Tina 00:00:00 Hey guys, I have a special guest on today's episode of the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. His name is Nat and he is a multifaceted guide and mentor. He's the creator of the Resistance Release technique and supports ambitious professionals to feel a sense of ease with their bodies so they could deepen their self-trust, succeed in their purpose, and reclaim their energy. This was such a great conversation, and I really hope that you enjoy it as much as I did. Let's get into it. You're listening to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. I'm your host, Tina Stinson, and I had a stroke at the age of 39 from stress and burnout that shook my world. Now I'm laying it all out. The deep level self-care practices and mindset shifts that I needed that kept me healthy, balanced, and thriving. Join me in this intimate space as we explore healing, resilience, and the soul's journey to alignment. This is where real conversations about deep level self-care happen. Let's get into it. Hello, Nat, welcome to the Soul Line Self-care podcast.
Tina 00:01:21 Thank you for coming on today. How are you doing?
Nat 00:01:24 so good. Tina, I'm glad that we finally are able to connect.
Tina 00:01:29 Yes. Me too. I know it's been a while since I talked to you last, so it's it's really cool to be able to connect. if you could start out by just sharing with the listeners what you do and maybe your journey to how you got there.
Nat 00:01:45 Yeah. Thank you. well, so what comes to mind is like, I do a number of things, like, I do web design. My wife and I have, a ballroom dance studio. but, but I'm also I'm also a coach, and, I think we'll focus mainly on that today. Yes. I, I'm a coach that helps people prioritize themselves, you know, including more of themselves in their lives. And, usually people come to me because they realize that the way that they've been living, the way they've been engaging in life, they can't continue that way anymore. you know, maybe there's too much compromise or sacrifice or, you know, too much of other people, other things ahead of the list, and they're last on the list, and they realize they they want to change, but they, they don't know how.
Nat 00:02:48 Yes. where to start just because they're, they're, they're looking for new ways of being. Yeah. And and a big focus of mine is helping people gain freedom from self-sabotage. Because I find in my own experience without. Which I'll get to in a little bit. But in in my clients, is that what stops them from allowing themselves to include more of themselves to, you know, honor their own values, honor their their feelings is self-sabotage, which is really self-protection, right? That there's some part of us, often young, that is running the show and thinks that, you know, it needs to behave a certain way to get what it wants, to get what it needs. And if it doesn't, then it's unsafe. And that's. And so I don't know if you felt it, but I, I feel it a lot in my body where there's discomfort, there's like Visceral tension and contraction and, and I just want to avoid at all costs. And that's what shows up as procrastination or overthinking and or even people pleasing.
Nat 00:04:05 You know.
Tina 00:04:06 People pleasing is a big one that I say, yeah.
Nat 00:04:09 Or like, yeah, not being able to set boundaries or stick to boundaries. You know, if there's this discomfort that comes up in the body and then this belief that comes with it that makes us think, well, if I do this, then I will lose connection with someone. If I do this, then there will be a loss. if I do this, then people will think I don't care or they'll think I don't love them. And so to try to keep that structure in place that that kind of, relationship and place based on a way of, based on, oh, like a way of living that's no longer congruent with who we are. But that part of us doesn't know. Yeah, right. And so for me personally, this has been my life where, I didn't for a lot of my life, I didn't feel safe to be myself. I believe that I needed to people, please, in order to feel loved.
Nat 00:05:15 I needed a people pleaser to avoid, discontent or disharmony within a relationship. Yeah. you know, one of the things that I experienced growing up was like the silent treatment a lot. And so, you know, like, that kind of grips you and and you don't want to feel, absent of love. And so you, you know, I learned. Well, I'll just do whatever I need to do to try to win that person back. Right. And that often meant losing myself in that process. Yeah. A lot of my life has also been about avoidance, where I thought, well, you know, the same thing. I don't like confrontation. I don't like discomfort, so maybe I can avoid it all and find a different way to get to where I wanted to go. But that led to a lot of, scenic ways to get to where I want to get to. you know, losing losing my way, you know, and and obviously losing myself. Yeah. And, so this has been a my own journey of honoring myself, owning my power, taking up space, being with being present with myself, you know, because I just thought, you know, with all the discomfort I was feeling, I just thought, well, I could just, engage in the law of attraction or manifest things to feel safe And, you know, it was primarily externally focused.
