Tina 00:00:00 Hey guys, I am very excited. Today we have a guest on Ella Parlour. Ella is a marketing powerhouse whose campaigns have yielded over $1 billion in sales globally. She's the founding partner and EP consulting podcaster, speaker, real estate investor and the author of best selling book High Tolerance. Ella's Safe Method encourages and empowers leaders to find success through multiple dimensions in life spiritual, emotional, financial, and physical. She dives into the nuances of building success while staying balanced and healthy in your life. So let's get into it. You're listening to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. I'm your host, Tina Stinson, and I had a stroke at the age of 39 from stress and burnout that shook my world. Now I'm laying it all out the deep level self-care practices and mindset shifts that I needed that kept me healthy, balanced and thriving. Join me in this intimate space as we explore healing, resilience, and the soul's journey to alignment. This is where real conversations about deep level self-care happen. Let's get into it.
Tina 00:01:22 Hello. Hello, welcome to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. I'm so excited to have you here today.
Ella 00:01:28 Hi Tina, thank you so very much for having me. I'm really excited to kick off my morning with you.
Tina 00:01:33 Yeah, same same. So to get started, could you tell our listeners who you are, what you do for a living and just let us know a little bit about yourself?
Ella 00:01:42 Yes, absolutely. I am Ella Parler and I currently reside in Dallas, Texas, but I relocated here from Southern California, which is where I've spent most of my life. I relocated to Dallas about three years ago, and I am the. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm a female business owner. my work, for the most part, has been in corporate America, working with fortune 500 brands, building various marketing campaigns. My campaigns have yielded over $1 billion in revenue, which is really exciting and sometimes makes me feel a little bit older when I think about that. it's it's actually closer to about 3 billion, but I say 1 billion just to feel safe.
Ella 00:02:23 and I'm also recently a bestselling author I released. You know, I say that my career is is such a fascinating story, and it's so unusual that it became a bestseller. So to answer the question of what do you do and how did you start doing that? I wrote a book called High Tolerance, which which outlines my career and and how I built it brick by brick. And, I was so pleased that it's landed on several bestseller lists and, and, it's it's been a really great journey. I think that the story really resonates, because we need new conversations in the corporate space, not just for women, but for all of us to make sure that we are creating, a safe and healthy environment for everybody. And I love business. I love driving revenue, I love building business plans, I love building brands, I love people, leadership and empowerment. But I also know that often on the pursuit of financial success as we're building our careers, it could come at the detriment of other areas of our lives.
Ella 00:03:29 I know executives who've had children that have taken their own lives, and it's like, what good is being a multimillionaire when your child takes their own life, right? I mean, you start to see as you climb the corporate ladder, there are so many people who may have, you know, a lot of money in the bank account, but they're spiritually bankrupt. And so as I started pursuing my own financial success. and then struggling with health issues that I outline in my book as well. I created a few years ago this philosophy. And it's really just a really easy way for me to do an inventory of, okay, how is this going to serve me? So Seth is se pH. And it stands for spiritual, emotional, financial and physical because success in one area of your life should never come at the detriment of the of another. I've met surgeons who are like incredible and well, accolade and just so. But they're overweight and they smoke, right. And so you have all this success in your work and you're and you're saving lives, but you're not feeding yourself in the way that you need to.
Ella 00:04:38 Right. And so that's why every single vertical and dimension in this philosophy really just helps me go, alright, we're going to do this podcast with Tina today. How are giving me and what am I going to do to create a little bit more of a balance? Like if physically I'm a little sedentary because I've been sitting here for an hour, what am I going to do to make sure that I'm moving my body again and just constantly keeping a rotation of this whac-a-mole we call life? And I think that this philosophy has really resonated with not only, you know, the audiences that I've been able to speak in front of, but also just my clients because again, I love driving business. I'm all about revenue growth. I love, I love numbers, but as much as I love numbers, I love people. And I want to make sure that we are all creating just happier, healthier lives, not only for ourselves, but for one another.
Tina 00:05:31 Yeah, that's I love that and I can't wait to talk more about this.
Tina 00:05:35 I like philosophy that just, like rolls off your tongue. So nice, I love it. And this is so aligned with what I talk about on the podcast. I absolutely love it. This is what I experienced now. I was not in the corporate world, I was I sold real estate and I was a single mom with three kids, and it was just like the the amount that I put into everything else and the amount that I didn't put into myself. And so you talk about, like, some of the sacrifices that some of these successful people make, they make all this money. But then there's other sacrifices, like the connection with their family, or their health. And so that was the one thing that I experienced. And it's and I like how you say the whac-a-mole of life. And so it really is about checking in with yourself and like really looking and asking yourself what you need on a regular basis. And so I, I love that and I can't wait to hear more about this.
Tina 00:06:26 Cephalon SS okay, now I can't say it set philosophy. Okay, so tell us more about that. I am very interested in hearing about that.
Ella 00:06:37 So I it's so interesting because I created this, like I said, a few years ago, because I had encountered a slew of executives who were just miserable people behind closed doors. And I was like, oh my gosh. And I've been really fortunate. So as I said, I've worked with fortune 500 brands. My career started at Red bull when I was in college, and from there I've worked for, many of the largest alcohol brands in the world. And so what's cool about working in the alcohol space? Which is why I wrote my book High Tolerance, because it's a very interesting niche, is that I've been able to work with, you know, over 40 professional sports teams. I've worked with several celebrities and influencers. And then being from the Southern California, Southern California market, you have a I was about to say a cesspool, but I don't mean that you have a total pool of talent that lives in Southern California.
Ella 00:07:33 And so my market was very celebrity and influencer heavy, which means that there were times where I'm doing product drops at celebrity homes, or I'm doing private events at celebrity homes, or we're getting ready with influencers to walk the red carpet and so forth. Getting ready for a campaign or event or what? It might not. What may be. And so I've spent a lot of time backstage, and I talk about this in one of the chapters of my book. and as I've had this exposure to various very successful people who seemingly have it all. And as I'm, you know, kind of climbing the corporate ladder, that's when I started having more of an insight into what their lives are like, what their home lives are like, what their relationships with their spouses are like, how they talk to their spouses or children on the phone. And that's when I started going, I'm not quite, you know, at the top executive level. I'm not a chief officer of any sort. I'm kind of in that interim, you know, mid tier, lower executive level.
