Tina (00:00:00) - Don't you hate the word midlife? I don't know what it is about it. I just hate it. I prefer to use the term second half. And in today's podcast, I'm going to be sharing with you some of the mindset shifts that I needed to make in order to move into my second half. Feeling empowered and happy and to be thriving in my life. So let's get into it. You're listening to the Soul aligned Self-care podcast. I'm your host, Tina Stinson, and I had a stroke at the age of 39 from stress and burnout that shook my world. Now I'm laying it all out. The deep level self-care practices and mindset shifts that I needed that kept me healthy, balanced, and thriving. Join me in this intimate space as we explore healing, resilience, and the soul's journey to alignment. This is where real conversations about deep level self-care happen. Let's get into it. Hey guys, welcome back to the Soul Aligned Self-care podcast. Thanks for joining me today and spending some of your very valuable time with me today.
Tina (00:01:15) - I'm going to be talking about a subject that is very important to me, and that's embracing your second half, making it your best half, and empowering mindsets that you could use to get you through this part of your life. So I don't know about you, but I am well into like midlife. I'm like, well into it. I'm 55, going on 56, but most of the time I fail to even realize this because I still feel pretty good. I feel like I did when I was in my 20s, except mentally a lot better. Just a lot more confidence. I've definitely run out of fucks to give. Oh, and by the way, if you're listening, there's going to be a lot of cursing in this episode. So if you have little ears, maybe put your headphones on. So yeah, I ran out of fucks to give. Good feeling to have. But I truly believe that part of the reason I feel this way is because I'm always working on and upgrading my mindset.
Tina (00:02:16) - This is what I do with my clients, and so it's front and center in my life, and I think it has benefited me very well. It keeps me inspired, it keeps me feeling good. And I also believe a small part of it is also that I've been single for a while. Okay, happily single. But this is. I think this has helped me quite a bit. Hear me out, okay? I have nothing against someone being in a healthy relationship. As a matter of fact, I would love to be in a healthy relationship with an equal partner. That would be definitely a dream come true. But, it's just me here in my household, and sometimes that does suck. There are times like when I don't feel like doing the dishes, or when I'm sick and I need someone else to walk my dog, which doesn't happen. So I have to walk my dog sick, you know? So that kind of sucks. But most of the time what it does is it actually gives me the freedom to do whatever I want, when I want, without any judgment, without any insecurities.
Tina (00:03:20) - I know a lot of people who do have this type of relationship with their significant other, but I never did right. I never had that freedom, or I never felt that I had that freedom. Okay? I like the fact that if I want to change anything about myself and my surroundings, the way I live my life, you know, I don't have to really check in with anyone or take anyone into consideration. And this could be considered maybe a little selfish, but it's not really selfish if I'm living by myself now. If I did that when I lived with someone else, then that would be selfish. So I have that freedom. So I just do it when when I want to change something, I just do it and then I see what happens. Okay, I don't have to really check in with anyone. This has always made it really easy for me to make any changes the way I want to live my life. Test it out so you know how I live my life, where I live my life, what I do for a living, what I do for fun, what do I eat? You know, like how I look, whatever, whatever it might be.
Tina (00:04:18) - I don't really have to check in with anyone else when I do that. Moving in to midlife or whatever you want to call it. I hate the word midlife. I like to call it the second half. So moving into your second half, right, I feel like is like this really transformative time in our lives where we're making these, we're having these big shifts in our life. Like a lot of things happen at this time. So if you're a parent, a lot of times you're moving from being a parent and to not being a parent. A lot of times, I don't know, we usually, you know, tend to like, reflect on our lives when we get to midlife or like, what am I doing, you know, and so entering into being into your second half is a time of amazing change. And I want you to look at it that way. It's not bad change. It's like I'm moving into my second half with all the knowledge from my first half. So now I'm really going to kick ass, right? It's a golden opportunity to rediscover yourself, embrace your life with with happiness and confidence.
Tina (00:05:21) - and using some of these simple mindset shifts that I'm going to go over, you can navigate this transition like feeling more empowered. I know a lot of women I talked to don't feel very relevant. Like you, you can definitely feel more relevant, more successful, more happy and more content and more at peace. Like that's what we all want right now. If you're a man listening to this, I'm not sure how many men listen to my podcast. A lot of these mindset shifts will work for you. Also, this isn't just for women, but I am talking from a woman's perspective, so I like to usually aim a lot of the podcast episodes that I do towards women. So let's let's dive in and talk about some of these mindset shifts that will just make your second half journey more amazing adventure than something to be terrified of. So the first shift you need to do is go from fear to curiosity. Okay, anytime I feel fear. and I'm talking about the type of fear. Not like, you know, a mountain lions chasing me.