Nat 00:06:53 What can I do on the outside or what can I change energetically within myself so that I could avoid all discomfort and and that that didn't work for me. And so, you know, more recently then it's been this process of learning to be with learning to be with my feelings, learning to be with the discomfort that comes up in my body and in meeting myself with a lot of curiosity and compassion.
Tina 00:07:23 Yeah. That's it takes a lot to get to that place before you do that work. I think everybody always starts on the outer side and then, realizes that nothing works until you go inward and start to work on yourself inside. So when you, because you started off, saying, people that they know not prioritizing themselves and they're not living the way they want to live. Most, most people feel stuck. They that I run into, they feel stuck. They feel like they don't have some kind of a purpose. They don't feel like they're living their life fully. And I feel like that's a lot of people.
Tina 00:08:00 do you work with a lot of men or women or both? What do you seem to gravitate towards?
Nat 00:08:06 I, I work with both, but, I would say majority or women. okay. I seem to draw to me a lot of, well, women and men who are out of balance with their feminine, if you will, if you know what I mean by that. Yeah. you know, they're they're in they're not in a healthy relationship with their masculine, but they're also not in a healthy relationship with their feminine. Yeah. The feminine is often they think of it as weak or like to woo woo, and that they haven't even the feelings. Right. That a sense of vulnerability. And so yeah, I, I don't necessarily talk about feminine masculine. So overtly but you know, I might talk about it as in terms of structure and flow. you know, moving into the heart. balancing head and heart, things like that. You know, a lot of people that I work with tend to spend a lot of their time in their head, being analytical, trying to be intellectual, rational.
Nat 00:09:20 and I've learned that that's a coping mechanism to avoid feeling.
Tina 00:09:26 Yeah. And I think that there's a lot of people that are out of balance as, as far as the masculine and feminine. And I feel like men, men are more like that because they're kind of programmed that way. And also, it doesn't it's not really there's not a lot of safe spaces for them to be open to balancing those two. And as you said, it's you know, when you say, you know, masculine and feminine, most, most men would probably only want to be identified as masculine. But you need both. In order to be balanced, you need to be able to receive sometimes, and not just always being the doer, you know? And and when men or women are stuck in their masculine, it's almost, they feel they have to be in their masculine all the time. Sometimes they're in a circumstance where, they're almost forced to be in their masculine, in like a survival kind of mode. And then you have women who feel like that's how they have to show up in order to be taken seriously.
Tina 00:10:27 and also, that's a kind of programming also, you know, from when, when we're young. So I feel like it's it's, I feel like women are more willing to do the work, but I also feel like that might be changing a little bit, which is, really hopeful. so I think maybe that's why you see more women than men. But it's, definitely seeing more men doing this type of work, you know? so when you talked about, gaining freedom from self-sabotage, do you find, I mean, you mentioned some of the reasons you think people self-sabotage, but do you find that, it has a lot it's mostly fear based. Or how do you feel about that? What do you usually find?
Nat 00:11:12 Well, it's it is fear based, but it's not necessarily a conscious fear based. you know, it's it's, most people, you know, as I mentioned before, most people come at it logically, you know, even in terms of like, self-sabotage and productivity. Right? They looking at productivity hacks, you know, and not to say that they don't work like time blocking or, you know, setting a schedule and finding a good plan or things like that.
