From People Pleaser to Boundary Badass: A Journey to Empowerment

From People Pleaser to Boundary Badass: A Journey of Self-Care and Empowerment

Listen to the podcast episode here.

Hey there! In the latest episode of the "Soul Aligned Self-Care Podcast," I share my transformative journey from being a chronic people pleaser to becoming a confident "boundary badass."

This episode kicks off a new series all about the critical role of boundaries in self-care and self-love, especially for those of us who have faced challenges like low self-worth, trauma, or abusive relationships.

Understanding People-Pleasing: The Root Causes

I open up about my own past, recounting a 20-year experience in a verbally abusive relationship that conditioned me to prioritize the needs of others over my own. This experience, I explain, is not uncommon; many people find themselves caught in the cycle of people-pleasing due to various factors:

Fear of Rejection and Abandonment
Childhood Experiences: Many people-pleasers have a history of childhood experiences where they felt the need to meet others' expectations to avoid rejection or abandonment.
Adult Relationships**: This fear often carries into adult relationships, where individuals compromise their own needs to maintain harmony and avoid conflict.

Low Self-Esteem
External Validation: People-pleasers often tie their self-worth to their ability to please others, believing they are only deserving of love and acceptance when they are "good" or helpful.
Cycle of Overachievement**: This belief can lead to a cycle of overachievement and self-sacrifice, where individuals feel they must constantly prove their worth through their actions.

Societal Conditioning
Gender Roles: Societal pressures, particularly on women, to prioritize the needs of others can lead to feelings of guilt when they attempt to prioritize their own needs.
"Mom Guilt"**: This is especially pervasive among mothers, who may struggle to take time for self-care without feeling selfish.

Trauma Response
Coping Mechanism: Individuals who have experienced abuse or neglect may adopt people-pleasing behaviors as a coping mechanism to avoid further harm.
Appeasing Behavior**: This can manifest in various ways, from trying to appease an angry parent to seeking approval from a critical partner.

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

I emphasize that setting boundaries is not just about creating rules for others; it is about making personal declarations of what feels right for oneself. Boundaries serve as a protective measure, allowing individuals to prioritize their well-being and cultivate a sense of self-worth.

Reclaiming Personal Power

Trusting Your Inner Voice: I reflect on my journey of reclaiming my power and learning to trust my inner voice. I encourage you to recognize that you are worthy of love and respect, regardless of your ability to please others.

Personal Declarations**: Setting boundaries involves making personal declarations about what feels right for oneself, rather than just creating rules for others.

Building Resilience
Foundation of Resilience: I introduce the concept of boundaries as the foundation of resilience. In my own journey, I initially lacked resilience and would become easily overwhelmed by stress.

Navigating Challenges: By learning to set and maintain boundaries, I could build the resilience necessary to navigate life's challenges.

The Emotional Toll of People-Pleasing

I candidly discuss the physical and emotional consequences I faced due to people-pleasing, including hair loss, weight fluctuations, and an inability to connect with my emotions. These experiences highlight the urgent need for individuals to recognize when and where boundaries are necessary in their lives.

Physical Consequences

Burnout: Chronic people-pleasing can lead to burnout, manifesting in physical symptoms such as hair loss and weight fluctuations.

Health Issues: The stress of constantly prioritizing others' needs can take a toll on one's physical health.

Emotional Consequences

Emotional Disconnect: People-pleasers may struggle to connect with their own emotions, leading to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction.

Mental Health: The constant pressure to please others can contribute to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

Actionable Steps to Becoming a Boundary Badass

I encourage you to make a conscious decision at a soul level to prioritize your own wants and needs. This decision, I believe, is the first step toward establishing healthy boundaries and reclaiming your power.

Reflect on Your Patterns

Self-Awareness: Take time to reflect on your own life and consider the various influences that may have contributed to your people-pleasing tendencies.

Acknowledge Patterns: Acknowledge these patterns and begin the process of aligning with your true self—what I refer to as your "soul level."

Set Clear Boundaries
Identify Needs: Identify your own needs and make a conscious effort to prioritize them.
Communicate Boundaries**: Clearly communicate your boundaries to others and be firm in maintaining them.

Practice Self-Care
Prioritize Well-Being: Make self-care a priority in your life, recognizing that you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Self-Love: Cultivate self-love by treating yourself with the same kindness and respect that you offer to others.

This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the journey toward self-empowerment through boundary-setting. I will share my story, experience, and practices as a guiding light for you if you're seeking to break free from the constraints of people-pleasing and embrace your authentic self.

By setting healthy boundaries, you can protect your emotional well-being, build resilience, and create a foundation for self-care practices that promote healing and resilience.

Join me in the next episode, where I'll go deeper into the emotional toll of people-pleasing and provide insights on recognizing when boundaries are needed.

This series promises to offer practical tools and insights to help you break free from people-pleasing behaviors and embrace your authentic self.

Until next week,

Xo, T