Life On My Terms: Finding Your Soul Family

I believe this will be the last of the Life On My Terms Series as I feel a shift moving into something else. Maybe it's the change of seasons, but I definitely feel a shift.

This topic, Finding Your Soul Aligned Friends & Family, is something that is very close to my heart. I’ve had to do this many times over for different reasons. 

There are some people who will always be in my life and then there are some who have come and gone. Either way, there will always be times throughout your life when there is a need to expand your soul posse.

The first time I had to do this was when I came out of a very verbally abusive relationship where I lost the connection and trust in myself. When this happens, it’s hard to stay close to your soul family. Then, I also had to do this the many many times I moved in my life. 

As we get older, I think this gets difficult because of a few reasons. Sometimes we just know who we are and are very picky about who we let into our lives. I think this is a good thing. Sometimes. The way we may connect before is now gone, As an example, Maybe you made connections through your kids and all their activities with their parents. Another example is, maybe you made connections through work and now you work from home. Either way, I think we will all have trouble connecting with each other at some point in our lives and I wanted to share a few things that have worked for me. 

Find Your Authentic Self

So this is what I had to do when I came out of that abusive relationship. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I spent most of my time people-pleasing to avoid conflict so I also didn’t even know what my likes and dislikes were. Also, the friends I did make at this time were not always authentic because of my people-pleasing behavior. I would just turn into whatever that person found acceptable. This was a survival technique I had to use from that relationship. Once I started to heal myself I realized that these relationships were not aligned and I started to drift away from them naturally. 

To find yourself again, ask these questions.

-Do you find yourself holding back, muting yourself, or softening your behavior out of fear of being judged or rejected? Pay attention to when you do this and redirect yourself to being your authentic self. Yes, I know this can be scary, but if you want true authentic relationships then this is how you have to show up, You need to show up this way FIRST.

-Define your likes and dislikes. What are your core values? What is important to you and what do you define as unacceptable as a trait in another person? As an example, for me anyone who shows unkindness and is not accepting of all types of people, I have NO space for this in my life. I need to only have kind and accepting people in my life. 

-Pay attention to WHO you filter your behavior with and ask yourself why. Then DECIDE to show up authentically. This isn’t just out of respect for yourself but to them also. No one wants to really be friends with someone who is not showing up, they want you to be you. Showing up as an inauthentic version of yourself is somewhat dishonest to you and to them and is not a way to start a relationship with anyone. 

-This process is about being aware of yourself and how you're showing up and to keep choosing to stay in your authenticity. 

Step Into Your Authentic Self

Once you rediscover who you are, what you love, and who you want to spend time with. Start to step into yourself more and more on a daily basis. 

-Don’t be afraid to show up as you out of fear of loss. I understand, losing a close relationship or family member can be scary. But I’m here to tell you out of experience, you will be pleasantly surprised by these people in your life. They might have the same likes as you and then this will give them permission to show up as themselves authentically also! What this creates is a deeper connection and more authentic connection with this person. This is what we all want. Most of the time when a relationship is not aligned what happens is you will just slowly drift apart. It's not usually a big dramatic thing. What happens is, that you show up as you, it doesn’t feel aligned anymore, so you both kind of drift apart. A little less scary but still can be sad to think about. What I found with my own experience was that the deeper connections I made with my Soul Aligned Family made up for any loss I might have been feeling. 

“When you create aligned relationships where you can be 100% yourself. You show up relaxed, and in a positive state. In these relationships, you will feel more supported, connected, and loved than you can ever imagine. You will also be giving the same thing back to relationship.”

This Work Takes Time

Remember, this work will take some time. Especially if you are like I was, disconnected with myself. So be patient and kind. 

You will slip back into the older version of yourself.

Just keep bringing yourself back to the true you. 

Keep doing the work.

The relationships you create, your Soul Family Relationships, are so worth the effort. 

Where Do I Find The Weirdos Like Me:)

I say this not as an insult but as a compliment. Because once you step into yourself, you might seem weird to people who are not in your soul family. 

When someone calls me weird I take it as a compliment, as a confirmation that I am showing up as my true self. Because if I’m “acting” NORMAL that's a sign I’m conforming to societal standards which is just a lie for all people. No one is normal. We are all unique individuals. 

Acting normal is just as it is said. ACTING.

So where do you find your Soul Family? 

Do the things you love to do, They will be there. 

I’m sorry, it's just that simple. 

If you love growing veggies, go to a gardening class.

You love running, sign u for a race.

If you love singing, go to karaoke or take singing lessons.

You love playing the guitar. Start a band. 

Does it take guts sometimes to show up in new places? Sure but what's the alternative?

Staying normal? Screw being normal.

I hope this was helpful. 

As always, share this with someone you know needs it, and be sure to tune into the Soul Aligned Self Care Podcast where I go deeper on all of these subjects. While you're there, if you love the podcast be sure to leave me 5 stars and a review. If you do this, share a screenshot of your review with me by emailing it to [email protected] and I’ll send you a free guided meditation as a thank you!

Stay weird and let your freak flag fly.

Xo, T