Nat 00:11:48 But I know for myself that I've done those things and they they weren't lasting. They, they weren't sustainable because in inadvertently, I would just come across something new and feel that that discomfort in my body and avoid. So, so that discomfort just arises. It's not something sometimes sometimes it comes because we have a thought, right where the mind has a thought, it has a narrative about how it thinks things are going to be. And and it's based on what has happened in the past. So it projects it forward as a way to, to create a buffer so that we don't get hurt again. Right. So, you know, it could be like an example would be, someone that grew up with a family member that was just really outspoken and, energetic and, that child believes that, that that parent is being too much. Right. And they don't want to be like that. Yeah. And and so they change their behavior to, to not be like that. So, so then how that shows up in business or in relationships is that person doesn't speak up about what their needs are because they don't want to come across as too much.
Nat 00:13:26 They don't want to come across as a burden. Right. and then so, you know, in terms of self care, they don't make time for self care. unless and less. It's very needed. unless, you know they're broken down for us to take a break and even then it's hard for them to, to just surrender to it. Right. and that's because it's just in their body, they're programmed to say, well I can't do this, I can't even take a break because other people need me. Right. And this, this, this profile is I have these five archetypes in, in my framework and this archetype. This this profile is kind of what I call the no leader. and the no need or is, is is, someone that's learned to, believe that it needs to be strong and have it all together. And it's the one that is often the rock for other people, often taking care of their needs, before their own. Right. And so yeah, this this person will just always take on the responsibility for everyone else and and not, not try to, It's it's learned to believe that it's value that someone's value is in taking care of other people.
Tina 00:14:55 Yeah. It's based on what they can they can do for you. Like, they think that they have to show some kind of value, like you said, in order to be loved or liked or. Yeah. That's interesting. So what are some of what are the other archetypes, if you don't mind me asking? Yeah. for you to go through them. Sure.
Nat 00:15:14 Another one is the sacrifice. The, the sacrifice is kind of what we started talking about. It's the one that, has learned to believe that, that person is too much, or what they want is too much. Okay. and so they'll be loose with their boundaries. They'll water down. what they really want. or the water down, what they put out in the world in terms of, you know, a business owner. I've, I've had clients who thought that their body of work was too much for people to handle or too much for people to get, like it was too out there. That's that's what their belief was.
Nat 00:15:54 And so they held back by not talking about it. and trying to find some other way to share it. But it was never that like I personally I had one client that specifically this they, they didn't want to talk about their body work. They were procrastinating on it for months and they thought oh what I need is, is like worksheet or this like sort of thing that I can share it better. And her husband created for her and she's like, oh, this is exactly what I want. And she still didn't talk about it. And then we led her through my process, what I call the Resistance Release program. And within a short period of time, she was able to speak about her body of work with no resistance, with with no procrastination. Like it just opened it up for her.
Tina 00:16:45 That's really cool. So what is the release resistant program like? What do you go through?
Nat 00:16:52 Yeah. Before I do that, let me just cover the other three. Okay. Archetypes. So, we also have the perfectionist.
Nat 00:17:01 The perfectionist believes that, it needs to be right, but at the same time is spends a lot of energy trying not to be wrong. Okay. so it's often tweaking things, and a perfectionist doesn't have any problem starting over. so that's that's perfectionist. Then we have the over giver. The over giver tends to believe that it can't receive anything unless it has given more. Yeah I know a.
Tina 00:17:28 Lot of people like that.
Nat 00:17:29 Yeah. So, like, even if it if this person were going to be given a gift, if it, if that person didn't have something ready to give back, they were like, no, no, no, I can't receive this. This is too much I can't I can't take this. and so they're constantly pushing away help or support because they don't feel like they can receive it yet. Yeah.
Tina 00:17:51 They don't feel worthy. Almost.
Nat 00:17:53 Right. Yeah. Right. And then the third or the, the last one, the fifth one is the prover or the earner.
Nat 00:18:01 and this archetype, believes that it has to constantly overcome, constantly create more or do more, prove more in order to be seen as valuable in order to receive what it wants. and you know, this is kind of the classic overachiever or, you know, type A sometimes. Yeah. resting. Relaxing is often like a being lazy in their minds, right?
Tina 00:18:35 Difficult to do.
Nat 00:18:36 Yeah. They're on to the next project. before they gave credit for. For the last one. Right. So those so the so those are the five archetypes.