Ella 00:08:35 But I'm seeing a lot here. And so I was like, I need to make sure that I'm never overcompensating On, you know, focusing all of my focus on, you know, traveling all the time, burning myself out, eating like crap, and and just sort of being in survival mode to get more dollars in my bank account. And so that's where the philosophy was born. So when I built this philosophy, it was really to say, all right, Ella, like, yes, we're working hard today. Yes, we're going to do a 12 or 15 hour day, but we got to go into go into yoga. And even if we're not going to do a yoga session at the studio, we got to go into a meditation, session. So I had this amazing meditation coach, her name is Jana Genova, and she works with high performers. And so she helped me a lot in creating that emotional mental balance. Moving forward, however, I found myself in a hospital bed after having four surgeries.
Ella 00:09:36 They weren't quite emergency in the sense that I was in the E.R., so prayerfully I didn't have to go to the E.R., but they were emergency in the sense that I only had like a two weeks, had a heads up. and I had several tumors that were removed. There was a possibility of cancer. I do not have a I do not I've never been diagnosed with cancer, but I've had several cancer scares. I've had several tumors removed from my body. and so what this pattern and cycle that I've seen in my career is that I start attaining success. I start driving really great campaigns. I create these innovative campaigns. But quite frankly, none of that matters. When I hit a wall, I end up in the hospital. I have to have surgery. And these these last surgeries I had in December 2022 really knocked me out. When they went in there, what they thought was 1 or 2 tumors turned out to be seven. I turned out to have a lot more complications. I had internal bleeding.
Ella 00:10:35 There was, you know, some complications. Scary, And then also just, painful, like physically, a very painful recovery. I was on bed rest for eight weeks, which I used to think sounded like a great time. I used to be like, really use a bed rest. I now know it's not horrible. Yeah. And then on top of that, after I was done with those eight weeks, I had another three months of physical therapy. And as this all happened so suddenly, as I mentioned, here I am in the hospital bed, drenched in my own blood, recovering, and staring at my feet at the end of the bed and getting phone calls about, you know, a vodka delivery that's delayed and getting phone calls about a whiskey product that a whiskey innovation. And I really started going, okay, it can't there has to be more. Right. And in those moments I had, you know, what a lot of people, I think by any metric, success. I was in the best hospital where all the celebrities go to get their plastic surgery.
Ella 00:11:48 And when you hear about a celebrity od'ing there at that hospital, and I was in this five star recovery suite with like, world class chefs, I had the best food. No hospital could even compare. I mean, truly one of the best hospitals in the world with the best surgeons I had. One of my surgeons flew in from Israel for my case because it was a special case and just all of these amazing things. But what good does any of that matter when you're alone in a hospital bed, just not only clinging for your physical life? Because again, my life at that point was I was in okay condition, but just being in so much physical pain and you're alone, you know, I really started having some difficult conversations with myself, like, why don't I have a partner buy me next to my bed? And is there something I could have done in the pursuit of physical health to maybe make this recoveries? Or maybe if I was a little bit stronger or a little bit more agile, maybe this recovery wouldn't be so difficult.
Ella 00:12:51 And so my philosophy has shifted for myself instead of, okay, are we taking care of our emotional health? It's like, we can't forget that physical. And it doesn't matter who you are, you could be walking down the sidewalk and it could take, in your case, a stroke. It could take, a random heart attack. It could take a random car accident. It could take a random table flying off the roof. If you live in New York City around, some crazies throw out their window. Nowadays, like we are all I always say we are all one accident, one lawsuit, one one health condition away from losing everything we think we know.
Tina 00:13:33 That's true. Very true.
Ella 00:13:35 We have to be strong, not only financially. So we have the means to be able to get the help that we need when we need it, because of course, that's important. I'm so grateful that I had the financial means to have the best world class care to help, you know, mitigate my recovery and have the best care possible and try to manage my pain as much as possible.
Ella 00:13:56 you know, I had around the clock nurses, I, you know, hourly, you know, checking in on me and all of that. So, yes, the financial matters. Right. But I want to make sure that we're surrounded by people who love us, who are going to support us. I have my mom and dad and I'm so grateful. But I never thought that in their 60s, they'd still be taking care of their baby girl because she's got no husband, no man, no partner to kind of alleviate that responsibility. And so I'm like, why are my mom and dad having to take care of me in this state? That's not right. That's not what I want. This is the life that I've built. And so as painful as that recovery time was, I really had to discover who am I? Because I'm not a mom and I'm not a wife. And let's be real, most women in their 30s, 40s and 50s, if you look at their identity, they're going to attribute it to their spouse or their children.
Ella 00:14:47 Well, I don't have that. So that's not part of my identity story. And now I'm not working. So who is Ella Parlor without all of these things that she has really tied her identity to? And so I had to sit in this stillness, and the pain and the darkness and all of this and really contemplate, okay, what do I want my life to look like when I get. Because I had hope a lot of us who end up in the hospital bed, especially at the end of the road, we don't have that hope of recovery. so knowing that, I feel like I got a taste of what the end of the road looks like. And now that I've had that taste, I am on a vigilant pursuit to make sure that the people who I work with, the clients that hire me, the teams that I join, wherever I'm going. I'm empowering people to really empower themselves on all four dimensions and not focus on whatever one is the most convenient.
Tina 00:15:42 Yeah. Or whatever's easiest.
Tina 00:15:44 And, and I have to say what a powerful lesson to learn. at a young age. and I'm sure you probably think of it that way. Now, maybe at the time you didn't think of it that way. At least that's how I felt. You know, I was 39 when I had.
Ella 00:16:01 My.
