Tina 00:00:00 This week. If you're a part of the soul aligned self-care community, you know, I've been talking about the free 30 day Self-care Visibility challenge, and I've been emphasizing how self-care is not selfish and sharing some points. And I will share more in a little bit in today's episode. But this week we are talking about we're continuing on with the boundary series, and we're talking about understanding boundaries as self-love. This is kind of a mindset shift for a lot of people, because boundaries can feel very selfish, and putting yourself first can feel very selfish. And so we're kind of resetting that mindset as that, you know that self-care is selfish and turning it into boundaries. Self-care is self-love and why this benefits not just you, but everyone around you. And this week, I'm also going to get into setting our first boundary. So let's get into it. You're listening to the Soul Online Self-care podcast. I'm your host, Tina Stinson, and I had a stroke at the age of 39 from stress and burnout that shook my world.
Tina 00:01:19 Now I'm laying it all out. The deep level self-care practices and mindset shifts that I needed that kept me healthy, balanced, and thriving. Join me in this intimate space as we explore healing, resilience, and the soul's journey to alignment. This is where real conversations about deep level self-care happen.
Tina 00:01:39 Let's get into it.
Tina 00:01:46 Hey guys, welcome back to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. We are on week four of the boundaries series, so if you haven't listened to week one, two, and three, that's fine. You could still listen to this one. You could benefit from listening to each one of these episodes stand alone. But if you want to listen to the whole series, definitely go back and look at some of the previous I think, yeah, we're on week four, so there should be three podcast episodes starting from the beginning. And this week we are getting into understanding boundaries as self-love. We're talking about a mindset shift and then we're going to get into setting our first boundary. So last week I talked about really I spent two weeks talking about really learning where you need to set a boundary and how to spot that.
Tina 00:02:33 Last week, we specifically focused on energy and feelings and using those as guidance because feelings are nothing but well, they are definitely information. Information telling us when something's either really good or either really bad. Right. And so I hope that you did your homework and you paid attention to those places in your life where you felt uncomfortable, or you felt exhausted or burnt out, or you felt, stressed or anxious and then looked to those areas to see if it was a place where you needed to set a boundary. Because this week's we're going to really get into that. We're going to pick one of those to set our first boundary. But before we get into this, I want to talk more about how boundaries are not selfish. And as I said in the intro, I've been promoting, a 30 day challenge that we're doing, the 30 day Self-care Visibility Challenge. It's totally free. You should definitely join me. The link will be in the show notes, and I've been promoting this for a little over almost a week now, and it's starting on Tuesday the 15th.
Tina 00:03:42 We're going from October 15th to November 15th, and I timed it like this. So we get in a incredible amount of self-care before we really kind of head into the holiday season when we need to take care of ourselves, right? And so when you sign up for this challenge, you're going to get a list of 50 different ways that you could practice self-care daily. And some of the points that I talk about, about practicing daily self-care and what it does to your your body, your mind and your soul. It shifts everything in those three areas. And I'm going to talk about some of those things today, because it's so important to know how practicing daily self-care, not just, you know, on the weekends after you have a rough run for it during the week, every day, self-care. And you could do this under an under 15 minutes a day. It doesn't have to take a lot of time to practice self-care. It takes intention, and it takes a little bit of patience because when we're changing the way we do things in our life, and we're so used to doing things the same way over and over again, sometimes it's hard to change that habitual movement through your life, right? But if nothing, if you never change anything, then nothing's going to change in your life.
Tina 00:04:59 And if you're not feeling good and you're feeling stressed and anxious, then this is a really great way to start to change. And as I said, it's totally free. I would love for you to join me. So before I get started with today's podcast episode, I just want to let you know when you join. It's called a self-care challenge, and the most important part for you to participate in is to do daily self-care. Now the visibility part is about, practicing your self-care and then posting it on social media and using the hashtag self-care is not selfish. Okay, now if that's not your thing, then that's fine. You don't have to do that to participate. You could just show up and support others who are posting it on your social social media like myself. so I ask you to follow the soul aligned Self-care Instagram page, which needs some love. I don't promote it enough. if you follow me on Instagram, you probably following me at Tina Stinson, coach. But at Soul Aligned, self-care is the Instagram that I created with the podcast in mind, but I haven't really gotten too into it.
