Tina 00:00:00 We all have to deal with negative people and situations every single day. It's a part of life, but there is a time where situations seem to start become the main focus of our everyday life, those negative situations. And this is when you need to be really intentional about protecting your energy. Today on the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast, I'm talking about all the different ways that you could do this, so let's get into it. You're listening to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. I'm your host, Tina Stinson, and I had a stroke at the age of 39 from stress and burnout that shook my world. Now I'm laying it all out. The deep level self-care practices and mindset shifts that I needed that kept me healthy, balanced, and thriving. Join me in this intimate space as we explore healing, resilience, and the soul's journey to alignment. This is where real conversations about deep level self-care happen.
Speaker UU 00:01:05 Let's get into it.
Tina 00:01:13 Hey guys, welcome back to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. I am so excited to be reporting from North Carolina.
Tina 00:01:22 I'm here for the month, visiting my daughter and babysitting my grand dogs, and I am having so much fun and I'm so happy to be here. But today, what we're talking about on the podcast is how to deal with negative people and situations. So I'm going to share with you a couple I should say, I think I have seven, seven different ways that you could help protect your energy and deal with negative people and negative situations because, you know, there's always going to be negative situations, right? But there comes a time in everyone's life where sometimes it just seems to take over, like, you know, and you can't seem to focus on anything else because it's in your face 24 over seven. And so when this happens, we need to take charge and protect our energy and protect our time and do all the things necessary to help us feel better again and get back over to the positive side. So today I'm going to talk about all those different things, and I'm going to give you some examples of the way I've implemented this in my own life, and how some of my clients to also, but But I love talking about this topic because I one of the lessons I learned and I learned this a long time ago, is that one of the things we have complete control of all of the time when it comes to any of these things in our lives, negative people, negative situations, whether it's on a personal level, whether it's on a work level, we always have the choice of how we respond, right? That's the that's that's so beautiful.
Tina 00:02:59 When you know that when you can embrace that and know that you have a choice on how you respond to this, how you're going to show up and deal with these things, that is one of the most important things for you to realize before we even start talking about different ways that you could deal with these things. That is the number one thing. So once you know that, you know that you can put all of these things I'm going to be talking about and to play because you have the choice and you always have the choice. And before I, before I start getting into the seven different things that I want to discuss today, I just want to talk about the soul aligned Self-care circle. This is a new group coaching membership that I have that just started. There's a ten day free trial. So if you like all the topics that I talk about on the podcast and you want to be a part of a group of like minded women who are trying to better themselves and put all these self-care practices into play, put all these mindset practices into play, then join me in the soul aligned self-care circle.
Tina 00:04:02 They will be a link in the show notes so you can check it out. Check out all the details. And as I said, there's a ten day free trial. So you could go inside and take a look and see what's in there and decide whether you want to stay. And I would love to have you. So definitely take the time to go check it out. Okay. Now let's get into it. So the first thing I'm going to talk about and everybody talks about this all the time, it's a very popular topic, is setting clear boundaries. But it's not just about setting the boundaries, it's about maintaining them. And one of the things I see a lot of people well, with myself and with some of my clients, I've experienced that. They think they they're going to set a boundary. And I used to think this myself too. They think they're going to set a boundary, and then they're going to be able to just walk away, and that boundary is going to be in place, and they're not going to have to do anything after that.
Tina 00:04:56 But the hard part about setting boundaries is that you have to maintain them, and it's 100% your responsibility, meaning that nobody else is going to respect your boundary and help you maintain that. That's your job 100% of the time. And it's not that these people that you're trying to set boundaries with don't respect you. It doesn't mean they don't respect you. They just have their own stuff going on and their own boundaries to set in their own things. And, you know, most of the time I don't think they really mean to disrespect your boundary. I think that there are in some cases, people that will do that on purpose, and you'll learn that pretty quickly. But I want you to go into setting boundaries with the mentality and the mindset that it is your job 100% of the time to set and then maintain the boundary. Okay, so boundaries help us protect our mental and our emotional well-being, our energy. Okay. And this is one of the best ways we could, you know, respond to negative people and negative situations by setting these boundaries.