Tina 00:16:02 Whatever you want to call it, epiphany, dark night of the soul, whatever you want to call it, you know, it's like. So I was 39. I felt like at the time I didn't feel lucky. But, you know, like, as you said, it manifests in everybody differently when we're not when we're not taking our self take taking care of ourselves on a, a whole level, you know, all the areas of our lives it's going to, it's going to build up and manifest in our lives. And one way or another, it could be a heart attack. It could be high blood pressure, it could be cancer. It could be a stroke like it was for me.
Tina 00:16:36 It could be so many different things. But at some point, the way I explained it with my experience was I wasn't willing to slow down. I didn't think I had to, and my body was like, oh no, hell no. You're going to slow down right now and you're going to have that space. And so it was like, I felt like the universe kind of created that space for me to do the same thing that you're talking about. It's funny because my, I had to my recovery space time was eight weeks too, which is so weird. And so, yeah, eight weeks. Not being able to do anything is. Is that right? There is a lesson in itself, you know, you're not working. I'm not. I had three kids. And so I'm not being able to take care of my kids. I'm watching my mother take care of my kids, you know? And so just very it's just a really hard place to be, but I feel like it's a gift.
Tina 00:17:29 Do you feel like it was a gift to you now that you're not yet? No.
Ella 00:17:34 No, no, I think it's funny. No, I do, I so I journaled, so I was in so much pain that I couldn't watch TV, and I didn't know it was possible to be in so much pain that you can't even watch television. I was like, that's possible. That you can't even like I was like, well, I can't, at least I'll enjoy television. Oh, no. Because even, like, lifting my neck was too much and rolling over to my side. So like, we had the TV up here and then we moved it down in this direction, but even just rolling that way was too much. And so the only position that I could get into without, like, really being in terrible, terrible pain was, you know, on my back and with my hands up this and, you know, on my phone and probably for the first like when I realized that I probably scrolled on the internet for like on social media for maybe a few hours.
Ella 00:18:22 And I don't typically scroll on social media. I post a lot, but I don't really look at social media. So that was like the first time in a while where I had like sat and I was like, this doesn't feel good. This doesn't feel right. So I started journaling because my thought was, I want to remember all these sensations, and I want to remember the noises. I want to remember, like, who's helping me, what's happening with me? And I started journaling. And that's really when I started writing my book. and, and so when I look back on the journals, that's why I grimaced when you said that. Yeah. I think back on that time. Yeah. Which I believe I remember vividly. But I, you know, my feeling, if you ask me, what did I write in those journals, it would be f the world f my life. I hate everybody. This sucks. I'm alone. Nobody else has gone through this. Why does this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why me? That's how I look at it in retrospect.
Ella 00:19:19 But when I read these journals and like these things that I was saying and writing. Everything I kept saying was, I don't know your purpose, Lord, but I'm going to trust that, you know, my happiness is not the priority. Somehow you're going to make this brokenness whole. Like I was saying stuff like that. And I'm like, I remember feeling that way. I remember just feeling very bitter and angry and like, punching my pillow, pretending it was God and just watching with what little might I had going, I hate you. But when I read these journals, they're journals. It's notes on my phone. they're very profound, exactly about what you're saying. And at one point I wrote, I know you're going to turn this pain into purpose. And so reading back those journals is very emotional for me, because in this weird dissonance, I have memories of just being full of anger and bitterness. But none of that comes through in my writing and I don't know why that is. Maybe it was the morphine, I don't know.
Ella 00:20:26 like, I know that I was feeling very bitter and yet somehow what was coming out and regurgitated was, was a, a a sense of I will find purpose through this pain. and so that's why I grimace because it's like I think on some level, whether it's spiritual or even logical, I'm aware of that. But sometimes our emotional comes out and we are just so focused on our lack, our pain. And we need to honor that as well. I don't think it's our job to mute any part of it. but that's the only reason why I was like, yeah, I just remember feeling so bitter.
Tina 00:21:10 It sounds like you were moving through it, which is perfect. It's what you're supposed to do. Like you said, you're not supposed to mute it. And so maybe the thoughts were coming through your head and then as it moved through you, once you put it down in writing, it came out a different way because you were moving through it, maybe. but that I love that.
Tina 00:21:28 It sounds beautiful and I can't wait to read your book. I'm a I love reading, I call myself a book whore because I just I just can't stop. I, I'm always reading like ten books at once. So yeah, I'm going to add that one. I can't wait to read it. So how did you start to, move into this philosophy? Was it something that you did during that recovery period, or was it something that you did gradually through the recovery period, moving back into your life? how did it come out of your come into being, so to speak?
Ella 00:22:01 Oh, no, it was before. It was before my surgeries. So as I said, yeah. So as I said, I probably like 4 or 5 years ago around 2019, like I said, I was working with a lot more I have for many years, but I was working behind the scenes with, you know, more high powered executives. So business like brand owners, CEOs, CFOs, all the chief officers.
Ella 00:22:27 And that's when I started getting a glimpse into their lives, their personal lives. and I think because, this is something that corporations, I shouldn't say corporations as a whole, like some leaders I've had, don't appreciate this, but it's always been my not so secret superpower, is it does not matter who you are, where you come from on this planet. I don't care if you don't speak a speak a lick of English. I see every person as my people. And my fiance will make fun of me because I'll say those are my people. And he's like, but you said those are your people. And I'm like, yeah, because everybody's my people.
Tina 00:23:11 Everybody. Yeah.
Ella 00:23:12 When I see like someone doing a haka dance for a funeral? I'm like, those are my people. I was in the Hawaiian club in college. Like, I just, I have an emotional connection to so many different types of people from all walks of life. coming from a highly multicultural background that I have, and then being in a, you know, a Mecca of multicultural Southern California, you know, I have friends, walks of life, all corners of this planet.
Ella 00:23:43 And if I haven't been there, I have friends who've been there, and I just I can connect to people so energetically. and I think that that's a blessing. And at times occurs, because I, I, I feel for people, I feel their pain, I see their pain, even if they haven't said it. And I remember one time I was telling a coworker we were on a business trip together, and I was telling her, because in that season, when I'm going through something difficult, which I was in that season. I'm extra sensitive. I feel like I'm almost radioactive. And anybody who comes near me, like I attract people who are in deep pain when I'm in pain. And I said to her, I was like, I'm just so exhausted because I just feel like I keep attracting people. And then they're telling me their most painful secrets, and I'm in a stage where I'm absorbing all of it and it's empathy.
