Tina 00:00:00 On the podcast today we have special guest Michelle Gauthier, a life coach who turns chaos into calm. She helps busy, overwhelmed women find peace and efficiency. She is the host of the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast. She's a single mom of two adopted kids, and she left a 20 year corporate career in 2017 to become a life coach. Since then, she's guided hundreds of women to balance careers and home life with ease. So we had such a fun conversation, so let's get into it. You're listening to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. I'm your host, Tina Stinson, and I had a stroke at the age of 39 from stress and burnout that shook my world. Now I'm laying it all out. The deep level self-care practices and mindset shifts that I needed that kept me healthy, balanced, and thriving. Join me in this intimate space as we explore healing, resilience and the soul's journey to alignment. This is where real conversations about deep level self-care happen. Let's get into it. Hello, Michel, welcome to the Salt Line Self-care podcast.
Tina 00:01:20 How are you doing today?
Michelle 00:01:21 I'm doing great. Thanks for having me.
Tina 00:01:23 Yes, thank you for coming on. I am so excited to talk to you today. Some of the topics that we talked about just a few seconds ago when we were chatting. are very interesting to me, and I would love to just like, dive right into it and go into social rules that hold women back. And that's very interesting to me, because this has been at the top of my mind lately, and I feel I feel like it's at the top of everyone's minds, or at least the women out there. Yes. So if you could talk on that a little bit, I would love to have this conversation.
Michelle 00:01:58 Okay. Wonderful. So, as you probably have already said, I'm a life coach and I help women who are feeling overwhelmed. And so when I'm helping them try to create a life that feels more authentic and calm for themselves, I just started noticing trends among like what? The things that they were struggling with.
Michelle 00:02:19 And it's almost as I was just thinking about this as a concept. I'm thinking as women, we just get socialized into certain things, and there are like these rules that are in place for us that we never agreed to. There's no contract. Nobody ever set us down and told us to do this, but somehow it's just unconsciously, like socialized, and we start acting from there without knowing it. And so the reason why I started really thinking about this is because I thought we are just blindly, unconsciously following this and we need to like, step up and say, do I want to follow this rule? Because lots of them, I think we do not. And I'm sure you're very familiar with, and I've probably talked about the work of Brené Brown. She talks a lot about this as well, even the Barbie movie. Did you see the Barbie movie?
Tina 00:03:11 Oh, yeah. I love the Barbie. I saw the Barbie movie with my 84 year old father.
Michelle 00:03:17 Oh my gosh, what did he think?
Tina 00:03:19 He really liked it.
Tina 00:03:20 He's very, he's very up on the times. Like I have to say, he's he's such a good guy. And so he wanted to come and see it. And so he loved it. But yes, the Barbie movie.
Michelle 00:03:32 Yes. Yes. It's just there's that speech that America Ferrera gives where she just talks about how hard it is to be a woman. And I think she really touches on it too. So the thing, the things that I see among the women I work with, the expectations, the first one I would say is like, we need to be perfect. So you have to have this amazing career. You have to if you're a mother, you have to also execute that perfectly. And also, I think this is the part that's like, what? Where the hell did this come from? Is to make it all look effortless. So like, you should go to work and work like you don't have children, and then you should be able to be the kind of mother where it seems like you don't have a job, and all of a sudden this is just put upon us.
Michelle 00:04:17 Because luckily for us, we have all these opportunities now, you know, to be able to do all these things. But I do think that women, without realizing it, are just trying to do all of that and do it perfectly. And yeah, and I, I think too well, I don't know. Did you feel do you have that experience.
Tina 00:04:37 Absolutely. So and I have to add, not only do we have to do it and make it look so easy, we also have to look good. We have to look good. Otherwise, you know, and we can't look too good. You know, we can't look too good. That is literally number.
Michelle 00:04:53 Three on the list.
Tina 00:04:54 Yes. We can't look to we have to look put together too. Or we're just, like, letting ourselves go and and so, trying to and I think it's, it's really intentional. And now I think a lot of the people that are, it's been kind of like ingrained in our society at this point so that people aren't like going home and they're like, oh, I'm going to intentionally make this person feel less than they are.