Tina 00:06:08 So this is kind of an introduction into the soul Line self-care Instagram page, and I'm going to be posting my daily self-care on that page so you could follow me over there. You could follow anyone else who's participating in the challenge if you want, but definitely go on to Instagram. Go into the search bar and type in the hashtag. Self-care is not selfish, and follow the hashtag so that you could see anyone else who's using this hashtag and you could support them. So you don't necessarily have to post pictures and yourself on Instagram if you're not into that. But you can support others who are including myself. So come hang out with me on Instagram because Kind of. I want to normalize daily self-care for women. I want to normalize women putting themselves first. And if that me saying that triggers you, then you need this more than ever, because we are trained, from a young age to take care of everybody else and taking care of other people is wonderful. I'm not saying don't take care of other people, I'm just saying don't drain your every resource, taking care of of the other people.
Tina 00:07:18 I recently had a guest on the podcast. Her name was, Tamara, Doctor Tamara Beckford, I believe. I hope I'm not screwing that up. her episode is probably not going to go live until December. And we talked about self-care, and she is a self-care expert, and one of the things that she shared with with me was one of her, I think it was a colleague or a friend who said when she, you know, does things for other people When she's taking care of other people, she uses the saucer saucer method. And I was like, okay, well, what's that? And she said, well, I fill my own cup first and whatever overflows into the saucer, that's what I can give away to other people. And I thought that that was genius. It was just the perfect way to describe how we should help others. And it's not saying we shouldn't help others, it's just saying, fill your own cup first. When we take care of ourselves at the highest level, some of the things that will happen, you know, when we practice daily self-care, I'm going to share with you some of the changes that you might see and feel in your mind, your body and your soul like to the deepest level.
Tina 00:08:26 So the first thing is reduced stress and anxiety. So when we're really stressed, not only does this show that we're not taking care of ourselves, but it also kind of shows when we're out of alignment with ourselves, when we're aligned with ourselves, we're not going to feel tired and stressed. Okay? And so When we practice daily self-care and we start putting ourselves first. And I want to normalize me saying that to you. I want you to get used to me saying that. I want you to be able to say that to yourself without feeling guilty or selfish. So when we start doing that, we reduce stress and anxiety. And I've talked about this before. We also begin to create time for ourselves in space. Right. Because we're we're not doing the things that we're we're, you know, we're not doing the things that we're not supposed to be doing. Right. Did I say that correctly? I'm not really sure. We're not doing things that don't light us up inside. We're not doing things that we're not passionate about.
Tina 00:09:25 We're setting boundaries. We're going to talk more about that. Obviously, today, we're setting boundaries to protect our energy so that we could do the things that we love, you know? So instead of doing something that you've been obligated to do for, you know, someone else I always use, like when my kids were in school. The PTA is an example because they'll just, like, suck the life out of you. Sorry PTA ladies, but you were never nice to me. Yeah, I'm a little bitter, but, Yeah, I'd rather just volunteer. Right? Straight to the school or or take care of my kids and their friends personally than volunteer my time to the PTA because it was underappreciated, and it really exhausted me. Right. And so put your energy where it belongs and protect your protect your energy. I just got off on a little personal rant there. I'm sorry. I'm going to get back to the focus thing. So when you reduce stress and anxiety and you create that space for yourself, you create that flow for yourself, that support for your energy.
Tina 00:10:21 Then what happens? You have more energy. You're not as tired. You're not as exhausted, right? You you automatically have more energy. So how many of us out there feel tired? How many of us feel exhausted? Right. So we're exhausted because it's normal. It's a normal reaction for today's world. I'm just going to say it out loud. Today's world is a lot. We're bombarded with a lot of scary things information, more information than we ever been bombarded with in our own lives. They say that the amount of information that we get in a day is more information that people like 100 years ago would get in their whole entire lifetimes. And we just our brains just haven't adjusted to that. And on top of that, the world that we live in right now is just a little, you know, over the top. I think we could all agree on that. So when we practice daily self-care, we begin to build resilience. We're filling up that cup we have, like this little protective layer.
