Tina 00:00:00 Are you the type of person that sometimes just beat yourself up? Whether it's the way you look, what you're doing in your life, where you're at in your life, what you're saying, all the things you're fitness. We constantly judge ourselves and beat ourselves up, which leads to self-sabotage. So on today's podcast, I'm going to share with you a tool that I use that I actually learned a long time ago from a business coach, and I kind of shifted it around to work for turning self-sabotage into self-love. Let's get into it. You're listening to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. I'm your host, Tina Stinson, and I had a stroke at the age of 39 from stress and burnout that shook my world. Now I'm laying it all out. The deep level self-care practices and mindset shifts that I needed that kept me healthy, balanced and thriving. Join me in this intimate space as we explore healing, resilience, and the soul's journey to alignment. This is where real conversations about deep level self-care happen. Let's get into it.
Tina 00:01:21 Hey guys, welcome back to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. If this is your first time joining me, welcome. And for those of you who are coming back each week and hanging out with me, I love you and I thank you for spending this time with you. With me. I really, really do appreciate all of you. And if you get a chance and you love the podcast, please leave a, a rating or whatever you want to call it. it really helps get the show in front of more people. That's kind of how it works. So if you're on Apple Podcast, just scroll down and leave whatever, you know, star rating you want to leave me. And if you if you're feeling it, you could even leave a few words to help guide more people to come visit me here on the podcast. So if you do that, just let me know. I would love to thank you in person. So today we're talking about how to transform your inner dialogue going from self-sabotage to self-love.
Tina 00:02:24 So raise your hand and I know I can't see you. But on that note, before I get started, I am going to start doing my solo podcasts on camera so that I could put them on YouTube. I did it once before, and then I'm just going to say that I got a little lazy. one of the things I like about podcasting is I could be like, you know, with my hair and a messy bun and my pajamas. and I know I don't have to get all dolled up to do a podcast, but I always feel like I need to be a little presentable. So I'm going to start doing that. Like that is like one of my new goals this fall. I'm doing a reset right now in the circle. if you don't know what circle is, circle is my new membership program. It's the Soul Alliance Self-care circle, where you get to uplevel your self-care every week with other people. So I'll give you a self-care practice each week a meditation, some affirmations, some journal prompts.
Tina 00:03:18 It's really a great way, as I said, to uplevel your self-care and stay consistent and you get accountability. And so it's a really cool place. I would love for you to join me. There's a ten day free trial, so it's like a no brainer. so I'll put the link for that in in the show notes so that you could have it. I just got totally and completely sidetracked. Now I'm just going to get into this. So what am I talking about today? I'm talking about how we criticize ourselves all the time now, there might be a few people listening that don't do this. And if that's you, that's great. But still listen, because this is a really cool practice that I want to share with you. And I think it'll be really, really helpful to a lot of people. It really helped me quite a bit. As I said in the intro, I learned this from a business coach and I don't remember their name. It was such a long time ago and it wasn't somebody I actually was working with.
Tina 00:04:13 I believe it was somebody that maybe I went to like a free workshop or master class or something. It was just something like that. And it was like when I first started like 2015. And so it was a while ago. I don't remember who it was, but it really stuck with me. And I don't use it too much in my business anymore. And I probably should, even though I don't have a lot of, imposter syndrome, which is what it's used to help with. it also helps with confidence, which, you know, my confidence level goes up and down all the time, just like everybody else. And so it can be very, very helpful. So I'm going to because I know some people might be curious. And if I don't share with you the business practice first, you might get upset with me. and I did write a blog post, but I didn't really share this in the blog post. So, I'm going to start consistently connecting my blog post to the podcast so you could, if you're a reader, you could read the blog post and you could listen.
Tina 00:05:16 You could do both whatever you want. So anyway, the business practice was it was to help us to help with imposter syndrome. And imposter syndrome is when you, you know, you lack the confidence. You're like, who am I to be doing this work? Who am I to be working with these people? How could I help them? How could little old me help them? And you start to, like, doubt yourself and doubt your confidence. And it happens to, I think, all coaches. It happens to not just coaches as people in any industry. It happens to famous people, actors, it happens to performers, it happens to everybody. And so this practice was, you know, geared to help with that. And so what she had us do was really write down what we were proud of. Like all of our Accomplishments. You know, everything we can come up with over the years, even if they were just small, tiny accomplishments to the big, great accomplishments that we made and just write them all down.