Tina 00:05:17 No, it's just ingrained in our society. And so, but that's what it's meant to do. It's make us it's to make us always feel like we're less than. So we're always just, like, never reached that point where we're just we just feel so content and fulfilled with what, what we are on a daily basis. We have to always try hard or do more and be better. Right? And so yes, I think that, yeah, I was like buying all into that 100%, you know, my in my 30s and my 40s and, and as a single mom, I have to add and I'm sure all the single moms out there can like, definitely agree with me. There is this like expectation that you're just going to be this horrible mom and you're just going to fuck everything up because you're a single mom and it's it's almost like you feel like you have to try even harder. Like you're living up to some something, you know, that's an impossible thing to achieve or reach.
Tina 00:06:19 And so I definitely think this attributed to my burnout and my stroke and just never feeling. I still say today like it always felt like I was half assing everything. Everything. Everything felt half assed. I never felt and I just I did learn how to accept that feeling. So it got to the point where I'm and like, now it serves me because I will go in and try anything and I will like, fuck it all up over and over again. I don't care if it's perfect, I don't care what it looks like, I just do it right. And so I think that's one of the benefits that came from that.
Michelle 00:06:55 But yes, yes. But once you realized it and accepted what you were doing, and then you were able to take action from there. Yeah, I agree, and you know, your point about be sexy and look really good, but not too much. Like you don't want to make other women feel uncomfortable, but you want to be attractive enough that men think you're attractive.
Michelle 00:07:16 And I think that is just such a great way to keep women really small. Like, don't be the full expression of yourself in any way, shape or form. You know, just do what everybody else is thinking. And the combination of those first two that we talked about, I feel like, really puts us in the position where we are always feeling inadequate and always feeling shame about who is this too much? Is this not enough? Am I doing this perfectly? Am I making it look easy? It's like you can never succeed. These are impossible standards that you can never succeed at. And I think, you know, the third way that it really plays out is that it's the same thing about speaking your mind. So yes, speak your mind, but don't upset anyone. Where? At least in the corporate world, a woman would get labeled as a bitch. Where if a man said the exact same thing, it would. It would just be like, oh yeah, he's straightforward.
Tina 00:08:12 Yes.
Tina 00:08:12 No. Yeah.
Michelle 00:08:13 And so.
Tina 00:08:14 Exactly. And and I am going to fully admit that when I was younger, I had the worst kind of judgments about other women because I was so like, for lack of better words, I was so like, in The Matrix. I was just like, yeah, I was believing all of it. Yeah. And you know, but but now when I hear someone call a woman a bitch, I just take it as like, it's a compliment. And so, I don't judge them. I just think, well, they're probably just a strong woman, depending on who is coming from, you know? Yeah. The comments come exactly because that's a strong woman. So they're going to be labeled a bitch or if there are too emotional. Okay. so that's just the funniest one. When men call women emotional because men are so they're the ones that are so emotional, you know, they're like punching holes and walls and screaming. And I'm like, okay, who's emotional?
Michelle 00:09:10 so that's so funny.
Michelle 00:09:12 I think it's a good point, though, that you too were judgmental and believe that. And me too, because we again, we were following these rules ourselves. And so when you're playing this game, you're like, why is she playing outside the rules? She needs to get it back and check and like, be nicer and say that more softly or whatever. And I don't know, I think it impacts all of us differently, but like, it definitely causes those feelings of shame and inadequacy. And when you feel that, then you feel like you're just not a valuable person, unable to connect with other people, etc.. So it's like, I just picture shame is like backing yourself into a corner or shutting a door and going in there. And so I think it's so important for us to talk about this because then we can really say, wait, I'm feeling this shame from a rule that I didn't agree to follow, and I don't need to follow that anymore. And I want to talk to other women about it, like you and I are talking about it now.
Michelle 00:10:10 Hopefully there's a bunch of people listening to this who are also getting that same message. So by us just questioning it, talking about it, being vulnerable, about being someone who played that game before, I think we can really take away the shame and just bring women forward by allowing us to have a choice to think about it.