Tina 00:06:09 And I talk about all the time about how you can spot where you need to set a boundary. And it's very simple. that's not completely simple. First you have to be aware, you know, you have to start paying attention to how you feel. But the second part is really asking yourself the question, where do I feel slighted? Where do I feel like people are walking all over me? Where do I feel like no one appreciates me? Where do I feel? You know, you know, as I said, slighted. Right? And then look at those areas. And usually that's where not always, but usually that's where you need to set a boundary. That's where you need to look and say to yourself, you know, it's my responsibility to set and maintain this boundary. It's my responsibility to show people the way I will accept to be treated. Okay, so we teach people how to treat us. We can't just sit back and hope that everyone's going to treat us exactly the way we want to be treated.
Tina 00:07:03 We have to define that because everybody is different. Everybody has different boundaries. Okay. And, you know, I hear a lot from people, oh, that person, they have ridiculous boundaries. And, you know, honestly, everybody's different. Everybody has different mental capacities. Everybody has a different resilience. Everybody has different circumstances. And so we can't really say that a person is has unrealistic boundaries on unreasonable boundaries because we don't know what they're dealing with. Right? We don't know what's going on in their life. And sometimes a person that's healing and maybe recovering from trauma needs some really strong boundaries, okay, to protect their energy, you know? And it's not any of our business, frankly, whether we think, you know, that boundary is reasonable or not has nothing to do with us. And it's just about that person, really stepping up and practicing some strong self-care and self-love. And, you know, if that's someone that you actually care about and love, you should be proud of them and you should be willing to support what they're telling you they need.
Tina 00:08:14 Okay. And so, you know, I want both sides of the equation to realize that this is it's a very personal thing, setting and maintaining boundaries. There's no societal expectation of boundaries for, you know, for like a, you know, a normal, so to speak. And when I say normal, I'm doing the little quotation marks with my fingers because what is normal? Like there's no such thing as normal. So it's about when you're setting a boundary to protect your energy, to protect your wellbeing. It's about clearly communicating your limits, okay. It's about looking at how you want the situation to go. It's about looking at the other person or the situation itself and realizing that there's another person on the other side of this and and tried and to take into account that they have feelings too, and that, we don't always get 100% of what we need out of everything, you know? And so just like going in with that attitude, and it's about coming up with, I think, the best way to do this, if you're new to setting boundaries, is to come up with a script, You know, basically this is my boundary and this is how I'm going to maintain it.
Tina 00:09:25 So say your boundary is, I use this a lot because I used to work in real estate. So say my boundary is that I will not take any business calls after 7 p.m., and I will return those calls that come in after 7 p.m. the next day. The next morning. Okay. And so so that's the boundary. How am I going to maintain that. So I'm going to shut my phone off or stop answering calls after 7 p.m. I'm going to let it go to voicemail. And then I will check those messages the next day and return those calls promptly. Right. So that's the boundary. So like not respecting my own boundary would be answering calls. So if a client was like oh she doesn't really mean that I'm going to call anyway. So they start calling, right? they leave a message and it says on the message, I'm returning all calls received after 7 p.m. tomorrow morning. Whatever. Then they keep calling back and they keep calling back because they don't care about your boundary. You know, they want to get what they want in that moment, but you're still not going to answer the phone.
Tina 00:10:27 You're going to let them leave a message, and then you're going to return the call the next day. So that's like a very simple way to maintain a boundary. So a lot of times with people, it could be that's almost like a personal boundary for myself. You know, me not respecting my own boundary would be answering the call because I'm afraid of missing out on making some money as a realtor. Right. And so that would be not me not respecting my boundary and then showing that client that they can call me after 7 p.m. They don't need to respect that boundary either. Okay. So that's just a really simple way to put boundaries into terms. And a lot of times, even with the same people over and over again, I will have to keep communicating that boundary to them and reminding them that I do have a boundary there. And it doesn't mean that they don't respect you or they don't care. It could just mean that they didn't remember. Maybe boundaries are new to you. They're not used to you having any boundaries, and so it might take some time for them to get used to you creating this boundary to protect yourself.