Tina 00:24:39 Yeah.
Ella 00:24:40 She's hearing this and kind of like, yeah, whatever else.
Ella 00:24:43 So we get into the taxi, go to the airport. Now, if you've been to an airport, you know, it's a very formal space. This is not like this is not Starbucks, right. Like it's a very formal space. You have this big gap between you and the ticketing agent, right. And you know, at the ticket, the ticketing, the table that it's like a big they're above you and all of that. Yeah. And so we're checking our bags and she's standing behind me because we weren't on the same itinerary, weren't going back to the same place, so we weren't checking in at the same time. She was behind me, and all I said to the ticketing agent was, I love that brooch. Where did you get it? Mum begins to tell me an extremely personal story about how her son was murdered in a mistaken identity, situation. He was innocently 16 years old, driving, stopped at a red light. Someone thought he was someone else, killed him for no reason, and she starts bawling, and I.
Ella 00:25:42 I just spoke life into her and she said, can I please come hug you? Can I please just please come hug you? And she walked all the way around to come and give me a big hug. And my coworker is seeing this, not knowing what's going on. All she sees is the ticket agent crying and hugging me, and I'm holding her and just trying to channel all the warmth and love that I know her son is always giving her and surrounding her with. And so then we're going to TSA. And my coworker was like, I really thought you were full of shit. Like, I really thought you were. And she's like, I cannot believe that just happened. And I said, this happens everywhere I go. And what that means is, which is a little scary and intimidating, especially if you're my boss. Right. Is that I connect with people in ways like throughout my entire life. You know, I started giving advice when I was five years old. I had an aunt that came and stayed with us, and she was talking about her drama at work.
Ella 00:26:42 And here I am at five years old, just telling her everything she needs to do. I'm like, well, first of all, you need to like I it's so funny to look back on that time, but I've been a bit sagacious from a young age. And so what I will say is, is that what that means is I don't care about your title. I don't care that you're a billionaire. I don't care that you're an executive. I don't care that you're a celebrity. I, I see you, the child that wants to be loved. And so I've been able to connect with people, which then in turn means that I get more insight into the reality of their lives. And so I, you know, had a CFO who was a hard person to work with, very difficult, very stern all these things. and I'm the person that you throw to like when nobody else can get through to them. That's when you kind of throw me in the mix just to soften things up a little bit.
Ella 00:27:40 And I'm sitting down with him, and I actually met him at his house, so I'm sitting down with him, and his wife was there. She had made dinner or something, and I'm just asking him some questions about whatever it was, work related. And through that conversation, he tells me about the suicide of his of his son. And his wife comes over. She almost seemed annoyed, like angry. Yeah. And he got up to go to the restroom or something, and she goes, do you know that he's never told anybody that story? Do you know? And she like, she had this like, how did you do that. And I, I that's where I say I don't know how I don't know what it is. I will say it's very difficult for my fiancée because we can't go anywhere because I want to know everybody's story. And I want to hear about you, and I want to give you the time of day, and I want to love, and I want to just I, I, I can't help it.
Tina 00:28:32 It's a it's an energy. It's your energy, that's all. Yeah. It's your energy. And they could feel that. And people don't realize how much, how intuitive they are to other people's energy. Most people aren't even aware of how how they make decisions, how they go about their life on a daily basis. using all they take in from the energy from the people around them and just, just the energy of the room and the space that you're in. And so when you are open like that, when and when you're empathic like that, people are attracted to that energy and it feels comforting and they can't help but like, spill it onto you. Yeah, so to speak.
Ella 00:29:18 And I my hair is so big because it's really full of all the secrets. I mean, my teachers, my teachers. I spent time in the teachers lounge. I told my parents this recently like they they didn't know. So in elementary school I struggled. As you can imagine, a child such as myself, I really struggled connecting with children.
Ella 00:29:41 I didn't have the imagination that they did. I was so sensitive to what was going on. I'm like, can't you tell that she's in a bad mood because she's going through a breakup? Can't you tell? Like I was so frustrated with, like, the innocence, now that I see it as innocence. But at the time, I just thought dumbness of my peers. And so I don't know how it happened. I don't know why it happened. And my parents were really upset when I revealed this to them recently, like in recent years, but I would. I don't know how, but I would spend time. I would spend my recess in the teacher's lounge because I was more comfortable with the teachers and talking to the teachers than my own peers. My parents hear that and they're like, why were they ostracizing you from the kids? Like, that is not okay. Like my parents did not like that. And I understand, but I remember feeling just safer in the teacher's lounge. But what does that mean? I'm hearing all the teachers lounge gossip, right? So I mean, I'm talking like first grade.
Ella 00:30:37 Second grade. I'm having adults tell me things and maybe they think it's going over my head or whatever it is. But this has been really life long that I've had people sharing with me because they're comfortable. But I also think that at times there have been times where someone resents me. Like I said, that wife who was like, I just don't understand why he shared that with you. He's never even given me some of those details about his feelings. That that executive's wife who was.
Tina 00:31:09 Because it's intimate. It's intimate. And she doesn't like him to be intimate with another woman. You know what I mean.
Ella 00:31:15 You know, and I did think there was a little bit of that from a female dynamic, but I think more so it was how did you release this button? Because the, the, the passing of their son was many years prior. Yeah. Like after all this time. Yeah. Letting it out like I think it was that and then what I do respect about her was that she wanted a relationship with me.
Ella 00:31:42 So she took whatever may be jealousy she might have had and channeled that into saying, no, I want to tap into whatever she was able to give my husband. So instead of looking at me as the enemy or, you know, anything, because obviously he and I already connect on a business level because we were in the same business. He was like, can I get your phone number and and just chat with you. And she wanted to tap more into maybe. Interesting. That's cool.