Tina 00:10:29 Yeah. And I think, I think another interesting, interesting thing that we kind of touched on a little bit before we started recording was my gray hair and and just to start off that conversation, I think it's really interesting that people look at women a lot of times when they get to be middle aged and they're like, oh, she's letting herself go. She doesn't wear makeup anymore, and she doesn't know she's not letting herself. Well, you know what it is. She's finally comfortable with herself. She's finally ran out of Fox. She doesn't give a shit anymore, and she's just going to be comfortable, and I, I and I used to judge women, too.
Tina 00:11:11 I used to say these same things, and now here I am. I'm 56 and I'm like. Like I'm like. Like I don't care. Like I just, I want to be. I want to feel like myself. I, I'm going to do what I want to do, and I just don't care what anybody thinks anymore. And yeah, and my gray hair now, I did as I said, I did do it because my hair was damaged and it was getting thinner. But now it's just it's just so fraying, you know, I don't have to. I get my hair cut like 2 or 3 times a year and that's it. That's how. That's when I go. My hairdresser doesn't even remember my name, you know.
Michelle 00:11:48 Oh my gosh, you.
Tina 00:11:49 Know, you're probably.
Michelle 00:11:50 So rich too. That's the pricey price.
Tina 00:11:53 I don't do my nails. I have. I'm I've been blessed with my mother's genes and I have very nice nails, but I don't. And if I do paint my nails, I just do it myself.
Tina 00:12:03 So I it's like I just, I like, I'm very probably plain tomboyish, like, I like to wear plain clothes and I didn't always, like, present myself that way. I used to get dressed up like when I sold real estate, and you know what I mean? And now I'm just like, I'm just comfortable. And so I. I thought about it. It was like coming down hard on myself about it a little bit. It's like, oh, you're just you're just like falling into what, the same thing, other middle, you know, I'm, you know, I'm going to cut my hair short to I would love to cut my hair short. So, so I'm going to like cut it like right here. It feels so good when it's there. I don't have to put in an a ponytail when I run. Yeah. That's the that's my reason for doing it. And so it's like and then I gave it a lot of thought and I was like, yeah, women are just that's when they feel comfortable enough to be themselves.
Tina 00:12:53 And how sad is that that it takes some women like myself, 56 years to get there. 56 years? That's like, you know, so when I see my kids, my daughters, stepping into exactly who they are and who they want to be and like, owning it, I'm so proud.
Michelle 00:13:13 You know, same same same like, that's we can we grew up with that and we learned about it. And now we can not pass that down. Yes we can. We can break that pattern entirely. And yeah I love when you're like, oh, she's just letting herself go. Maybe that is exactly what we're doing. We're letting go of all the crap that we've been trying to pretend to do all this time and just doing what we actually want to do. And I think so much, you know, one of the other big things I see with my clients is people pleasing and people pleasing is anytime you're thinking about somebody else over yourself and doing things for what other people might think, which of course, we never know what they're thinking above yourself.
Michelle 00:13:55 And if you think about the way you dress, it's often based on that. Like, what will other people think? If I don't wear a navy blue suit to my office in Connecticut or, you know, whatever it is?
Tina 00:14:07 Yeah.
Michelle 00:14:07 And so now I've just I feel so much freedom in being like, what makes me happy to wear what feels comfortable to me. What do I feel best in? Because I think when we do that, you're really projecting what you wanted to project in the first place. Like, this is the real me. This is how I look and this is how I feel. And like just even hearing you describe with such confidence how you look. Now imagine what you're giving off versus before when you were doing it for someone else, whoever that someone else was.
Tina 00:14:38 Yeah. And a lot of times it's to hold the eye of a of men, you know, it's like that, the culture in our culture, we center men and everything. We center men in our lives.
Tina 00:14:51 And so keeping the male gaze. And I'm just like, I. Am I interested in keeping the male gaze? No, actually, I'd like to, like, reflect it. Like if I could have, like, mirrors on me. Like, don't pay attention to me. Leave me alone. Like, you know, unless you're going to be a friend or be nice or, you know, like, I don't want, sexual attention from men. Like, I just don't. I'm just not interested. I'm done. I don't like if it happens someday, maybe I don't know, but, like, I'm just like. I could do without it. I'm very happy. And so, once you, like, realize that, you know, when you, when you that when you have that shift, it's kind of like, man. Like how much of that was I doing just to get attention, you know? And what am I doing for myself now? Even if there were men didn't exist, I do like getting dressed up sometimes.