Tina 00:18:48 like that.
Nat 00:18:49 And the reason that I wanted to go through all five is because then in the resistance release process or in the program, what we do is someone comes to me with a specific situation where they're noticing resistance coming up or procrastination over thinking. And we I help them identify which of the archetypes are most active in this situation. once we identify that, then we look at what are the behaviors or beliefs that this archetype, well, believes in, engages in as a way of protection.
Nat 00:19:32 Okay. Right. Like, just pulling something out of my head. Like, maybe the archetype doesn't want, you to look like a fool. Doesn't want to come across as an idiot. And, intellectually, you might just. You might just, like, push it off and say it's not a big deal. But this is not about intellect. This is not about rational. This is about the emotion inside our body. That's that's kind of held in place as protection. Right. So once we get to know what the beliefs are, the habits are then we, we get to be with what I call be with notice and be with the, the sensations where it exists in the body, and we we get to be present with it without trying to change anything.
Tina 00:20:30 Yeah, right. Accepting it.
Nat 00:20:32 Yeah. Accepting it. Welcoming it. so that your body knows that it can feel safe even in the face of discomfort. Right. Because like going back to my story, I used to believe that in order for me to feel safe or for me to feel calm, I needed to block out all noise or discomfort.
Nat 00:20:56 And, but in this process of learning to be with, I got to see that, oh, I can feel this comfort and still be connected to myself and connected to other people. And, what I think is going to happen, you know, what my mind is made up is going to happen based on what has happened before. it's not Necessarily the outcome. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And when when someone experiences that, then something changes in them and they feel, like in a sense, all that energy that's being used to protect is freed up. and they have now more energy. They feel lighter. And then they can also more easily do the thing that they wanted to do. Yeah. Right. Now, after we do that, then we we I have people claim their greatness. and what this is, is that what I found is that not only do we protect against not wanting to come across as not enough or not, you know, not good or you know, all these things we also protect Against being seen as all that, like, really, really owning our power because we.
Nat 00:22:27 Because, I mean, you know, we don't want to come across as egotistic or that sort of thing. And that's that same thing of like we create a buffer, like what really is being egotistic, we're so far from. But in our mind, in our experience, it feels like, oh my God, this is like everyone's going to think I'm being an, you know, I'm being egotistical, I'm, you know, pompous or whatever. But their experience is so not that. Yeah, right. Yeah. So we need to be able to stand fully in who we are, to, to, fully embody our power. And that brings a different energy into how we show up in everything we do and how other people perceive us. But. But what I find is that the thing that causes us to feel not fulfilled is not not really that we don't have the relationships or that we don't have the money. In my experience, when we show up more fully as ourselves, when we stop suppressing and compromising who we are, then we actually feel more joy, we feel more freedom.
Nat 00:23:46 And that that, invites us to create our lives differently, to allow different things in our life.
Tina 00:23:56 Yeah. You're in alignment, you know? Yeah. some of the some of the ways I describe this is, you know, like you're you were born exactly as you and nobody else is like you. You're you're a unique person. There's so many unique. There's so many unique things about you. You couldn't even write it all down in a book. Right? And when you don't show up as yourself, you're not really doing your part. You know, in this time on Earth, right? You're not really. You were meant to show up exactly the way you are. And when you don't step into that, you're not you're not aligned. You know, you're not you're not actually living into your purpose until, you know, you know, if you really want to look at a a very easy definition of purpose, it's basically just being yourself, you know, and accepting yourself and living your life and let it letting it unfold and that that acceptance and that happiness.
Tina 00:24:50 Right. So I feel like I always tell people, yeah, you're not, you know, you're letting everybody else down because you're not showing up as you, you know, you you fit into this, this big puzzle of the world right now. And your piece is extremely important. And you need to, like, learn to show up exactly whatever feels good to you. That's how you should show up. And when you do that, the right people fall into your life. The right, the right. hold on a second. I don't know what. I'm getting little interruptions on my screen. Sorry about that. When you're not, showing up as yourself, you know, when you when you do show up as yourself, like the right, opportunities come, come. You allow these things to flow into your life. But when you're not showing up as yourself, sometimes you're you're not in alignment with them. They're there, but you're not in alignment with them. And so the more that you could really, show up as yourself and really love yourself and accept it, and I really think that's a huge part.