Tina 00:06:13 And part of it, too, was including if you had like client testimonials, putting those in there too, and almost creating like this journal, like this confidence journal, or, I don't know what else you would call it, but a success journal, I don't know. There's there's so many things that you can call it, but have like a journal dedicated to this and just like keep it going over the years. And I kind of stopped doing it. And I feel like now I don't know why this came to me. Right now, I'm just a firm believer in that these things come up when we need them, or like, these things are going to come to me when my clients need them. Something like that. I just feel like, I could be very intuitive that way. I was legit just lying in bed this morning and this just came to me. And then I realized that it came from this practice. So like the practice I'm going to teach you about self-love is very similar to this.
Tina 00:07:05 But I didn't realize that right away. I just thought of it. I was like, oh, this is a really this is a really great way to practice self-love. And then I was like, oh, I know where that came from. Like, it just it was in the corner of my memory somewhere that just kind of dragged out. So I really do believe there's either I need it or one of my clients need it, or someone who's going to hear this today needs it, whatever it is. Okay. And so what this, this success journal does is when you're feeling that those moments of imposter syndrome or you're feeling those moments where you just need a little extra boost of confidence, you go into this journal and you read about your accomplishments and you kind of boost yourself up and you kind of like, yeah, I could do this. Look what I did before, right? So it's kind of like proof for yourself, right? And it really does work. It also kind of retrains your brain to kind of focus on the positive instead of constantly beating yourself up.
Tina 00:08:00 You're looking at the things that you actually did have success with, whether they're big or small. And so slowly but surely, your brain will start to focus on these things all the time. And so it's a really, really cool, beneficial practice. Now, as I said, the title of the podcast, Transform Your Inner Dialogue go from self-sabotage to self-love. Like so many of us sabotage ourselves because we don't have the confidence. Because maybe we have some imposter syndrome. Maybe we're just scared we have that fear because when we step out there and we put ourselves out there, we always have that fear of maybe being rejected by society, by our partner, by our friends, family, whoever, right? Maybe we're just judging ourselves, right? So we have this fear, and so we sabotage ourselves all the time from being able to have that success and move forward just out of fear, out of the and and practicing self-love and building yourself up helps with that. It helps you focus on these positive things.
Tina 00:09:06 It retrains your brain from that negative self-talk. You know, like when you look at yourself in the mirror, you're doing something for the first time and you're like, oh my God, why are you doing this? You're going to embarrass yourself or you don't look good in that. Why are you wearing that? Like, look at yourself. You're being so silly. Like, who are you to do that? Like all those negative things that you're saying to yourself? That's when this practice will come in. So, many of us have become, I think, experts and self-criticism. Right? It comes so easy to us like we we and it's sometimes it's even hard to catch yourself when you, you know, are talking badly to yourself. You know, we're telling ourselves we're not good enough, that we don't measure up, that we need to change to be accepted. Right? It's this relentless negative self-talk. It drains your energy. It kind of destroys your. It's the killer of all dreams. It just diminishes your self-confidence.
Tina 00:10:05 And it really does kind of prevent you from living fully. but what I'm talking about today is about really shifting that inner dialogue. But the first step is always awareness. So you have to really pay attention to how you're talking to yourself and, and maybe ask yourself every time, like what? I talk this way to a friend or family member. So what if instead of beating yourself up all the time, you took a moment each day to celebrate your achievements, to tell yourself how proud you are of yourself, whether they're big or small, just just embrace them and embrace self-love. So why does self-love matter? I think we all know self-love matters, but it's not just like this, you know, kind of buzzword in the coaching community. It's a really, really crucial element of personal growth. It's a really crucial element of self-care and and your well-being. So when we honor ourselves, we cultivate a mindset that can foster confidence, resilience, and a positive outlook. And so while we can still like, want to improve ourselves, that's natural.