Tina 00:15:46 I like wearing makeup. I like putting makeup on. I do like doing my nails sometimes. So it's it's like, but I'm doing that for myself. But when, When I'm getting up every day, getting dressed up, putting makeup on, doing my hair, shaving my legs every single day, I'm not doing that for myself. I'm doing that for, you know, others. And and when you let go of that, it's so. Oh, it's just so freeing, you know? And when you feel free and you're being yourself, you're being very authentic about who you are. It just feels like everything else flows in you. Connect with the people you're supposed to connect with, the people who should be giving you that attention. Come into your field and the people who you know you don't want attention from. They don't come into your field. It's like it's a it's an energy that you give off. And so I totally agree. Yeah, yeah, it's cool, it's cool.
Michelle 00:16:40 But it's really cool.
Michelle 00:16:41 I think we have a lot more control over it than we were taught.
Tina 00:16:46 Yeah I think, I think that it's just I see it shifting in the younger generations and that makes me really happy and I just hope it continues to shift so that God women could just be more comfortable. They could exhale for, you know. Yeah, for the first time, I.
Michelle 00:17:02 Think even getting in the habit of asking themselves, like my 13 year old daughter will do this, what do I want to do? What do I think about this that did not cross my mind till I was over 40?
Tina 00:17:14 Oh yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. The people going back to the people pleasing thing, I was a professional, award winning people pleaser. Like, like I spent most of my adult life and I just I didn't even realize what I was doing most of the time. It took me. I was not just doing this in like, romantic relationships. I was sharing this with everyone. And I didn't realize this probably until, 2020.
Tina 00:17:42 Probably because you just have so much time to think during the pandemic. Right. And and during like, you know, all the different, opinions and political matters and stuff like that. Talking to friends and having like, friendships fall apart and then was watching what's happening and then being to myself. I've been friends with these people for years and years and years and years, and now I'm just first realizing that I have absolutely nothing in common with these women at all. And I'm like, why am I even friends with these people? We don't even have the same values. We don't. And it's because I was showing up for these people the way I thought they wanted me to show up. So each person, I think I was becoming a different person for each person, and it showed up in weird ways. Like, I noticed that I could never get all my friends together in one room because they were all so different, because I was different with each one. And then I just noticed that I had nothing like once I started really being authentic with myself and being an authentic person, which was such a work in progress for me.
Tina 00:18:51 Then I realized that those relationships started to fall apart because I didn't have anything in common with those people. And so people pleasing was, something that was very strong in my life for a really long time until recently. Yeah.
Michelle 00:19:06 Very strong. Yeah. I do feel like, you know, as women, we are socialized to put other people first. And so people pleasing just kind of comes naturally to us then. But when you really look into it, it's kind of fascinating to me because what we're really trying to do is to control other people's opinions of us, right? When you're doing something you don't want to do, saying yes to something that doesn't feel good to you, it's because we're thinking, well, I don't want them to be unhappy with me, or I want them to think I'm a super hard worker or whatever it is. So I like to tell my clients because they think if they don't, people please, they're not nice. And I'm like, it's not nice to try to control the way that someone thinks about you either.
Michelle 00:19:47 That's controlling people. Pleasing is just a way to try to control your world and the feedback you get and all of that.
Tina 00:19:54 Yeah. That's true. I never even I actually didn't think of it that way. Because also people pleasing is something that a lot of people do to protect themselves from, from bad situations like, you know, abusive relationships and stuff like that. It's or even they might have grown up in an abusive family situation. And so that was how they protected themselves in those times and avoided any type of conflict or disruption in the household. And so, yeah, it comes from so many different places. But most of all, I think the number one pattern, problem, sorry, is what you said first, which is we are we're kind of raised women are raised to be to put everybody else first before themselves. And they are women wear that, like, with a badge of honor. You know, they're kind of like, oh, I, you know, and we talk about women that way too.
Tina 00:20:46 They're like, oh, she's so selfless, selfish, selfless. My God, I can't say it.
Michelle 00:20:53 She says your brain will let you. Yeah.