Tina 00:25:54 What you said, the release, you know, it's like, you know, just being able to sit with where you are at and be and, and this is, I guess I should ask you, is it a lot about acceptance of, like where you are and.
Nat 00:26:09 it's. Yes. it's a lot of what you shared there that that I want to touch upon. But first. Yes. Okay. it is it is acceptance. It is like the sense of meeting ourselves with loving awareness. embracing our humanity. Right. so often I think culturally, societally, we meet ourselves with criticism. you know, I shouldn't be feeling this. what's wrong with me? I should be better than this. And and all of those judgmental questions don't really lead to a good answer or a good future, right? Or even a good present. it leaves us feeling crappy. And then. And then from that place of crappiness, we think, well, there's something I need to do differently to feel better.
Nat 00:27:01 and that's not the case. That's not. It hasn't been my experience anyway. what I've noticed is. Yeah, if we meet Your cells, including those parts of cells that are afraid, including those parts of ourselves that are misinformed. If we can meet all of our cells from that place of loving awareness, acceptance, then something changes in us. And and we, we do feel more free to do and have and be how we are. going back to what you were saying before, like I do agree that you know, being ourselves or living our purpose is being ourselves. Like I have come to that conclusion. I will have to say though, that sometimes and this is, this was this was for me. I'm sharing from my experience is that sometimes when I heard things like, well, you just have to live in alignment and be yourself, that my attempt to do that was completely from my head, and I, I was like, well, this is who I am. And this is, this is how this is what alignment looks like.
Nat 00:28:16 But it was fabricated. It wasn't completely true. What changed for me was really dropping into the body and, trusting in my body's wisdom more, you know, feeling, feeling everything that led to more alignment than anything. you know, because, and, yeah, I feel like when I was trying to come from it like, oh, well, you know, you're meant to be here and, you know, you're a gift to the world, like all of that I believed in, but I didn't know how to act on that. because it was still in my head. Yeah. but again, once I dropped into the body and, and learn to be present with it all. then I learned to follow what felt alive. I learned to follow what the next step was, not what I thought the next step was, but really what what was presenting in front of me. And that's probably a big thing with my coaching now as well, is that, it's not so much about following an agenda as it is, inviting people to cultivate trust in themselves, trust in the universe in terms of what's the what, what is the universe? What is the universal wisdom being expressed right now? And let's follow that.
Tina 00:29:50 Yeah. Being able to like, feel that in your body. And I think I think you're right. Like you really need to, get out of your head and step into your heart. You know, it's and I try to do this in my business all the time where, as I used to always. Well, what's everybody else do? And what do they say you're supposed to do? You know, and I'm supposed to do this because this is what works, you know, and and as soon as I let go of that and I was just like, I don't want to do that. So if I, if I start doing that, I'm not going to be happy. And the whole reason I'm in business for myself is so that I could be happy and I could have that freedom that we all want when we're in business for ourselves. And so, this is something I'm really stepping into recently. This is this is fairly, fairly new for me in my business, at least, you know, is is really seeing what it feels like in my heart.
Tina 00:30:40 And then also just like taking a moment to, like, close my eyes and this like, really think about. So if I do this, what is it going to look like, you know, in the future? And what is that going to feel like? Is that going to feel good to me? Is am I going to like doing that? Am I going to enjoy that? Because if I'm not, everybody else is going to feel that through me. Whether people know that they're feeling it through me or whether it's just instinctual, they will feel it through me if I'm not enjoying it. And so I feel like learning how to pay attention and be aware of how things feel in your body, is so important. And that's we have all the guidance we need right inside of our bodies, but we are almost, the way society works now is we're we're putting this state, we're always put in this state of like doing, doing, doing busy, busy, busy. And, you know, moving on to the next thing, as you said.