Tina 00:32:07 That's very cool.
Ella 00:32:08 But all of that to say that visibility into people's lives, that humanness, that really raw human nature that we all share, which is a desire to be loved, desire to be seen, a desire to be accepted, and and pain. We all have pain. You don't get through this life without baggage and pain. What that means is though, is that the same way that that wife was like, how dare he tell you and not me. Anybody else. That's what I've had bosses.
Ella 00:32:43 Right. So they don't understand why this little intern I'm not necessarily an intern but I'm saying like in their eyes why this young intern is, is connecting with executive leadership. And so it does scare people sometimes where it's like frustrating. And then as a woman, what's the easy assumption to make. Yeah. Must be sleeping with them. Yeah. Oh, God, I hate that.
Tina 00:33:08 I hate that so much.
Ella 00:33:10 I'm used to it, quite frankly. Yeah.
Tina 00:33:12 I'm sure you are.
Ella 00:33:13 And where I can find peace is I've always kept my nose clean. I've never, ever dabbled in any type of work relationship. I know that's really common. I've never if anyone in my space. Like I just never have. Also, just being so much younger, I was very cognizant of all of that. and, and just my faith and my beliefs, like I don't, I can always keep, you know, I'm very comfortable. Like I don't mind being called a slut, which I've been called a slut so many times.
Ella 00:33:43 So many times I'm just like, wow, you're so unoriginal. You're so wrong. And like, you can't come up with anything more original. Yeah, I.
Tina 00:33:51 Think people use that just because a lot of women are bothered by it. And I think we need to, like, stop for a moment and just acknowledge that to all the women out there, that that is a number one life lesson. Do not, have relationships with the people.
Ella 00:34:09 You work with, people you work with. Yeah. I mean, you have one relationship and then it's. You slept with everybody anyway. Yeah. Again, because I knew everyone's secrets, right? I would hear how people talk about. Well, she slept with so-and-so, and now, you know, she's probably sleeping with him. So. Because I had that visibility at a younger age. and I do talk about that in my book as well. You know, I worked as a VIP host, at a nightclub when I was 18 years old, and so I couldn't drink.
Ella 00:34:38 I mean, I wasn't going to drink on the job anyway, but I really couldn't drink like, that was a liability. And I was driving to work all of that. And but again, being the youngest one, in the room, People just kind of assume that you don't know what's going on, or that you're not listening or that you don't care. And so I would hear a lot of the gossip and I was like, okay, I don't ever want someone talking about me like that. So I have a like a very protective spirit on that front. Nevertheless, you know, I'm I'm okay with it again. I'm like, okay, you're so unoriginal. Like, that's all you got. Just because I'm a woman, like, I know it's because I'm a woman that you're saying that. Yeah, totally out of a fear and envy of why is she able to connect with so many people? Why is she able to get to the heart of the matter? This bodes very well for me in business, by the way.
Ella 00:35:31 because I can understand, like, someone's true goals. Like, tell me what it is you need. We can make this deal happen. What is it that you're missing? What is it that we're not providing. And so that's what I want to do is empower people to tap into that their side. Because for the sake of business It can be very fruitful and amazing, but so many times we just don't talk like this in the first place.
Tina 00:35:56 Yeah, absolutely. I think there's yeah, there's a lot of, there's a lot of people, probably high level people that never tap into that. But there are I know there's some high level people that do, right, that I've definitely talked to and met some people that do that. so tell me, what does Seth stand for? SE ph. What does that stand for?
Ella 00:36:21 Spiritual. Spiritual.
Tina 00:36:23 Okay.
Ella 00:36:25 Financial. Financial.
Tina 00:36:28 Physical. And is it. Is there a H at the end or. No.
Ella 00:36:33 So the H is for H.
Ella 00:36:34 Seth. Oh, I get it. Okay.
Tina 00:36:37 Physical. Okay. I love that. that's why I kind of have this. The same thing going on, when I work with my clients. Because I do like this little test with them that I call the balance sheet, and I go over all the different areas of their life. So there's like like I think there's like ten different areas. I change it over and over again and I have them kind of like look at all those different areas. And so how do you balance yourself? Or we talked earlier before we were recording about the word balance a little bit, how it's like a kind of like a word that some people don't like. But how do you look at all these different areas and, and really help yourself, feel fulfilled and fulfilled and all those different areas?
Ella 00:37:26 A big way for me to automate it, we'll say, is through my habit. So my weekly habits or even daily habits. I make I'm, I'm personally identify as a Christian.
Ella 00:37:38 so I make my Bible as a part of daily habit. I make exercise as a part of my daily habit and exercise could even go into the financial. Because when we're taking care of ourselves physically, we're preventing ourselves from having, you know, like financial issues with our health care down the line as well. That's why everything is so interdisciplinary and so interconnected. so making sure that that the financial where I probably could be better from a daily habit standpoint is, you know, checking in on my finances, looking at my accounts, I probably do that more so on a monthly basis. and then again, in terms of habits, I'm really big, on, you know, finding ways to cut costs. I'm always looking to cut costs. So from a business perspective, when it comes to where I'm able, where I am a strong team player or where I come into a business and can change the businesses pretty quickly, I can identify ways that you can cut costs. That's where I make more revenue for a company is not necessarily by finding new channels and avenues, which I also love doing from an incremental standpoint, but really it's coming in and saying, oh no, you're overspending here.
Ella 00:38:54 This is a bottleneck. We need to fix this. This is going to prevent your out-of-stock. This is going to prevent whatever it may be. the, the, the bottlenecking again. and so saving costs is where I'm able to generate more revenue and profitability for an organization. and so I try to live my life like that as well. I try to live, as simply as possible. So I have more finances, you know, more money to invest, more money to donate and give away and empower other people. my, my desire for, you know, long term wealth really comes from a place of just wanting to give and pour into others. And so from a financial standpoint, trying to keep my life as simple as possible. and then from a spiritual standpoint, like I said, you know, reading, reading my Bible, constantly being in prayer, taking time to meditate. and then emotional, which is the easiest probably for me to work on is, maintaining my relationships, making sure not to self-isolate, which is easy to do in times of stress, times of duress, times of, hectic, busy whac-a-mole life.