Tina 00:20:57 But yeah, it's it's it's just so true. And one of the, one of my most favorite quotes is you shouldn't have to set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
Michelle 00:21:08 And that's such a good quote. Yes, I love it.
Tina 00:21:11 I wish I remembered who said it, but like, it really resonates. So I yeah.
Michelle 00:21:16 Yeah, absolutely. And I think you're right, it does just tries to keep us safe and out of conflict and make sure everybody's happy with us. And that's just not our job. And it's okay to just not care if if someone's upset with you. I'm not saying someone just recently said to me, I was having coffee with a friend and she's like, you know, we had coffee a couple months ago and you said something to me that I keep thinking about, and I guess I didn't even remember saying this to her, but she was saying, well, I really want to do this thing, but I keep thinking about what other people will think.
Michelle 00:21:46 And I was like, yeah, I just, I just don't do that anymore. And she's like, what do you mean? I said, I just don't care about what other people think about me anymore. And she thought I was joking. She started laughing and then she's like, I realized, you're serious. You're serious about that, aren't you? I'm like, yes, I really, genuinely am. But her, her question about it was, but you're such a kind, loving person. And I was like, right, I care about people. It's just what people are thinking about me is really none of my business. So I'm not a person who's like, f you. I don't care what you think about me. It's not that. It's like, no, I have tons of compassion and care and love, and I want you to be living your best life. But if you're like, I don't know why she posts so much on Facebook about her business, I don't care. Yeah, I don't care if you think that or not.
Michelle 00:22:31 So yeah, yeah, it took me a while to get there for sure, but I can say I'm there. I don't spend any time. I have so much free time in my head not worrying about what other people are thinking about me.
Tina 00:22:41 Oh my God, that's just such a that's a quote right there. I have so much free time in my head. Yeah, not worrying about what other people think about me. Yeah. And and that concept is really hard for a lot of people to embrace that. What somebody else thinks about you is none of your business. And I think I learned that from the book The Four Agreements, which a lot of people read, because that's like one of the I think that's one of the four agreements, is what other people think of you is just none of your business. And can I just tell you, it took me a long time to really embrace that. It took me. I was like, yeah, it is. It's absolutely my business. Yeah.
Michelle 00:23:18 Exactly. I learned it in Al-Anon and it was the same where it was like I heard it and it made my brain hurt and I was like, that doesn't even make sense. What are you talking about? And then eventually you get to it. Because even if I said to someone, what do you think about me? They're going to be like, oh, I think you're great. Like, you don't know anyway. Even if even if they directly tell you, you don't know anyway. So I don't know. Free up that real estate in your brain. Do something else.
Tina 00:23:41 Exactly. Get a new hobby. When it comes to people pleasing and, women, people pleasing. Because, like both of us, mostly work with women. what do you think is the first step that somebody could take to start, honoring themselves more? No. Not feel like guilty? No.
Michelle 00:24:06 I think noticing noticing that they are people pleasers. So if, I mean, I might have made a joke that I was the people pleaser in my 30s or something, but I would never would have defined it as a problem or something that I aspired to change about myself.
Michelle 00:24:20 It was kind of more like, I'm so good, I can please everybody. And so I think just noticing if anything we're saying today resonates with you and you're like, I think I'm doing that. I actually think I'm people pleasing because I never thought about not people pleasing and really just not judging yourself for doing that and thinking about, is this a problem in my life? And is this something that I want to change? I would say is the first step. The thing I would not include with that is beating yourself up or thinking, oh my gosh, I've been doing this forever. How have I live my life like this? Like, none of that is helpful. It's totally okay. Just if it's a pattern that you want to change, it's never too late. You can always learn how, but I think the just very first step is noticing it.
Tina 00:25:05 Yeah, I do, I feel like that's always the first step for everything. Awareness, you know, just being aware and then and then what I usually go into and tell me if you're the same when it comes to people pleasing, is setting boundaries.
Tina 00:25:19 I feel like that's like the foundation to really support you, to kind of get out of that people pleasing mode. It's like it's like this fine balance because, you know, yes, we want to be nice and yes, we want to take care of people and all these things. But like I said, it's not necessary for you to light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, right? Yeah, yeah. And so, like, boundaries seems to be like that foundation that can help us, get past that. At least it was for me. And setting boundaries was really hard for me. It was just absolutely yes.