Tina 00:11:29 now, setting boundaries at work is probably just like a whole different ball game to go about. I could probably do a whole podcast episode on that. If you're interested in me doing a podcast episode and boundaries at work, just reach out to me. maybe email me or something. Or contact me on, the socials on Instagram. I'm not. I do have a Facebook account, but I do not spend time on Facebook at all. So don't send me a message on there. Send me a message, maybe on Instagram. But anyway, I will do a whole episode on that if you want me to do that, because it really is a it's a, it's a different it's a different animal. It really is. and so, you know. One another way to set very simple boundaries. And you could just do this for yourself without involving other people is whenever you're around a negative person, a negative conversation, you could excuse yourself from the conversations that becomes too negative. You don't want or, you know, gossiping or something like that you could limit your exposure to consistently negative individuals or situations.
Tina 00:12:38 So, this could be really easy if it's, you know, friends or someone like that, it gets a little more tricky when it comes to family members. But, you know, it is possible to limit your exposure to family members and cut off complete exposure to those family members. you might see them on occasion at events or something like that, but you don't have any reason why you have to communicate with them. So it's definitely something that's possible. And I know this from personal experience and from many of my client experiences that they've had that it is possible. Like I always say, we, you know, we might be related to people, but our family are the people that we choose to be in our inner circle, that we choose to expose ourselves to. Okay, we don't necessarily have to include our relatives in our family. Okay, now I'm going to move on to the next thing, okay? I love talking about boundaries that could make the whole episode about that, but I have seven total things that I want to share with you today.
Tina 00:13:42 So the next thing is practicing empathy. Okay, now this might be really, really hard, but trying to see the other side of things from coming from the other person's point of view, why they're acting a certain way, it can really, really help you understand them as a person. It doesn't necessarily change how they're acting. It doesn't necessarily change the decision you make to set a boundary. It doesn't change this decision, maybe to even cut off like contact with that person. It just helps you understand better and it helps you, I think, respond more calmly and in a place of positivity for yourself. It's not about them, it's about making things comfortable for yourself. Okay, so understanding the root of the negative behavior, like for example, if you have a person who can be very abusive, that maybe I'm very much simplifying this right now, but just to make a point. But maybe they came from a abusive situation and that's how they were raised. That's how they grew up. That's all they know.
Tina 00:14:47 That's how they know to get things, with abusive behavior, with bullying or whatever. And so having the compassion for that person as a child, what they had to grow up with, understanding that what they went through caused them to act this way. But on on top of that, not taking any responsibility for that. Like, if that person never takes the responsibility to heal themselves, then they're always going to have these damaged relationships where they can't really, show up completely comfortable. And I feel sorry for people like that, but they do have to take responsibility at some point. So you're not making excuses for them. You're just understanding where it comes from. It doesn't mean you have to accept that behavior. And if they're not willing to heal themselves, then you can't really move forward in that relationship any further, right? And so, you know, you might look at that person and try to understand why they act the way they act. You know, maybe it's insecurity. Maybe it's just anger.
Tina 00:15:48 who knows? You could acknowledge the other person's feelings, without judgment. Like, you know, you could just say, you know, you don't even have to talk about it. This could just be something that you go through yourself and your mind. And then even if you do have a conversation with the person and they start making these excuses, you could offer support if it's appropriate, without taking on their negativity and encourage them to get help. All right. So I'm going to move on from that one. I think practicing empathy could be pretty hard, especially if the other person has been really detrimental to, you know, a very negative experience with you. But I think it's definitely helpful. This was like, very valuable to me, when I was going through my divorce, trying to understand where, you know, my former husband was coming from and where his emotions came from and his actions. it didn't I didn't make excuses for him. And, you know, I wasn't trying to resolve the relationship in any way.
Tina 00:16:49 I was just trying to come to, you know, the meeting of the mind, so to speak, with an understanding of where that other person was coming from. It was very helpful to defuse any anger, and so it was helpful to move forward that way. Now the next thing are this only works in certain situations, but I thought it was important to bring it up. You could always use humor to lighten the mood and defuse tension. This is like very, very surface level. maybe on a maybe on a social level, if you're in a social situation, you know, make lighthearted comments or jokes when appropriate, find humor in the situation without belittling anyone. Laugh together to break the negative atmosphere. Maybe this might be one for the workplace, but, I don't really like doing this in my personal life only because it sets, kind of an expectation that I'm going to tolerate the behavior. using humor can just diffuse anger and diffuse any kind of escalation, I think. So it's an important thing to use at some point in some points, but I wouldn't really recommend using this as a tactic.