Ella 00:40:09 And so making sure that, okay, I have plans in place to make it easier to make sure that I'm contacting. So like if you were to go through my phone, I have a favorite list and it's got like 50 people on it and it's like, how could so many people be your favorite? But when I'm have extra time, like if I have an extra ten minutes, I'll just scroll through and go, who haven't I talked to in a minute? Let me just give this person a call. And so I don't have to remember who I need to call or who I haven't caught up with or who I miss. Like it's just so when I have like a connection with someone that I'm like, I'm gonna want to check in with them every few months. I yeah, my favorite list. So I try to mitigate the thinking and really automate like areas of my life so I can just do things quickly and then save my brain energy for stuff that really matters, like the big hard stuff.
Tina 00:40:58 I love that it's like I call it decluttering and, reducing friction. So reducing all the things that create these frictions in your life just to make things flow easier. And, I, I love the whole concept and I love just the word philosophy. I like that, I just I just love it. So tell me a little bit more about your book now. You started right. You kind of said you started writing that when you were recovering and you just, you just published it, right? Because you were doing like. Or you still are maybe doing the book tours. Yep.
Ella 00:41:32 I'm still on the book tour. Yeah. I yes, I published it late last year, and it has been such a wild ride and so amazing. I will say though, I want to maybe correct something because I get this question a lot about how did you write the book and all of that. So what I do want to say is that in the writing process, there are three phases, and people get so focused on the first that they forget number two and three, or they overlook two and three.
Ella 00:41:59 And so the writing process is just the first part. It's a hard part, but quite frankly, that's the part that most unpublished authors get done. So I try to really highlight more than the writing. Like if you want to write a book, write it. That's the only way to do it is to do it right. You want to learn how to run, go outside, like put some shoes on, go outside, move your legs like that's it. Right? the editing is the part that's really cumbersome. And then the publishing is the part that you really, if you're not a published author and you're not in publishing, you should probably hire a partner. Like, for sure. I'm a firm believer. Absolutely. Self pub is amazing, but some things that you DIY, what you don't know is that you really could be, presenting yourself as a novice or a neophyte and like shooting yourself in the foot because you put the publisher page on the wrong side of the book, or you do your formatting wrong, or you don't have a standard size, or the ISBN is in the wrong.
Ella 00:42:58 Like you can make a lot of little mistakes. Oh my God, of gatekeeping within publishing. Yeah, that gets overlooked. I'm like. And then the marketing, which is a part of the publishing, you have to market your book. Yeah. I don't care who you are, even celebrities. The average book sells 200 copies. Why? Because people don't realize, myself included, don't realize, oh, nobody else is going to promote your book for you. Yeah, the one promoting your book. You need to do, the one talking about your book. You need to be the one doing book signings. It doesn't matter if you're Prince Harry and everyone wants to read this sensational. Like, okay, but you still have to be the one going out there doing the book tour, talking about your book. Nobody else can do it for you. And I'm sorry, you're probably not as famous or wealthy or as sensational as Prince Harry. So yeah, you're going to be putting some you're going to be pounding pavement.
Ella 00:43:52 And I think that that's the piece that people forget or they get really intimidated. And then that's why their book doesn't sell, because they just think, well, I wrote a book. Everyone's going to buy it. No, you have to do a lot of promotional marketing to get the word out there. but back to the writing phase. I've been journaling since I was seven. So as I mentioned, little body, big thoughts, big emotions, and my parents are so wise. I mean, I'll never forget Christmas of 96. I got a journal, my first diary, and I still have it to this day. I reread it, cringe. oh gosh. Because I talk about like, crushes and boys, and I just, I like that even even 30 years later, I'm like, oh gosh, if anyone found this, I would just stop, like dreams of my future husband. And I was like, I cannot show this. Oh that's great. So creep. Cringey. But if I'm going to be technical, I've been writing my book since 1996 because I went back and and read a lot of journals, and when I made the decision to publish the book in August before my surgeries, I wasn't I wasn't sure if I was going to talk about, my personal life, my love life, my career.
Ella 00:45:06 Like I was still trying to figure out what I was going to write. It was in the hospital that I realized, oh, I need to talk about finding purpose and work. Like, that's that's where, you know, talk about how I built my career, and, and where I'm at in this moment. So my book ends with me in the hospital, or me just getting released from the hospital. spoiler. So not like current present day touring around the country. Ella but what am I going to do with my life now? Ella. And, and so yeah, that writing process really came from many journals. Now, we can't retroactively go back into time and and write what we didn't. But I would say whatever's going on in your life, whether it's the mundane, whether it's an accolade at work, whether your boss was kind of a jerk to you, write notes in your phone, send yourself emails. when someone gives you a compliment about something amazing you did for that in an email to a make a little, you know, brag box in your inbox where it just says mine is called feedback.
Ella 00:46:14 And so for years since college, if a professor said, I love this paper, I would put it in the feedback folder. If a boss said, thank you for this, you know, thank you for your work on this. You did great here. I would put it in the feedback folder. And what that does is back to the automation or the decluttering. If you were to sit here and ask me what are the best, you know, what are the best campaigns you've ever built? I would sit there and go, oh yeah, I mean, can you be more specific? Like what kind of campaign? A digital campaign and out-of-home campaign, a billboard campaign. You know, my brain will get. So it's like asking a very like it's like saying, I don't know what's your fate? What's the best day of your life? It's like.
Tina 00:46:56 Yeah.
Ella 00:46:57 Okay. But if you get more specific, right. And then it's like, okay, I can figure out the answer. But what having that brag box in my inbox does for me is, oh, I can just go in there and look really quickly and go, oh yeah, that was a good campaign.