Tina 00:11:20 And when we start to build resilience, what happens? We begin to be able to respond to those tough situations in our life instead of react. Now we've all been there. I've definitely been there where like, one little thing will make me snap because I'm so tired. I'm so stressed, right? I'll just snap, right? And I'll snap at someone I don't want to snap at. Maybe someone you love, right? And so when we start to build resilience, we begin to have I always picture it as like this, this, this layer of pillars, pillows all around me, just like tied to my body and everything. Just kind of like bounces off of me. Like it's just like or like hits the pillows and then falls to the ground. Right. And it's not going to have this huge effect on me. I'm not going to react. I'm going to give myself the time to respond. Right. And when I can do this, not only do I gain more trust in myself, I also gain more confidence.
Tina 00:12:20 I feel like I can handle. I feel like a woman who is in total control of herself, and nothing's going to break me because I've built up that resilience. I'm taking care of myself on a daily. And who gets the benefit from that? Everybody around you, Everybody benefits from that when you show up as that confident, resilient woman, that powerful woman that you know is there, but you just don't know how to take care of her without disappointing everyone else. Right? You feel like it's wrong because that's what we've been trained to, to act that way. We've been trained from birth as women to to serve and take care of. Right. And as I said, that's not a negative thing. It just needs to be more balanced. It needs to be way more balanced. It's out of balance right now. And so you're building that resilience and you're showing up as that confident woman. You're showing up as her okay. So you when you take care of yourself at the deepest level, you're taking care of yourself because you're worthy.
Tina 00:13:24 You deserve it. You're treating yourself like the Queen that you are, right? You're treating yourself like I always say, Say you have a really important guest coming to stay at your house. You know, so are my most important people that come to my house are my kids. I love it when my kids come to visit. I want to make them comfortable. I want to have fun. I want to spoil them. I never get to do that anymore. I want to cook for them. I want to take care of them. Right. And so I create such a beautiful environment for them when they come here. That's my goal, okay? And I love doing that. And they do the same thing for me. You know, when I come and visit them, they always make sure we have a good time. They plan things, they do everything they possibly can, have fun with me and spend time with me. And so it's very it's a very mutual relationship that we have. It's very supported on both ends.
Tina 00:14:16 It's not a one way thing. That's that me creating that space for my children, for my most favorite guests. I want you to think about who your most favorite guest is and what you do when they come to your house. That's the way you need to be treating yourself every day. You're the guest. What would you do differently if you knew that you were the guest? Would you, like, have your best linens out all the time? Use your best towels. Would you make your your house not clutter free and clean and make it look beautiful and smell beautiful and make it comfortable? Would you cook yourself the best food? Right. So start treating yourself like the goddess that you are. Because when you start to treat yourself that way, when you take care of yourself at the highest level, when you start putting yourself first, then that person who you're supporting, that true person that you're aligning with your true self, you're allowing yourself to align with your true self. Then you get to to share that beautiful, resilient, confident, powerful, strong, calm woman full of joy.
Tina 00:15:33 You have all of this to give and share with other people. You get to share that version of yourself with your children, with your partner, with your family, with your friends, with your job, with your business. If you own a business, this is so important. This is so important. But it's equally important for everyone. But people don't really drag this, this kind of work into their business, and I believe that it does need to be dragged into the business. So you need to treat yourself like you would treat your best, finest guest like. And if it's not someone in your family, then just imagine, like the person that you that you idolize the most coming to your house, how would you treat them? And then like turn like look in the mirror and treat yourself that way? Right. And what happens when you do this also? This is a really important thing that happens to this is a shift that will happen in your whole world. So when you show up this way for yourself, and then you're showing up like this powerful version of yourself, and you're sharing that with everybody, not only you're showing other women or people that look up to you, you're showing these other people that they can do this for themselves.