Tina 00:11:17 That's human nature. It should never come at the cost of like, you know, beating down our self-worth. Okay, so when you're moving towards self-love, it, you know, you could begin moving in that direction with small, very intentional practices. So we all know, right, that it's not about reaching the top of the mountain, but enjoying the climb. So that's why it's so important to celebrate your wins along the way. Have fun, be kind to yourself, and make self-compassion a daily ritual. Because, as I said, it's not about the endpoint that we think we're going to reach someday. Like we're going to be happy when we get there. It's about being happy on our way there, okay? Because nothing changes when we get there. We just want to get to the next mountain. Okay? And so once you realize that, and you should realize that just by looking at you, reaching your past goals, some of us don't even celebrate when we reach our goals. Right? So.
Tina 00:12:20 the practice that I want to teach you today is called In This Moment, and it's a self-love practice. And it's very similar to the business practice that I that I talked about in the beginning. So before I get into it, though, I just want to go over one more thing. So when we're constantly telling ourselves we're not good enough, we're like building these, these patterns in our brain to constantly focus on nitpicking ourself, to constantly focusing on the negative. Hold on a second. I have to take a sip of my coffee. Sorry about that noise. I don't know, I feel like I have a tickle on my throat, right? And so what we're going to do with this practice and why it. Why you need to do it as many every day, if as much as you can, right? Sometimes we might have trouble doing things every single day, but it's kind of the kind of thing. It's kind of like meditation. I don't know about you. Some people are very like they meditate every single day, but I, I go through stages where I meditate constantly, every single day.
Tina 00:13:24 And then I'll go through like a week or two where I don't meditate at all. I'll be doing something else, maybe breathwork, maybe yoga, whatever, but then I'll go back to it. So I don't want you to beat yourself up if you don't do this every day. But the whole point of doing it often is to retrain your brain to focus more on the positive, to focus on the things that you've accomplished, to focus on your wins instead of the things that you haven't wanted, instead of the mistakes or the failures right now, like before I move forward, I just want to redefine or like, like quick mindset shift Failures. Mistakes are all things that are needed for success. Okay, so I don't want you to think negatively about the failures of the mistakes, but learn from them. How can you be a student who your failures? How can you be a student to your mistakes? They're meant to teach us. They're meant to help us expand and grow. So they're not necessarily negative.
Tina 00:14:21 But I don't want you to constantly focus on them like they're a bad thing. I hope that makes sense. So this powerful self-love practice is it can be really, really helpful to to refocus your attention, help you shift your mindset from that self-loathing to self-acceptance. And as I said, this was inspired by the business coach years ago the unnamed business coach. So this is going to be a daily ritual. So I want you to set aside a few minutes at the end of each day. Now, you could do this in the morning, but what's nice about doing it at the end of the day is you get to reflect on that day, and I want you to reflect on your accomplishments. I want you to name at least 1 to 5 things that you're proud of for yourself. It's your time to get present and grounded in the moment. Get centered. If you have to close down your eyes, put your hand on your heart center. Take a few deep breaths, but I want you to get into your body and really focus and think of 1 to 5 things that you're proud of from that day.
Tina 00:15:26 And these could be really small things. And I do suggest that you start with small because it's so easy and you can create success and momentum with it. So everyday actions like I ate a healthy breakfast today, I completed my workout. I went for a walk. I spent some quality time with my kids or my partner. I signed a new client today. I took a relaxing bath. It could be something big, like I created a meal from the food I grew in my garden. That's something that took you all summer to do right? Like, it could be big things. It could be. I got a new job. You know, for me, it could be. I got, like, a dream guest on my podcast. You know, it could be so many different things. So whatever it is, it could just be. I took a moment this morning to relax and watch the sunrise with my coffee. I know I talk about that a lot, but it's one of my favorite things to do, right? That is a win.
Tina 00:16:21 Okay, so we need to reflect on these. Now don't just write. You know, now I think it would be helpful to write these in a journal. But you don't need to. You could do this almost like a meditation practice, but writing it down in your journal and creating the journal, just like, you know, the business one I think would be really, really, really helpful. Okay. Because then when you're feeling down, are you feeling less confident or you're feeling bad about yourself? You can go to this journal and look at all of these things that you've accomplished. Okay. Now the next step, and this is probably even more important, is to reflect on the way that you feel. So as you recall these moments in your day, and it doesn't have to be from that day, it could be anything that you remember. Okay. Just try to come up with at least one different thing each day. So as you recall them, I want you to ask yourself, how did this make you feel? So like really, really dive into the emotions.