Tina 00:31:37 And that was me. I was definitely like the type A, I'm the the prover, you know? So it's like, you don't have time to check in and you're never checking in with yourself, you know, checking into your body. And that's, you know, that's where my journey started ten plus years ago when I, really started to, like, do this switch over. And it took me quite a while to, like, Really, learn everything that I've learned, but but yes. Really feeling into the. That's that's the answer that the answer is always, always there in your heart. And they say the heart actually has its own nervous system and its own brain and not an actual brain, obviously. But so I think that's very interesting when you look into the science of it. Yeah. So yeah.
Nat 00:32:24 Something you said there that I want to add to, in terms of like, you know, you said it's taken you ten years and, you know, it's taking you to get to this point.
Nat 00:32:34 And, you know, I want to say do to you and our listeners that, I mean, even for me, as someone that's helping people gain freedom from self-sabotage, it still occurs for me, you know, self-sabotage still, you know, I believe it exists in layers. And we're always going to face new situations that are unfamiliar. And the body may still, react in protection. And the difference for me is that I'm better at not judging it. I'm better at not avoiding it. I'm better at meeting it with more compassion and more gentleness. And that's that's definitely been helpful, because I don't want people to think that it's like a one and done thing and.
Tina 00:33:22 Definitely not right.
Nat 00:33:24 Because. Because it's not. yeah. And then the other thing that I wanted to share that came up was because it really spoke to me was like the, the whole best practices thing. I don't know if you use that word. I don't think you did that, that phrase. But it's like, like I was like this to where, like I would look at other people how to run a business.
Nat 00:33:47 And, you know, they were talking, these are the best practices to do. This is what leads to success.
Tina 00:33:52 Feels so icky now doesn't it?
Nat 00:33:54 Yeah. But like at those times when I used to follow it, I realized what I wanted was a guarantee, and that if I had a guarantee, then I would feel safe. But I never had a guarantee. It never worked because by the time I signed up for a program and one and thought that like, this is the way it felt so excited to do what they were suggesting, but that, you know, it just left me spinning in circles, right? So yeah, my path also has been, yeah, paying more attention to like, how do I want to show up, in business? And how can I do this differently that honors me and the type of, clients audience that I want to work with, right? Yeah. How how can I be in, in more service to them rather than just create the sale?
Tina 00:34:48 Yeah, exactly.
Tina 00:34:50 It doesn't feel good thinking that way. And, And I feel like no matter how much you push yourself to like, try to work that way, you're not going to if you know, if you're feeling that way, you're not in alignment with it. It's not going to work out. You're not going to complete, you know, just like you, the program or whatever it is if it doesn't feel good to you. And I think, honoring how it feels to you and then really looking at your business, you know, and saying, like going through like your offers or, you know, how you work with people, you know, like, you know, anybody who becomes a coach, they have all these suggestions on how you should sell programs or packages or whatever. And it's like, like looking at all that stuff and just being like, what feels good and what what hasn't worked in the past, even though most people are doing it, you know, like, for example, you know, setting up coaching sometimes, with weekly calls, sometimes is a little bit too much for people.
Tina 00:35:49 Sometimes you need a little space to implement in between. So having a call every other week and then, contact in between, maybe by email or text or whatever can be much more beneficial. You can get a lot more done because the person doesn't get overwhelmed, because when a person goes into overwhelm, they just stop and they're not doing anything. And so like setting up the coaching program that's going to work for the individual, you know, having options, not just like this cookie cutter thing that you have to have it this way or that way, you know. And so that's one of the things I always look at. So yeah, it's about it's more about what's going to work for the person and how can I how can I really be of service to them. You know. So that right they benefit and then I benefit also because it's not all like it's not always about the sale. It's also about what I feel like my purpose is. And I'm sure you feel the same way because it's like I went through this and this was my experience, and I want to share what worked for me with other people.