Tina 00:16:49 You're showing them it's possible. And you are sometimes a beacon of light for other people, other women who are maybe just starting their journey and you're showing your children how to respect themselves, how to set boundaries at a young age so that it's not as hard for them if you've never set a boundary in your whole life and you're in your 30s, 40s, 50, 60 70s wherever you're at and you're starting to set your your first boundaries, it's not going to be easy. And I'm not saying it's impossible. I can tell you with complete confidence, it's possible because I did it in my 40s. And so I'm telling. But if you if you're setting an example for some some of your the little people around you, you can make it so much easier for them. And then the second thing that happens, that's, that's just this accidental thing that wasn't intentional. But then when I realized it is we teach people the way we want to be treated, I always say, to my clients. And I definitely shared here on the podcast that if you're feeling like you're not respected and you're feeling like people are walking all over you, the person that you need to look at is yourself and people.
Tina 00:18:06 No one likes to hear that. I don't want to hear that. When I came to this realization years and years and years ago, I hated hearing that. As a matter of fact, I denied it for a certain amount of time because I didn't want to think that I wasn't treating myself well, that I was treating myself the way people were treating me, because the way people were treating me was horrible, But I was such a people pleaser that people knew they could treat me that way. And it wasn't always intentional. Not everybody's intentional. It's just like human nature for people to take advantage of that. And you may say, no, that's not human nature. I'm like, yes, it is. It's human nature. If you make things easy for a person, it's hard for them not to grasp, for it doesn't mean they're a terrible person. So we teach people how we wish to be treated by the way we treat ourselves. So when I go back to what I was talking about, treat yourself like the best guess you ever had in your own house.
Tina 00:19:00 And when we show up for ourselves that way, when we're setting boundaries and people know what our boundaries are, and everybody has a person like this in their life, like, I just want you to stop for a second right now and think of who is it in your life that you know that doesn't take shit from anybody? They have strong boundaries and you know exactly what their fucking boundaries are like. Just think of that one person. Just maybe it's more than one person. Hopefully. Like, we all have those people in our lives. Now, I want you to think of the person who just will do anything, anything for you. They'll put the put you first before them. And you know this. And sometimes you feel guilty about it. But they they insist. They insist on doing this for you. Those are the people pleasers. Those are the people where you should just be like, no, no, you don't need to do that. Just say no. Be that person who doesn't take advantage of the ease of someone else bending for you.
Tina 00:20:02 So, be that person. Be the person who sets the strong boundaries and then shows up as like that woman who's in total control of herself and her life and her energy that's around her. Everything is energy. Everything is energy. You want to learn about energy, like start to look into like Marilyn Monroe and how she used to manage her energy. And I heard someone tell a story about her the other day. And I always, I wonder if there's a book about this, because I would love to read it. But she could walk down the street and no one would notice that she was there, because she would. She would rain her energy, and she was a master of her own energy. And then when she wanted to be noticed, when she would turn into Marilyn because she created Marilyn, she wasn't she. That was like her alter ego, whatever you want to call it. She would step into this energy and then everybody would notice her. Right? And so, star, everything is energy is everything is energy.
Tina 00:21:05 How you show up. And so start showing up for yourself that way. Start showing up for yourself and start if you know, if you need to think of it as this is what I would do for someone else, and you're not at that point where you're like, I deserve this, right? If you're not at that point yet, I want you to think about how you would show up for someone else and then just start doing that for yourself. Just start doing it. Okay, so boundaries when we set boundaries, boundaries is all about defining what is okay and what is not okay for you. It's totally 100% specific to you. There is no societal definition of what boundary is, okay and what's not. This is about you. So when I hear someone tell me I had a friend of mine tell me once, and he was talking about his ex-wife, and he said, yeah, but my ex-wife, she creates boundaries to, like, hurt me. She does it to hurt me. And I knew right then and there that, no, that's not what she was doing.
