxiety and definitely burnout. So the first step in setting boundaries is recognizing these feelings. Those feelings are information, right? Those feelings are signs that boundaries are needed. So the key takeaway is paying attention to those uncomfortable feelings. Don't try to push them down.
Tina 00:03:38 Like pay attention them like look them right in the eye and like see what the message is. What is the message from your higher self, from your body guiding you to make healthier choices, setting boundaries, supporting yourself. So that was week two. Week three. We went deeper into that, trusting that your inner. Your inner guidance to define the boundaries. So rebuilding self-trust after years of people pleasing is essential for effective boundary setting. So trusting your intuition allows you to draw boundaries aligned with your authentic needs. So you could do different things. But one of the things that really, really helped me was using journaling to reconnect with my inner guidance and identify where boundaries might be needed. So it's almost to me, sometimes journaling is like having a conversation with your subconscious or your higher self and reflecting on what you're feeling and your boundaries. You know what? I'm sorry. What you're feeling in your body like I just talked about. So paying attention to those uncomfortable, uncomfortable feelings, not trying to push them down or avoid them, acknowledging that they're information, feelings or information, what do they mean and how is it pointing out places where you need those boundaries? Boundaries are completely personal and don't need any external validation, so nobody else needs to approve your boundaries.
Tina 00:05:05 Your boundaries are going to be different from everyone else. We talked about this more in just week, not just week three, but in the whole series. So your own wellbeing is a reason enough to set them. And the only person who knows what's best for you is you. When we moved into week four, we started talking about, understanding how boundaries are self love. Boundaries are a form of self-love and respect, and when you set them, you protect your time, your energy, and your emotional emotional well-being, allowing you to show up for yourself. So it's like a it's like you're it's like you're saying to yourself, I'm worth it. I'm worth it. So if you lack, you know, self-love, and if you feel like you have issues with worthiness, setting boundaries can really help you build that back up again. So once again, identify one small boundary. Just start small that supports your self-care and then commit to it. So loving yourself first invites others to respect and mirror that love back to you.
Tina 00:06:07 We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. I can't say that enough. That should be like, I don't know, maybe I should get a shirt that says that. now, when we moved into week five, we started about we talked more about rebuilding that self-worth through boundaries. Setting boundaries after experiencing emotional harm or abuse helps restore that self-worth that you lose during that that horrible process. It helps you rebuild that trust in yourself. And I experienced this personally. I had no trust in myself. I didn't trust any decision I was making in my life when I got to this really, really low, low point of burnout, and it took a while for me to start to build that trust in myself again. And boundaries is the one thing that really, really helps build that up again. Boundaries are the foundation to all self-care and self-love, I believe. So once again, start by setting those small boundaries. So the key point, the key takeaway from week five was boundaries are foundational to self-worth and allow you to distance yourself from harmful relationships.
Tina 00:07:20 The more, the more that you know what your core values are, and the more you set boundaries around those values, the more you're going to, not be available for crappy relationships, and the more you're going to run into the relationships that you know are aligned and feel feel aligned to you and positive. Moving into week six. So week six was about communicating and forcing the boundaries, which can be hard. Boundaries require clear communication and consistent enforcement, so it's not anyone else's job to respect your boundaries, so to speak. It's about just being consistent people. Most people don't, on purpose disrespect your boundary. Most of the time. They're just not used to you setting boundaries or they're more just thinking about themselves. Okay, everybody is thinking about themselves. So you have to continuously define and communicate the boundary to the other person and eventually it just, you know, becomes normal, right. So using eye statements to communicate your boundaries, to express your needs really helps you get your point across without blaming others, making them feel.
Tina 00:08:38 And you know, then you avoid that conflict of them feeling like they have to defend themselves. It's more about the way you feel. So practice articulating articulating your boundary using I statements and prepare, you know, prepare yourself for any type of pushback that you might say, receive. So it's about really creating those scripts for the boundaries. We talked about that, you know, having the script, practicing it so that it feels natural. So you are comfortable doing it. This can be so helpful when you're starting to communicate boundaries, and it's something that feels really uncomfortable for you when you experience trauma, when you experience abuse. And that's the reason you were people pleaser. And that's the reason why you had no boundaries. Boundaries don't feel safe at first. And so practicing using those eye statements and practicing your script and practicing how you're going to respond and maintain that boundary is so important. It helps you become more comfortable with the process. So the key takeaway is boundaries are a tool for self-care, not rejection or control of another person.
Tina 00:09:45 They help create aligned, respectful connections with other people. Moving into week seven last week, boundaries are a tool for stress recovery. So when you lack boundaries, that often leads to stress and burnout. And I shared my story of when I had my vertebral dissection and my stroke. And setting limits really helps protect your energy and make room for recovery and healing. This is why boundaries change over time. So you could imagine when I first had my stroke, that I needed a lot of boundaries after that to protect myself in order to be able to heal. And as I started to set boundaries, and those boundaries were the foundation for my self-care and for my self-love, you can imagine that I started to build up that resilience. I was able to respond to the stresses of everyday life instead of constantly reacting. And at that point, my boundaries started to change. I didn't need as many boundaries, you know, I didn't. I never stop setting boundaries. We set boundaries for the rest of our life.
Tina 00:10:47 And so it's really about like tuning into your body once again and, you know, you know, reevaluating what your, your, your core values are and continuously keeping yourself aligned with those aligned with those values and really communicating them and, you know, communicating them with those eyes statements, again, communicating them in the relationship of how you want to experience that relationship with the with this other person. So the key takeaway for week seven was really that boundaries allow you to prioritize what matters to you, focusing your energy on areas that align with your values and your wellbeing. So this this is like saying no to what doesn't fill you up and saying yes to the things that do. It's very simple. All right. And here we are. We're at week eight And we are becoming a boundary expert. So becoming a boundary expert really involves shifting from seeking external approval to honouring your true self. Once again, it's like the way we treat ourselves. We teach people how to treat us. They look at that and they mirror that to us.