Tina 00:36:49 And most coaches like almost 100% of the coaches that I've met so far and spoke with on the podcast have. That's why I always ask them to share their story, because that's where this, this, purpose that they have comes from. It comes from their personal story. And when when people share their stories, especially coaches, it's, you know, it makes people feel like they're not alone, you know, because because, as you said earlier, going back to the it's not a one and done kind of a deal. You know, there's no coach out there that's doing everything perfect. You know, they're you know, there's no health coach out there that's drinking all their water every day and getting eight hours of sleep and meditating and doing their breathwork and their cold plunge and, and, you know, all of that stuff, you know, so it's it's, it's a, it's a work in progress. And I believe it's just a lifelong process for all of us to, you know, and not everybody is, you know, moving.
Tina 00:37:50 And, You know, some people are very happy with where they're where they are, and that's okay. But like, for me, I just look at it as, I'm just like, a lifelong learner, and I'm, I have a insatiable curiosity about everything. And so it's kind of for me, I will never get to a point of like, I made it, you know, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking. It's more about what I learn along the way and the people I meet and the experiences I have. And how much better can I feel about what I'm doing in the world, you know? So yeah, it's not it's not definitely a one. It's definitely not a one. And done.
Nat 00:38:27 Yeah, exactly. It was definitely about the experience because I mean yeah, like you said, we do never get there in the way that we think we get there. Right? I mean at the end we die. So yeah. You know, game over. Yeah.
Nat 00:38:44 So but you know, there's something that I want to add to what you were saying earlier, because I think it's a really important distinction. okay. You were talking about what we were talking about alignment and best practices and, you know, finding what's best for us in terms of our practice. and then you were also talking about, like, what doesn't feel good like paying attention. That and I just want to caution people because, I'm cautioning people to be really honest with themselves because sometimes what doesn't feel good doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad for us. sometimes we can and I'll speak for myself here because I've done this, I've seen it where I was like, well this doesn't feel like it's in alignment, it doesn't feel good. But it was just my way of avoiding. It was my way of protection. That's a good point. And and so I, you know, created a story that like, well, you know, it's supposed to feel good or it's supposed to feel an alignment. thinking that alignment always felt good.
Nat 00:39:51 And and then I would, shy away from doing things that could really serve me. the way that I started to see through that was I started to see patterns. Right. Like, oh, I did this and then I pulled away and that I did this and that didn't feel good. And I pulled away and I'm still in the same spot. I've just tried a number of things. So it's not that none of them were in alignment. It, you know, it was that perhaps I wasn't. I was leaning into my self-sabotage. I was leaning into protective mode. And I needed to, be present with that first in order to find a better alignment for me.
Tina 00:40:35 Yeah, that's a that's a really, really good point because, I've definitely I've definitely done that too. So as soon as you feel the discomfort, you know, you take a step back and you're like, well, this is supposed to feel good, you know? But yeah, there is. I always one of the things I always say is there's magic beyond your comfort zone, you know? So a lot of times when something really, really scares me, you know, I always say to myself, that's probably something I'm supposed to do.
Tina 00:41:03 And as an example, when I first started the podcast, I just did solo episodes only, and I was terrified to have guests on because I was worried that I wasn't going to do something right. You know, I didn't really know what I was doing tech wise. And but I knew I knew that this was something I needed to do, but it was very uncomfortable for me. And so I went through the steps to make myself a little more comfortable. You know, I, I had a friend on my first guest was a friend. I worked through the tech. I made my kids hop on a zoom call with me, and I work through all the tech, you know, beforehand because I wanted to be professional and and so yeah, that that is an excellent point. You know you need to ask yourself the questions, but for me, the way I resolve that is, and this is not going to work for everybody. I, I'm aware of that, but it's a feeling in my body really.