Tina 00:22:10 But he took it that way because it wasn't easy for, like, she was finally setting and maintaining boundaries to protect her energy. And he was he wasn't liking it. It didn't mean he was a he's a bad person. He just wasn't liking it. He wasn't liking things were harder for him because she wasn't being the people pleaser. She wasn't being walked all over anymore. And she was defining what's okay for her and what's not okay for her. Okay. And he didn't like that. But what he doesn't understand is that she's allowed to create her own boundaries, and she is the person who gets to decide what those are. Nobody else does. Nobody else does. And if you don't like it, then you could step away now. Now, boundaries protect your energy and your emotional well-being. Now, I don't want to just, like, slide past that, okay? Because I told you everything is energy, right? So if everything is energy, why would you not want to protect it? It's our most important resource or most valuable resource and emotion.
Tina 00:23:11 We're protecting our emotional well-being, our emotions, our information. Okay, so when our emotions are out of whack, they're telling us that something is not aligned. So pay attention. Like I talked about last week, to those that when those emotions pop up, okay, so we're protecting our energy or our emotional well-being and helping you stay aligned with your true self. When we're in alignment, we're not stressed, we're not anxious, we're in the present moment. We're happy and we're following our passions, and we're going to set boundaries in order to create that space for ourselves. Setting boundaries allows you to show up authentically and be fully present for others. So we started this series talking about people pleasing. And when we're people pleasing, we're turning into whatever that other person wants us to show up as. And we're doing it to avoid conflict and make things easier. Right. And it's not always something that the other person expects. We do it to ourselves, I know I did. So setting boundaries allows you to show up authentically and be fully present as yourself for others, and I can't.
Tina 00:24:21 This is our job, and when we show up authentically, it's less work. Think about it. Think about like when you lie, how much work it is to keep up that lie because it's a lie, right? So you have to, like, consciously keep up with it. But when you you, when you're honest, so authentic, authentic to me is like being honest. And nobody's 100% honest all the time, right? We know that. But when you're showing up authentically and you're being fully present as yourself, for others, it's less work. That's why we're reducing stress and anxiety. Just showing up as your weird self. Let your freak flag fly as I say it, and just showing up as that version of yourself. That's how you're supposed to show up. As a matter of fact, it's your part in the world and the universe to show up as you. You were born that way for a reason, so it's 100% your responsibility to show up that way. So when we protect our energy and we get to show up as our higher, higher version of ourselves, our authentic selves, what what does that create for you? It creates all those things I just talked about.
Tina 00:25:26 Less stress and anxiety. More energy. Resilience. Confidence. Power. We get to show up as that version for the people we love. We get to share that with the people we love. Everybody benefits. Self-care is not selfish. Putting yourself first is not selfish. So think of boundaries as a way to honor your time, your energy, and your values which are unique to you. And I can't stress that enough. So this week I want you to identify one boundary, and I want you to start small and easy if this is new to you. Start small and easy and you need one that supports your self-love. So it could be as simple as saying no to an unnecessary obligation or taking ten minutes for yourself daily. Sign up for the 30 Day challenge because it's about spending 15 minutes or less every single day on yourself. Sign up for the challenge. So this week, I want you to set a boundary, and I want you to hold it. And then I want you to celebrate your success each time you maintain it.
Tina 00:26:32 So when you set a boundary, it is 100% your job to maintain it, no one else's. It's not anybody else's job to respect your boundary. That's just like a bunch of bullshit. It's your job to maintain it 100%. So what I want you to do is I want you to write out what boundary that it is that you want to set. Just write out the whole situation. Right. So say we're going to just use the example I just gave. You're going to say okay. We're going to this is a very easy boundary to set. You're going to spend ten minutes every day doing something for yourself like a practice of self-love. So reading your favorite book, having a cup of tea, doing a little breathwork session, doing a little meditation, maybe a quick yoga stretch, maybe a walk out in nature, maybe creating like a healthy snack for yourself, whatever it might be. So you're going to commit your new boundary is like, I'm going to spend ten minutes every day on myself of something.