Ella 00:47:11 Look at the results. And now my book. I can just tell everyone, go read my book, go read my book. Look, if you want. It's like a 130 page resume. Like if you really want to know about the things I've done. But that's kind of where I compiled it all together. is, is through these journals that I had this brag box that I had and then when I was in, you know, my recovery bed texting, it was really kind of framing what I want my message to be. and I was again, in this state of I'm going to die. maybe not today, which is what I'm kind of hoping will be the case, because I hate my life and I'm in so much pain, and this is not a life, and I wish I could leave this body, even if it means through death. but knowing, like, even if I survive this, there will be an end of the road for all of us. Yeah. And, and kind of with that framework of, okay, what do I want my message to be.
Ella 00:48:11 What can I do? How have I empowered others in my work. And so just kind of putting it all in one place. and and knowing that all right now I have, I don't have any children, but I have that out in the world. If something were to happen to me tomorrow.
Tina 00:48:25 Yeah, I love that. It's beautiful. I have a I have a couple of more questions, but I have a question that I usually ask at the end of the podcast to some people, but it seems like the perfect time to bring it up. And it's what what what do you think are the things that we can all do to make the world a better place for ourselves, but also for everyone else? You know, because I feel like that kind of connects to your purpose.
Ella 00:48:53 So I it would be very overbroad, like self-awareness, self-discovery, self-actualization. I think that a big mistake that we make in society is that we have children to make ourselves feel better and try to repair ourselves to our children, and that is not working.
Ella 00:49:11 so, you know, a very extreme example would be, oh, I can't use this one because it's too real for someone I love. so, an example would be my parents. I'll use my example. My parents never owned a home. They they both have rented my whole lives. and that's been a source of pain for me because I grew up in a very wealthy area where everyone not only had homes, but very nice multi-million dollar homes. So I always felt kind of less than because of that. So a way that I would overcompensate as a parent is I might go out, put myself into tremendous debt just to have a nice house because I'm like, see, I gave you the house that my parents never gave me. Yeah, missing in that home. Maybe I'm never home because I'm working off the house, but my parents were always around, right. And so then we overcompensate. Yeah. And so then what is my child do? Hyperbolically. They're like, well, yeah, my mom, we had a nice house, but then she was always talking about keeping it clean, and she was always giving me a hard time.
Ella 00:50:06 And we were always hosting parties and she was never home. And so now I'm just going to get a small little apartment and raise a family, you know? And I mean, this is what we do. We just keep passing things on. Yeah. And so the buck has to stop with you first and foremost, and you have to be self-aware enough. And that's going to be through therapy. Like I firmly, I'm just a big believer in therapy the same way we all need to go get our teeth cleaned. I don't care who you are, I don't care how much you brush. I don't care how much you floss. I don't care what braces you had 20 years ago. Honey, you need to go to the dentist. I don't know who needs to hear this, but you need to go to the dentist. Similarly, the same way that we have muck that just comes in, in the bacteria that comes in, and traumas and backgrounds and confusion and parents and generations and all of these things, we got to go into therapy first and foremost.
Ella 00:50:57 and I say therapy because that that's a bit of a science. and then on that journey of self-discovery, we can start understanding, oh, I don't like when a man talks to me in this way because I had a relationship with my father that is triggering, blah, blah, blah, blah. So when I go into the workplace, that's why I'm more. That's why I might be harder on men. Not speaking for myself. I'm speaking very hypothetically here. Yeah. You know, or I have a high expectation of men because my dad set the bar so high. And now any man who falls short of that expectation, I'm going to take it out on them. And I think what we do is we pass on pain so much because we don't even know that we're carrying it. So to make the world a better place, we have to make ourselves better people.
Tina 00:51:42 I agree with that. Becoming self-aware is. Yeah. And that's that's like the hardest, biggest step you could take. Like there's more steps you could take after that off, obviously helping to heal yourself.
Tina 00:51:53 But the awareness itself is so powerful. You know I think a lot.
Ella 00:51:58 Of us don't. And it's I will say sometimes it's hard for me because I have to sit on the sideline and just watch someone drown in their displaced fear, their anger, what you know, whatever it may be, where I, I feel my therapist says, you don't know as much as you think, but where I'm looking at someone, I'm like, oh, well, you're acting out like this because your dad didn't have a backbone. Your mother always walked over him. And so you watch that, and you resent that about your father because he didn't protect you in the way that maybe you needed that masculine energy protecting you. And so, yeah, you're taking that into your dating life. But I have to sit back on the sidelines. And I can't say that to someone because people don't like when you give them a mirror. So I have to, like, sit there and just go, please go to therapy.
Ella 00:52:45 Please discover this. But my therapist will quickly remind me like it is not your job to psychoanalyze everybody else. and but it's just because I have been on this path for so long that I. I really try to be self-aware of my triggers, my pain, my, you know, my big one is like abandonment. The idea of a woman abandoning me that like, I, you know, if I have a female boss, I project and I'm almost like I look at her like a mother. Like, you need to take care of me. I recognize that I do that, and I will articulate to them sometimes, like, you know, I might be pouty because you go to lunch without me. Because of my own issues. Right? Yeah. And so being self-aware enough to go, it's not that she's a bitch. It's not that she ostracized you. It's that you have your own background that is painting a color on this person that has nothing to do with the other person that hurt you.
Ella 00:53:45 Yeah. And so just being aware, it doesn't mean that I'm always going to control those feelings of abandonment. I had a boss that got promoted, and, like, suddenly it was very sudden. and she was like, yeah, they're moving me tomorrow and I or Monday. And I was just like, I mean, it just skyrocketed anxiety. Who's going to help me with this project? Who am I going to who's going to be my new boss? I have to be the boss now. I don't want this promotion like all these things because of that fear of female abandonment, because of my background. And so, you know, I think recognizing that is so important, but then also recognizing that not everybody shares your story and they could be a complete flip of your story. And so not putting on other people the rules that you have for yourself, understanding that the same way you might like sushi or hate sushi or like tomatoes or hate olives, whatever it might be. We all have different tastes and preferences and accepting our differences and celebrating that we are perfectly made because we're different.
Ella 00:54:55 rather than going well because I'm this way, all y'all need to be this way too. And I know, but that's what we do. I speak English, so you should speak English.
Tina 00:55:05 A lot of people do that. Yeah.