Michelle 00:25:52 I feel like boundaries is like the advanced class after, saying no and, you know, realizing that you're a people pleaser. I agree, that's like the ultimate solution for it, because then you just have it in place and you follow it. It's a rule you make. It's a rule you follow yourself and then you're good. It protects you from that. People pleasing, something else I notice a lot is that women say yes and people please as the default.
Michelle 00:26:18 So just even pausing and asking yourself, I always tell my clients to ask themselves two questions. One is, do I really love this idea? So if somebody is like, do you want to, I don't know, go to a concert on Friday night? Do I really love this idea? Because I think we do know right away if it resonates with us, if it's something that we want to do. And then the second one is, does this fit into the kind of life that I'm trying to create for myself? So if the concert's like, oh, it's not necessarily something I would want to see, but I'm trying to have a more adventurous life and have a more social life and have friends. So that's a yes for me. So maybe I'll do it where often when I have people first start doing this, they'll be like, it's a no, I don't love it. And it does not fit into the kind of life I'm trying to create for myself. And yet I was still saying yes all the time.
Michelle 00:27:06 So just kind of have asking yourself those two questions and then being able to just say no sometimes, which, by the way, will feel uncomfortable. Like if you're waiting until you're comfortable with saying no, to say no, you're never going to say it. It's gonna totally feel uncomfortable.
Tina 00:27:21 Yeah. It's to I think it still feels uncomfortable for me to say no sometimes. but I've I've definitely learned that people it doesn't really bother people when you say no like you think it's going to. I always think that I'm going to upset somebody or something like that, and you think it's going to bother them, but most people like, okay. And it's like, that's fine. Most people like that. And if they're not like that, then you have to ask yourself the question like, is this a? Is this a friend? Is this a supportive person in my life that's going to like, guilt me into doing something that I don't want to do? You know, it's like, so what kind of relationship is this? You know? So yeah.
Tina 00:28:02 so yeah. And the more you do learn to say no, the easier it gets. I do believe.
Michelle 00:28:09 Yes. And the more authentic your life becomes, because then you're saying yes to the things you really want to say yes to. And when you feel stressed and overwhelmed, it's because you have too many yeses in your life. And when you start narrowing them down and choosing the real yeses, your life feels so much better.
Tina 00:28:26 Yes. Yeah. And we could, we could, like, move that into. And I know you do this too, but I, I do this with my clients, and I. You said something at the beginning, but I have the not to do list. You know, instead of making a to do list, having the not to do list, you know, and and I, I love I am I am a list girl. I love making lists, but I don't make a list with the intention of like having to cross every single thing off of that, and then I guilt myself if I don't.
Tina 00:28:56 It's it's more of a way to contain the trillion thoughts that go through my head every day, like, because I'm like, that's a good idea. Let me write that down. That's a good idea. Where should I write that down? So I have like ten books with like ten lists in them. So I do have a lot of lists. and a lot of times I never look at those lists again. It's just like a therapeutic thing.
Michelle 00:29:18 Get it out of your head. Yeah, absolutely.
Tina 00:29:21 So the the not to do list is, something that I love to do with my clients. So tell me, I don't know what you call it in your business or with your clients.
Michelle 00:29:32 Don't list.
Tina 00:29:33 So don't list. Okay, so what kind of things do you have them, think about on their. Yeah, I have them think.
Michelle 00:29:40 Through their whole life. And if you just take like, a day in the life and write down all the things that you don't like and then think about, can you just decide right now that you're never going to do that? That that's just not a thing for you.
Michelle 00:29:55 And my grandmother, who was like very, outspoken, very direct. I'm sure lots of people said things about her like we were saying earlier, but she just had stuff in life that she didn't do, like she didn't do yard work. She never cut the grass. She didn't put gas in her car, like there were just things. And she would just say it like she was unable to, you know, like, yes, I don't put gas in my car. Like what? Why not? And she just kind of inspired me to think like, oh, you can just do that. You can just be like, I'm not going to do it. But for me, I just don't wear uncomfortable clothes. As an example, I don't work past 4:00 in the afternoon. I don't work on weekends. And I'm sure you've had this too, where clients are like, I need to do it on Saturday and I just refer them to a coach who I like, who works on Saturdays, but it's not me.