Tina 00:41:57 So when I lean into something, there's excitement, scary excitement. And then there's scary. That's bad, you know? And so for me, scary excitement feels like opening and, you know, and scary bad feels like, no, that's bad. Like bad vibes, like I'm not I'm going to stay away from that. Usually when I get bad vibes, it's from like a person or something like that. And I don't quite know what it is, but it's usually something to do with that. but good vibes always feels expansive to me. And, so you could check in with your body too. I like the way you put it, though. It's a, it's a that's another way. You know, I think everybody's different and everybody needs to figure it out on their own, whether they're self-sabotaging or not. sometimes it could be really, really hard if you've been doing that for a long time. I know I did, did it for a long time. I still do it. I still do it.
Tina 00:42:56 You know, whenever I get like, a lot of times I self-sabotage when I have to, like, put myself out there. I'm maybe presenting something new, a new offer, a new program, and I'm nervous about it, you know? So I'll I'll do all the preparation work. You know, I do everything perfect, all the preparation work. And then when it comes time to promote it, you know, I'll say things like, oh, I don't want to send too many emails because I don't want to bother the people on my email list or, oh, I don't want to talk about it too much because everyone's going to get sick of me talking about it, you know? But that's what you have to do. And sometimes when you're selling something and you know, it might, I could easily self-sabotage by saying, well, it just doesn't feel good. So I'm not going to do it, you know? but it doesn't feel good because I'm putting myself out there. And like you said earlier, it's like you're always worried about not being accepted or not being loved and kind of, I've grown past that quite a bit now because, like, when I, when I, something doesn't go well, I'm like, what can I learn from that? How like I must have presented it wrong.
Tina 00:44:02 I didn't present the right value or whatever, like, so I have to look into that because I really do think this is a good thing, you know? So I don't make it about myself, you know? But, I agree with you. That was a really good point to make because you could very easily stay in your little safety shell, by saying nothing feels good.
Nat 00:44:22 Yeah. Oh, yeah, and I did, I did, you know. So that's why I think it was important to to share because, you know, we've learned that all discomfort is bad. and, but then you know, it's not it's not actually some discomfort is not I don't say it's not real discomfort, but it's it's based on, conditioning or a narrative that's no longer serving us. And yeah, you know, if we can acknowledge that and move through it, then it opens up a new world for us.
Tina 00:45:00 Yeah, yeah. I can't think of a better way to explain that without sound, you know, sounding like.
Tina 00:45:07 Well, discomfort is bad, but it's like when I. I always relate to things when it comes to, like, business, you know, because it's like a lot of the things I do in my business, while it may feel aligned, it it's not always doesn't always feel comfortable. It almost always is uncomfortable because you're expanding. And just like when you expand anything, just like when you're you're growing a muscle or expanding anything, there's always some soreness or discomfort. Right. And so in order to keep growing, we have to have some discomfort, you know, so this, this magic outside of the comfort zone for sure. And our brains are meant to keep us safe, but that doesn't they're not necessarily meant to keep us in a place of thriving, just safe and alive, you know? So yeah, it's our job to kind of step out of that every once in a while and grow. So this has been a great conversation I love it. how can people connect with you. Where can people find you.
Nat 00:46:07 Yeah. so, I, I just created this, this audio program. It's free. people can go to Inquisitive journeys.com, which is my website slash be with. So I'll send you the link later. I'm assuming they might put it in show notes and that sort of thing. So inquisitive journeys Combee with. It's just this short mindfulness practice to help people, start to be in, start to be more present with what they're feeling, what they're noticing. It's it's the it's what we talked about before of meeting ourselves from that place of compassion and curiosity. Right. and that's the cornerstone, one of the cornerstones of my resistance release program.
Tina 00:47:02 Okay. That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Appreciate it. Yeah. Okay. it's been great talking to you. I want to thank you for coming on and sharing your experience and your knowledge with us. It was it's been a pleasure.
Nat 00:47:16 Yeah. Thank you so much, Tina. This has really been a joy, to to connect with you, to have this conversation.
Nat 00:47:24 and, yeah, I wish you much, much success.
Tina 00:47:28 Thank you. You, too.
Nat 00:47:30 Thank you.