Ella 00:55:06 I mean, that's a big one. How dare you have an accent? Do you think that person wants an accent? Yeah. You understand that they were not born with the same language that you were born with, and you had no control of your perfect English? The only reason why you have perfect English perfect is because your parents taught it to you. And the reason why you can't speak French. It's because your parents didn't teach it to you like so. It's only until you go to France and realize, oh, I'm not good at this language, that you can maybe have more compassion for those. So I think that that's where we we put a lot of expectations on others to be more like ourselves instead of understanding, this is my strength, this is my weakness.
Ella 00:55:47 And I'm glad that other people's strengths are my weaknesses and that my strengths might be their weaknesses, because that's how we can come together again, back to interconnected. We can come together and really build better communities, better teams, better families and so forth.
Tina 00:56:03 Yeah, yeah, I love that. And I do believe that we are all connected, you know, on so many different levels. And so once you I feel like once you kind of like acknowledge that and then accept it, everything makes so much sense. And I just wish more people realize that we're all connected. And if and if you start looking at the world from through that lens, it makes everything a lot easier. And going back to, yeah, kind of reflecting your own traumas onto other people, I always say to myself, Tina, the only business that's yours is your business. Everybody else's business is none of your business. So I have to always, like, remind myself of that, like, stay out of everyone else's business.
Tina 00:56:46 But, anyway, I want to. Also, before we get off, I really want to hear about your podcast. Could you tell me a little bit about your podcast?
Ella 00:56:55 Yeah, it's it's called eavesdrop with Ella. And it was born from a conversation I was having with a friend, and it was a little existential. And she was like, the world needs to hear this. And I'm like, do they do they really I don't know. And so, I had never really listened to podcast, but the premise of my podcast is really similar to yours, like just having conversations. season one was more about meeting strangers and just talking to them about their lives and getting them to tell me about their experiences or anything. I believe that everybody is unusual in a beautiful way, and amazing things happen with everyday people and everyday experiences, which is why, we just need to really appreciate everyday people and everyday experiences because that's where the miracles happen. season two was more focused on the set philosophy, so really challenging, you know, business owners, various, you know, entrepreneurs or, people in the workforce about, okay, where are you creating yourself? Balance.
Ella 00:58:01 And and where is it may be out of whack and having conversations about creating the balances. season three is going to be more focused on sex and love, so I haven't started recording episodes yet. I kind of need to let my guests know that it's going that direction, but it's because, as I touched upon earlier about passing on our past traumas, and I just we know so much that our past affects how we show up with our spouses and our our significant others and our sex lives. But furthermore, our sex lives impact our sex lives. Our love lives, our romantic relationships impact the children we create. They impact our families, our friends, our work life, our mental health. And I think that we are not talking enough about how the decisions we make with our romantic partners carry into other areas of our life, and not always in a positive way. And so if we knew how prolific our romantic decision making at 15, 16, 17, 25, 55 can impact the rest of our life, we might approach things differently.
Ella 00:59:16 So for men, you know, I think talking about that, like, you know, having sex with the wrong woman can lead to you having an accusation that can destroy your career or your life, right? Or, you know, creating a child that maybe shouldn't have been here because you were with the wrong person. And now this child has to take on the pain of of these two people who should have never gotten together. I say that to my parents all the time. They get very offended. I'm like, I wish you guys never met. I wish I was never born. You guys are so unhealed. This is traumatic for both your children. What a mistake. All for like a little rough and tumble in the shoe. This is a lot of drama for a little bit of hot sex. Like I'm over it. And so because of my background of two people having a hot sex life and then deciding that pregnancy equals marriage, you know, there are a lot of consequences to those decisions.
Ella 01:00:12 And maybe if they had both been healed and knew exactly what they wanted and held sex, sex in the sacred place it should be, maybe they would have made better decisions in their partners and in their family making. And so I think, you know, between sexual harassment, sexual assault, there's just a lot of sex trauma that we don't talk about. we kind of. Oh, yeah. We just we don't talk about the impact of that and how it really permeates into other areas of our lives. So my hope is with this next season is having more frank conversations and then also finding healing through our romantic relationships or our decision to not have a romantic relationship at all.
Tina 01:00:57 Yeah, I love that. Oh, yeah. Well, I will put the link to your podcast in the show notes. But also where can where else can people find you? Where do you hang out?
Ella 01:01:07 The easiest, Instagram is probably my top platform, LA or Bella, but I would say the easiest way really depends on what your platform.
Ella 01:01:14 What platform is your favorite? If you go to LA parlor.com, you'll find all the myriad ways to find my Instagram, my YouTube, my LinkedIn. I have a, you know, my Facebook, my, TikTok, which is pathetic and and nothing to write home about, but it's there. so whatever platform I'm I'm happy to meet you where you're at my my handle typically. I mean, you can look at La Parler again. la.com will have all of it. But my handle typically is la. Your Bella and I created that when I was like 13 years old. that screen name back then it was called screen names. Yeah.
Speaker 3 01:01:49 But not handle the way that we do now. But that screen name was.
Ella 01:01:53 Came from the idea of like, I just want to be everybody's. Bella. I'm. I'm yours. I'm here to serve you and to help you and to entertain you and to educate you and to provoke you. So that's why it's Ella, your Bella. But you can find me anywhere on Ella or Bella or Ella parlor.
Ella 01:02:12 There's only one. Right?
Tina 01:02:13 Great. All right. Thank you so much. It's been such a pleasure talking to you. I feel like I could do a whole nother podcast with you. It's been so great. So thank you for coming on.
Ella 01:02:24 Thank you so much. I love everything that you're creating here. I mean, the conversations that you're having, especially with like women who are in their self-discovery and empowerment, it's just so inspiring. And I'm really, really grateful for your time, but more so just everything that you're creating in the world to help make this world a better place. so thank you so very much. And and thank you for listening to me today. I, I would love to do another one where I get to hear more about you and your life and your family and your journey.
Tina 01:02:51 Oh, I would love to do that. Thank you so much. Thank you.