Tina 00:27:30 Something I'm going to promote self-care or self-love for myself every single day. Write it out. Okay. Then I want you to create a script on what you will say to yourself or whoever challenges the boundary in order to enforce it. So say like you are creating the space for yourself every morning and then, you know, Wednesday morning or whatever. You have some kind of an early obligation. So you have to be out of the house an hour earlier than normal. And so you're like, oh, I'm not going to be able to do my self-care that day. So have a script for yourself. How are you going to talk to you? Because we talk to ourselves in our heads, right? We do. And so say to yourself, okay, I know I have an early obligation, so I'm going to plan around it. So I'm either going to get up earlier if you hate to get up earlier, which is most people. But like me, no I'll get up earlier. I love getting up early.
Tina 00:28:22 or you could commit to practicing an act of self-care for yourself ten minutes later on the evening. Maybe you're going to take a bath, or you're going to go to a yoga class, or you're going to have, you're going to meet your friend for coffee or something like that, something that's going to feed your soul and take care of you. Okay. So, so any time that it pops up that it might be interrupted, you're just going to say to yourself, you're going to create a script. My self-care is important. I get to create space and align with my true self. And so I'm going to make the space for my self-care and I'm going to do it later. So just like create a script. I don't know if that was very eloquent, but create a script for yourself that you're going to say, and I want you to practice it in the mirror. This is so important. I know it sounds so cheesy, but the easier you like, the easier you can make the script.
Tina 00:29:14 So just short and sweet and the practice is really important. And this is going to be even more important when you're setting a boundary with someone else that's difficult to deal with. Creating a script and practicing the script so that when you have to do it under pressure, is it? It just becomes so much easier. So you need to the best way to learn how to do this, to start learning how to do this is to do it with yourself. And so practice the script. You know, you could say something as simple, no, my self-care is important. I'm doing this. It could be as simple as that. And you could say that to yourself in the mirror. My self-care is important and I'm doing this now. If, say, you have a partner and you have kids and you're like, listen, every morning from, you know, 6:00 to 615, I'm going to be, doing my breathwork and my meditation. Do not disturb me. Okay, so then the next morning, one of the kids comes in.
Tina 00:30:13 They need their sweatshirt for school. Where is it? Did you wash it? Blah blah blah. And if it's between 6 and 615, you're going to say, I'm sorry. I told you that I was busy, busy at this time. I'll be done at 615. So you're going to have to wait till then. You're going to that's that's the maintain the boundary. That's the script. Your husband's like I'm running late. Can you please make my breakfast? I'm sorry. 6 to 615. I'm sorry. I promised myself I would do this. I'll make your breakfast after I'm finished. Whatever. You know what I mean. Set the boundary and maintain it. But tell the people about it first. So you could even put a little sticky note on your door wherever you're meditating. And just write in meditation. And you might not want to meditate. You might want to read your book. And if that's what you want to do, that's only your business. That's nobody else's business. You're allowed to do this stuff for yourself.
Tina 00:31:06 Because what happens when we put ourselves first? We get to share that version of ourselves with our kids, our partner, our friends, our family, our business, our work. Right? So it's going to benefit them. It's going to benefit the kids. You're done with your meditation. You come out and you'd be like, oh, your sweatshirts right over there, or your sweater. If you don't put your sweatshirt in the laundry, it won't get washed or something like that. So that's this week's challenge. That's your action step. Okay. I also want to share a journal prompt with you okay. So very simple. What would it look like to put my needs first without guilt? How would it feel to say no as an act of self love? Not selfish? How is it? What? How would it feel to say no as an act of self-love? You know you're supporting yourself and in turn, you're supporting others. Okay, that's that's the journal prompt to work on this week.
Tina 00:32:09 So you have this you have one boundary to set. And I would love to hear what your experience is. So join the challenge and connect with me on the soul aligned Self-care Instagram page. And you can message me. You could DM me there and share with me your boundary if you want. If you're having a challenge setting a boundary, share it with me. Definitely share with me. I would love to hear how it's working out for you. I'm so excited about this challenge because and I want you to share this challenge with your friends. Do it with your friends. Do it with your families. Do your kids just share it with everybody so that we could start to normalize daily self-care, especially for women. I know men need to do this too, but especially for women. Okay guys, I love you and I'll see you next week for week five. Bye.