Tina 00:18:02 you know, that's going to, help diffuse some really personal negative situations or relationships with people. the next thing I want to talk about is practicing self-care. You know, that's what this podcast is all about. So prioritizing your own well-being helps you stay resilient. And it helps you. It helps you just become more resilient against negativity so that you can respond instead of being in a state of constant reaction. Because when we're reacting, we're not really thinking things through. We're not really, serving ourself in any way. We're kind of almost making, blowing up our anxiety and our stress levels by reaction all the time. So practicing self-care helps you build that resiliency so that you can make the space for yourself, in a calm way to respond, and I, I this is one of the reasons why I focus on self-care. Now I want to I want to say there are two different types of self-care. I talk about this all the time surface level self-care and deep level self-care. Both are very, very important.
Tina 00:19:18 Both are needed, but without the deep level self-care, the surface self-care doesn't always stick, so to speak. So like surface self-care is the bubble bath, the getting the nails done, all those surface things that you do and the deep level self-care is like the setting of the boundaries, right? Managing your learning how to manage your emotions, tuning into your intuition. Those are the deeper level things that you could do to support your self-care. And so practicing all of these things, all different types of self-care, you know, you know, engaging in activities that bring you joy and happiness, practicing mindfulness and meditation and breathwork to stay centered and calm and sure that you're getting enough rest, exercise, and nutrition. Limiting your exposure is sometimes the best way to deal with negativity is is to just limit your exposure to such environments. We all are kind of familiar with the different environments that we put ourselves in, the different people that we surround ourselves with. And if we're in a state where we we know that maybe our maybe our self-care hasn't been, top notch lately, and we're not as resilient as we are usually, maybe not exposing ourselves to those environments until we really get into a better place and gain some resiliency and, know that we are able to respond instead of react.
Tina 00:20:39 Okay. So, you know, we could also like kind of move more towards the positive with this and spend more time with positive, supportive people. You know, look at all the people in your lives and life and say to yourself, does this person like add to me or does this person take away right. Right. And you know, and I'm not saying ditch all your friends that aren't positive all the time and balls of sunshine because, you know, everybody has those negative moments. We all do. We have those ups and downs and it's a part of life, but it's more about those people that are always negative or always confrontational or always like, don't surround yourself with people like that. Surround yourself with the people that build you up, make you feel good, that don't suck the you know, energy out of your life. Okay. Avoid situations or conversations that are consistently negative, like just remove yourself from that. so I, my, certain family members in my life, like, constantly talk about politics and stuff like that.
Tina 00:21:47 And I don't want to. I don't want to like, I'll talk about it sometimes there's a time and a place for it, but not always, right. So, you know, I'll set the boundary and be like, no politics. Like if it's a social situation, no politics. I don't want to talk about politics. End of story. Period. No. Right. So avoid those situations or conversations that are consistently negative, okay. Set specific times to engage with negative people and keep it brief. All right. So that's a really good boundary to set with yourself okay. And start like really kind of controlling your exposure to certain situations. And I would say pay attention to how you feel when you do this. Because if you slowly see yourself becoming more and more resilient because you're not being constantly exposed to negativity. then you could see the benefit of like, maybe removing this from your life or spending as little time within that negative realm, so to speak. Okay. Next. Staying positive.
Tina 00:22:51 Oh, this is one I really wanted to talk about because, you know, there's been a lot of talk about toxic positivity. And it's impossible to be positive all the time when we need to feel our feelings. And yes, I believe that is 100% true. There's no need to stuff your feelings down because they're going to come out at some point. So we need to feel the anger. We need to feel the sadness. We need to let it move through our body. But maintaining a positive mindset really helps counteract negativity. And so it's about being able to move through those feelings and then come out on the other side after you release those feelings. And then once you release those feelings, feelings coming into a positive mindset. So focusing on the positive aspects of your life and surroundings, focusing on the positive lessons, maybe that you learned from something negative that has happened. So like instead of focusing on oh my God, I can't believe that happened to me. Oh my God, I can't believe what I went through and continuously talking about it over and over again, maybe saying to yourself, I can't believe that that happened for me.