Tina 00:17:20 I felt relaxed, I felt proud, I felt happy, you know, whatever, whatever emotions come up, feel into that. I want you to feel like the sensations that the achievements you kind of brought up in your body and recognize how feeling good about your actions impacts your mood and those around you. So you could even ask or ask yourself that question, how how does me improving my mood by doing this work affect everybody else around me? How does it affect my partner, my kids, my best friend, my parents, whoever? Right? Whoever's in your life. How does it affect your business? Right. And as I said, I want you to consider doing this in a journal. I think it would be really powerful. Write it down. Write down how it made you feel, and then revisit it. As I said, whenever self-doubt like creeps in or you just need a little confidence boost, you like, maybe you're going in to do an interview or something, or you have a big moment at work or like and you just need a little confidence boost.
Tina 00:18:28 Just reading through your past successes can just build that confidence up. And it kind of validates your your, you know, yourself a little bit. It just feels really good. So this works, this practice like being intentionally kind and loving and supportive to yourself. It helps retrain your brain, as I said, to focus on the positive gradually kind of shifting from self-sabotage to self-improvement. So while it may take some time to undo years and years and years of self-criticism. Maybe you've been doing this your whole life, right? So remember that it's going to take some time. It's it's a journey, right? It's a practice towards self-love. It's ongoing and every step counts. Okay, so this isn't about being perfect, okay? It's about treating yourself with the same loving care that you would offer to one of your friends, to your partner, to your children, to your parents, to whoever you love in your life. Everyone needs and deserves love. And by, you know, creating self-love for yourself.
Tina 00:19:36 You teach everybody around you how you want and deserve to be treated. So if you're feeling like people don't appreciate you, that you don't feel loved, I want you to start with the person in the mirror. Give yourself the love and acknowledgement that you deserve first and watch how it transforms your life. Watch how people start treating you differently. Because we teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. And I can't say that enough. It's so important. It's so hard to hear. That was so hard for me to. It was a hard lesson for me to learn years and years ago, when I was rebuilding my self-confidence and my self-worth after coming out of a very verbally abusive relationship with a narcissist. Okay, that I spent 20 somewhat years in. So that was there was a lot of retraining going on there, and I didn't want to hear that. The reason why I felt so unloved and underappreciated was my fault, right? I didn't want to hear that. Right. But until you start really stepping into and taking responsibility for the way you want to be treated, you can't really change it.
Tina 00:20:42 It's like you have to take responsibility and you have to. It all starts inside of you. It all starts. That's why everyone always says you have everything you need inside you right now to be successful. And like you hate hearing that, right? It's a sound. So you know But it's true. That's why. That's why people say that it's because we have the power to change ourselves. And that change changes everything. The environment, everybody that's in the environment around us. So when you want to feel loved, you want to feel appreciated, then love and appreciate yourself first. Love yourself so much that you're just making yourself sick. So I hope that this was helpful. Let me know if you try the practice. Also, remember, if you want to join us in the Self-care circle membership, hold on a second. It's ragweed season and I'm going to like start coughing any minute now. So I just had to take a sip of water. So if you're looking to take your self-care to that next level, join us in the solar aligned self-care circle.
Tina 00:21:51 As I said, there's a ten day free trial, and right now it's at half price because it's in beta. Like I'm testing this out right now. Not to say that I'm testing out whether I'm going to do it or not. This is more about testing out how I want to deliver it, what works best for the people that are in the program. And so when I'm in this testing phase, which will be now until the end of the year, it's at half price. So get in now while you can. You can hold that price as long as you stay in the membership. the price will go up. probably in January. That's milli. Okay. Milli, it's time for me to go. So it was great for you to hang out with you today. I'm flabbergasted because my dog is barking. It's okay, it's okay. That's Millie, the self-care, mascot. I'll share a picture with her at some point. I'll share a picture of me and her at some point. Okay? I'm gonna I'm gonna stop talking now because I'm losing my ability to talk.
Tina 00:22:54 You want to say goodbye? Millie, that was perfect. Okay. Love you guys. Bye.