Michelle 00:30:44 And so when you have that, when someone asks you, you don't have to re decide every time. You can just be like, nope. Yeah, actually, don't do that. And like my kids, I don't make their lunches. If they want to make a lunch, they can make one or I they have money in their school account if they want to buy their lunch. But every day I don't have to be like, do you feel like taking lunch today? What should we have? What kind of groceries should I get? What I was like, oh, and then when they were little, they're teenagers now, but when they were little, they'd bring it back home and it would be all this food that I would just waste and throw away. And I was like, why am I doing this every day? So stuff like that, I just do. And then like one thing on my to do list, which we've already talked about, is I don't spend any time worrying about what other people are thinking about me.
Michelle 00:31:26 So I have like actual things that you physically would do and then more psychological things.
Tina 00:31:32 Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that's very similar. I take my clients through a process where I'm like, can you ditch this all together? Kind of like what you said, and can you delegate it? Can you like maybe if it's something that you have to do, like you have to, I don't know, take care of your kids. You have to take care.
Michelle 00:31:52 Yeah. Yeah.
Tina 00:31:54 Like, how can you do this and make it easier for yourself? So, yeah, make your kids do some of the work. Maybe have a partner do something like so delegate and then. And then what's left on that list. What do you actually do. So I call it the 3D stitch delegate. Do like what are you going to I love it. What are you going to do. Yeah. but it's it's really about going it's really profound when someone goes through like a day in their life. And I'm sure you've seen this too.
Tina 00:32:21 And everything they're doing, almost everything is not aligned with the life they want to create for themselves. Yeah. It's. Yeah, yeah. And then they realize at that point that's why they're not moving. That's why this the needle is not moving. That's why they're not getting reaching their goals. That's why they're not going because they're not actually taking any actions for themselves, you know. Yeah. Exactly.
Michelle 00:32:41 And I think, you know, our mind tries to tell us when we're in that situation and then our body tells us that we're in that situation. It's like eventually you will come to know that you are completely out of alignment and spending all your time doing things that you don't actually want to do, and it feels really bad when you have that moment, but it feels so good you start making those one degree turns. It's not a huge like today. If the only thing you realize is, I think I'm a people pleaser and I might want to change that, great. That's a one degree turn, and you just keep taking all those little steps and eventually you get to the point.
Michelle 00:33:14 And I remember just waking up one day and being like, this is it. This is the life that I was trying to create for myself. Everything feels in alignment and it just feels so good.
Tina 00:33:24 It does. It feels really good, I agree. Yeah, well, this has been such a wonderful conversation. Yeah, I love talking.
Michelle 00:33:32 To you, having me. I know I feel like we're so in alignment.
Tina 00:33:35 I know that's so true. So true. So where can people find you and hang out with you and connect.
Michelle 00:33:41 With you if they want to listen to my podcast, it's called Overwhelmed Working Woman. It's on all the all the places. And then my website has a link to how to work with me. I have a quiz about how to find out if you're overwhelmed and what's causing it, and that's at Michelle gauthier.com.
Tina 00:34:00 Oh love myself a good quiz. Me too. I think.
Michelle 00:34:03 From my old like Cosmopolitan or teen magazine reading days, I loved.
Tina 00:34:08 Those. Remember that? Yes, you'd have to.
Michelle 00:34:10 Score your own and turn it upside down. Yeah.
Tina 00:34:16 Oh my God, I wonder if they do that anymore. I don't know, I.
Michelle 00:34:19 Know, I guess they'd be online, but I had a lot of fun making it for that reason, I loved it. I was like, what would I want to do? I'd want to take a quiz on this.
Tina 00:34:27 Yes, yes, I love quizzes. I I'm just a sucker. I get sucked right in.
Michelle 00:34:32 To every personality test. Everything. Yep. I just love this. Yeah.
Tina 00:34:37 Love it for sure. Well thanks again. It's been a pleasure.
Michelle 00:34:40 Yeah, yeah. No problem.