Tina 00:23:55 Like, I can't believe what came out of that. I learned this and I learned that, and this changed my life. And now that I've got through that, this is what has improved, right? So looking at the positive things that you learned from going through some of the things you went through and I, I say it all the time like I've been through a lot, but I've learned so many things that made me the person that I am today, and I don't think I would change anything. So, I appreciate all the lessons that I've learned. I maybe would change a few, that's for sure, but not everything. another thing you could do is use positive affirmations to reinforce, like, your mindset. So if you're going through a time in your life where, your mindset always goes to the negative or, you know, you're worried about something that's going to happen, instead of moving into worrying about the future or something that we have no control over, using positive affirmations to kind of switch that over and saying to yourself, well, what if this happened? You know, what if it worked out? What if everything worked out? What would it look like? You know, and like starting to just like, switch the way what you're focusing on to just help you get through that negative time.
Tina 00:25:07 And so there's, there's a way to be positive without being toxic. So that's very important to note okay. Next focusing on problem solving. And I love this one because I can't remember where I read this. I did read it in a book. it was a business book. It was about it was written by an entrepreneur. But one of the things she said, when she goes to a meeting and she has a problem, she's bringing a problem up or something she has a problem with. She always brings a solution. And that's a rule for me. Like, if I'm going to complain about something and I have a problem, I'm going to have a solution too. So and I'm going to bring maybe more than one solution also. So I think this is so important when you're dealing especially this is a good work one too. And so I'm going to use an example of something that happened to me in real life. So there was this I live in a very rural area, and there was this house, the man that lived there, he was older and he passed away, and I think a family member took it over and they started fixing it up and doing all these nice things to it.
Tina 00:26:16 And then they moved in. They had this German Shepherd dog, and they tied the German Shepherd outside, and they left him outside all day. And, and when they first started doing this, I mean, I don't agree. I don't think dogs should be tied outside all day at all. I just I don't think it's I don't know, I just don't agree with it. You guys might think differently, but I don't agree with that. But anyway, this dog. So it was tied out in the front of the house. Very it was very close to the road. And it's not like it was a busy road, but there was one road in, one road out and there was there's probably like 5 or 6 families that live on this road. So there were people walking up and down the road, cars going up and down the road quite often. Right. And so the dog barked non-stop all day. And when I say nonstop, I'm talking nonstop, like, and you could hear like the anxiety in his voice and those of you who have animals know what I'm talking about.
Tina 00:27:14 Okay. This dog was so anxious. So it was a new home. He was left alone. He was tied outside. And not only that, he was tied in an area where there were constant threats coming by. As far as. That's probably how he saw it. So he was very anxious and he never stopped barking. And so I was working all day. I work from home and I heard him all day, and it was the end of the day and I'm like, maybe something's wrong. I'm gonna walk up there with some treats. Maybe he's like, like tied himself up around a tree and he's just, you know, like, maybe his rope is all tied up around something and he's stuck. I just, I figured he must be stuck. And so I went up there, and right when I got there, the owner came home. She's like, no, he's just a big baby. And he's just not happy. He'll get used to it. And so as time passed, to make a long story short, the dog did not stop barking.
Tina 00:28:05 They left him out there every day. I tried so hard. not just myself, but other neighbors. Tried so hard to communicate with the people to try to work out a solution. And so my thought was, If I'm going to complain about this dog, I'm going to have a solution. And so my thoughts were, if you want to keep the dog outside, I don't agree with it. But if you do put the dog in the backyard so it's not right next to the road and maybe he'll bark less, he'll he'll be disturbed less. Maybe he'll feel more relaxed, more safe. So that was my one solution. Or hire a dog walker if If the dog needs to go out a couple times a day. I don't know what the issue was, but she said to me when I talked to her about it, I can't leave them inside all day. What am I supposed to do with them? And I'm like, well, when I go out, I leave my dog inside all the time, even if it's for a whole day, right? So anyway, it was never resolved.