Tina 00:12:04 And so we have to look at what are our core values, what feels aligned, what feels good, and how do I set boundaries to support that in my life? How can I honor my true self, my true authentic self? This journey totally requires continual continual practice, continual evaluation. So it's about slowing down every day and tuning into yourself. But when you do this, it leads to healthier and more authentic connections. It it leads to better physical health. It leads to better mental health. So it's about understanding people pleasing and why we do it. It's often rooted in a desire for safety and acceptance. And, you know, knowing that people pleasing can erode our self-trust over time. And it could like kind of like beat down, beat us down and like start leading us down a path of burnout. Boundaries are a powerful way to rebuild that trust, okay. We create authentic connections when we have strong boundaries and we're communicating them well. Relationships built on mutual respect thrive when you show up as yourself, boundaries included.
Tina 00:13:20 You're you're not only doing yourself a favor, you're making things easier for the other person. They don't have to guess what you expect. You're defining it and you're communicating it to them. You're making the relationship so much easier. And when you do this, when you when you build a relationship this way, there's more trust. I feel like there's. I feel like there's more trust. I feel like it's more authentic. I feel you feel more connected to that person because you're really showing all your true colors. You're not hiding anything. You're not pretending to be something that you're not. So you have more authentic connections. And I think these connections really kind of last longer. You start to also outgrow old patterns, you know, so like something that you might have done a long time, for a long time, like for example, when I used to be a people pleaser, I one of the patterns that I noticed was that I showed up for everyone the way I thought that would please them. I wasn't showing up as myself when I started the set and maintain boundaries, I just I outgrow.
Tina 00:14:29 I outgrew this pattern immediately. You can't. You cannot show up as your authentic self and set boundaries and maintain them and be a people pleaser at the same time. So obviously I outgrew that. So that's one of the beautiful benefits of setting and maintaining boundaries. So I guess one thing I really want to say is setting boundaries is a skill, and each boundary set is a step towards empowering yourself. And I want you to think of all the things that we talked about and how how boundaries support you every single day, how boundaries support your relationships, your health, mental, both mental and physical, and how they help bring in, they help. How do I say this? They help create that space for you to do all the things you love and spend time with the people that you love, you know they help you avoid the things that aren't serving you in that moment. So a takeaway that I want you to have from this whole series is I really want you to celebrate your progress that you've had, setting any boundaries that you might have set through this whole series.
Tina 00:15:49 No matter how small, I want you to reflect on the changes that have occurred since you began on this journey. Boundaries are a lifelong practice, but each one brings a new level of freedom and empowerment and self-respect, self-love, self-worth. You're building that up. So as a final reflection to this series, I want you to ask yourself, how has my relationship with myself change since I started setting boundaries? What activity? What aspects of my life feel more aligned and fulfilling? So one of the things that I could say has changed for me since I started setting boundaries. One of the most powerful things is the most important things is my relationship with my children. My relationship with my children is so close, so authentic. And I love how my children are comfortable showing up exactly how they are with me. They know that I will respect every ounce of who they are no matter what, and they do the same thing for me. And so these types of relationships are so powerful, so loving, so supportive, and so deep.
Tina 00:17:04 I think that, you know, that's one of the most important takeaways that I got from going from a people pleaser to a boundary badass. But also my relationship with myself has changed because I have so much more self-respect, so much more self-worth. I have so much more faith in my decisions. I don't question my decisions because I tune into my body and I know my decisions. I know what they're based on. They're based on the feelings, the communication that I have with my body. Your body. Your physical body is always healing itself. It's self-healing as long as you create that space for it. And so I would say that you're a partner with your body and your healing. And so one of the ways that you could be a good partner with your body is by listening to the information that it's giving you feelings or information. And I think it's so important to remember that. So my relationship with myself is so solid and so strong now I've reconnected with myself. I trust my intuition, I trust my decisions, and even when I don't make the right decision, I look at it as, you know, a learning, you know, experience.
Tina 00:18:23 Well, what did I learn from that? Sometimes I just believe. I truly believe this, that everything that happens, our life is teaching us something, you know? So if something turns out not the way I wanted it to. I always try to look for the experience of learning from it, because that's the positive way to move forward. I think that those things, you know, help us create a deeper connection with ourselves. If we could move into, you know, unwanted outcomes like that, when you start to embrace boundaries and as just, you know, a skill and something that's a part of life that we have to do, you're protecting your peace, you're nurturing your self-worth, and you pave the way for a life that is truly aligned. You're aligned with yourself. You're aligned with other people. You're aligned with the experiences that come into your life. You're aligned with everything. And so I hope that you enjoyed this boundary series as much as I did. And as I said, I'm going to put that link in the show notes that will just lead you right to a page that has all of the podcast episodes on there.
Tina 00:19:33 And once again, I want you to ask yourself that question. How has my relationship with myself changed since I started setting boundaries, and what aspects of my life feel more aligned and fulfilling? And if you haven't set any boundaries yet. Then start paying attention to the information that you're getting from your bodies and your feelings, feelings, or information and set that first boundary. And I would love to connect with you. So you could do that by, coming over to our group on Patreon. It's called the Soul Alliance Self-care insiders. And so come over there. You can communicate with me there, you can communicate with me on Instagram, and all that information will be in the show notes. But I would love to hear from you what your thoughts are and any really moments that you've had, setting and maintaining some of those boundaries. Okay. Love you. See you next week.