Tina 00:28:56 I had to call the the the dog person of the town and make a formal complaint. When I did so, I offered the solution. I said to the person and we tried talking, but they wouldn't talk to us. And then I offered the dog person a solution that could come up, and I wanted to make sure that nothing would happen to the dog. I didn't want anything bad to happen to the dog. I just wanted the dog to stop barking because I was making recordings and the dog barking was coming up on the recordings, and I had a few recordings. refused. you know, because I create meditations for the oral app. And so some of my recordings were getting refused for the background noise, and I couldn't get rid of it. And so I was having issues at work because of it. And so anyway, long story short, I had a solution. Right? So, now the people don't leave the dog out all day anymore. They do let him out sometimes. He doesn't bark all the time anymore.
Tina 00:29:56 They still tie him up in the front. He does bark, but they only let him out when they're outside. So the dog isn't very anxious, so he doesn't bark all day. So I guess I think everybody's happy except for my neighbor hates me, but, Oh, well. So that's the end of that story. But yeah. Focus on problem solving. So what can you do to improve the situation? Suggest practical steps to address the concerns that you have, and encourage the other person to think positive about the actions they could take. Practice listening without butting in and seeing if their solutions could match up with some of your solutions. So you know and also reflect when you know when you're having a conversation with another person trying to come to an agreement and reflect back what the person is saying. To not just show that you're understanding, but to make sure you're understanding that what they're trying to communicate to you. So, I think it's very, very helpful to not just complain, but always to be able to solve the problem or offer some kind of a solution.
Tina 00:31:01 Okay. The next thing is, I love this one. This is my favorite one. visualize a protective barrier. Barrier. So I think that it's so important to be able to have different rituals and things that you could do to protect your energy and doing like, a meditation. So if you know you're going into a negative situation, whether it be work or with a family member or like so I know a lot of people going into holiday situations where they have to be around a lot of family members. That could be very negative. this is a good practice to do a meditation, imagining a protective barrier around yourself that protects you from all negativity. It lets in positivity and it lets in love. It keeps out any negativity. So just doing a visualization like this before you go into a certain situation sets like the barrier up to protect your energy. Okay. And I, I love doing visualizations like this. I know some people might be saying out loud like, oh, that's just that's a crock, Tina, that's not true.
Tina 00:32:04 That doesn't work. Yes it does. It works. Try it. It works very well. It really it's just about setting the intention that you're going to protect yourself from negative energy. It's making you aware. It's bringing it into the forefront. And so it makes a big difference. So you could like, visualize a bubble or a shield around you that deflects negativity. You know, take some deep breaths, focus on maintaining your calm, and remind yourself that you control your own emotions and your reactions. Or I should say, the way you respond. Okay, as I said at the beginning of this podcast, we all have the choice of how to respond, okay? And it's so important to remember that it's a choice. It's a choice. We have a choice whether we want to constantly be in a state of reaction or we want to learn how to respond. So dealing with negative people and situations, as I said, is a part of life. But how you handle that, how you respond can make a big difference, not in just your life, but also all the people around you.
Tina 00:33:06 By setting boundaries, by practicing empathy, staying positive, focusing on your self-care you know, setting up that protective barrier when you go into those negative situations to maintain your peace. Those are the ways that you could really be able to respond in such a beautiful way. To all the negativity that we have to deal with on a daily basis, so you have complete control over how you respond. You're in charge. Remember this. It's so important. As you move forward, remember that you're in charge. Move forward with confidence and with a positive facing mindset, and you're sure to remain resilient to all the negativities we're faced with every single day. So I hope today's episode was helpful to you. Remember, as I talked about in the beginning, if you're interested in joining me and some other like minded individuals and the group coaching membership, the soul aligned Self-care circle, you could check that out in the show notes. Show notes. I would love to have you. As I said, there's a ten day free trial so you can go on the inside and check everything out, see what it's like.
Tina 00:34:13 Okay guys, I hope to see you there and I will see you next week. Love you. Bye.