Tina (00:06:22) - I'm talking about. I'm scared to. I'm scared to do that. You know, I might say to myself, you can't do that, you know, how are you going to do that? You're too old. How are you going to figure that out? That's going to take too long. You don't have a lot of time left. I love it when I say that to myself. It's going to take too long. I don't have a lot of time left. I legit can live like to be 100 years old, so like literally have like 50 plus years. Less than 50 years actually. yeah, I could do math. But anyway, a lot of time that's a lot of freaking time. Okay. And in today's day and age, I'm guessing by the time I get to be the age my father is now who's still going at 84, like, amazingly, doing all the things, you know, there's going to be all these different, you know, things that we discover that can help us age better and more healthy and feel better as we get older.
Tina (00:07:14) - So I'm just counting on living even longer than 100. Okay. So as long as I feel great the way I feel now. So I have to, you know, when I see this, when something comes up and I'm afraid to do it now, I know at this time in my life that I have to do whatever that is. I have to write. It's just almost like that's how I identify the things that I have to do. If I'm afraid to do it, that means I have to do it almost 100% of the time On the other side of the sphere is magic. Almost always. This has been my experience and it helps me grow. It helps me expand. It helps me meet new people and do things that I never thought I would do in a million years. Right? So like if you told me even like five years ago, that I was going to be doing a podcast, I would laugh. I would have laughed at you. Absolutely. If you told me five years ago that I'd be creating meditations for one of the top meditation platforms.
Tina (00:08:15) - yeah. I would have laughed. Would have definitely laughed at that too. Like, I just can't believe some of the things that I, I do now and how much I love the way these things have changed me. I've met so many amazing people, especially with the podcast all over the world. I can't imagine what I would be doing if I decided, nah, that's too hard to start a podcast. I don't want to do that now. I'm never good. I'm never going to be able to do that. Or another judgement I had before I got started was I'm not really a good speaker and you know, I do struggle sometimes. You guys hear me struggling all the time on here, but it doesn't matter if I don't have the perfect speaking voice, or I have a little bit of a New York accent or whatever it might be, I'm not a perfect speaker. It doesn't really matter. It just matters what I'm saying. It just matters that I'm showing up as myself. That's how I feel.
Tina (00:09:05) - And I'm not going to be for everybody, obviously. But there are going to be people out there that I can help and that I can inspire, and then I can empower to, like today, live their best life going into their second health. So, I have to say, whenever I'm trying something new, I let go of all those judgments. I just say, you know, pardon my French, but who cares? No one really cares. It's just me. No one's paying attention to what I'm doing. Nobody's watching me. And, like, writing down all the mistakes I may make as I, you know, move into having this podcast and talking to the guests. No one's really keeping track of that. Everybody's really just worried about themselves. So, you know, who cares? The only one who cares is me. I would be the only one holding me back. Nobody else. So I'm here to tell you, if you have a thing that you want to do, just do the thing.
Tina (00:09:59) - Just start today. So what you need to do. Like so. Fear of the unknown could be like a big, huge, scary monster. But, whenever you're curious about something that does help you move forward. So get more curious about what you want to do. Start looking into it. When you start to do this, you start embracing the curiosity. It opens up like a new world of possibilities. Like once you start learning about this. That's what I did with the podcast. I just started learning how to do it. I even bought a course. The course was insanely helpful. Super inexpensive, super simple, super helpful. It helped me start the podcast. It was amazing. Amazing. And it, just like I said, opened up a whole new world of possibilities. it keeps your life exciting, right? so always ask yourself, what if I did succeed? Like, what if I did succeed at what I want to do, you know, and. And then what? Right.
Tina (00:10:55) - So as a baby stop to get started, I'm going to give you a baby step for each one of these mindset shifts. I want you to try something new every single day, even if it's something small, a quirky like hobby, a new flavor of ice cream or candy or food. Try some new food. I don't know. Try watercolor in one day. Try going for, you know, a hike in nature. Maybe that's something you never did. find someone to go with. I don't know, there's so many different things. Just try something new. Go on Google and say type in. I love using Google. I love talking to Google like it's your friend. It's like or or Siri. I got to be careful when I say that, okay, my phone is off. But anyway, you could just be like, hey, listen, what's something new I could try today that, you know, free and easy to implement and give me 20 things I could do. Right. And there you go.
Tina (00:11:48) - So an affirmation for this is just like I said earlier, there's always magic on the other side of fear and doubt. So remember that there's always magic on the other side. Now moving into our second mindset shift, you need to go from self-criticism to self-compassion. This is so important, and I feel like this is one of the best things about being in midlife or being in your second half. See, I have to train myself to stop saying that I don't. I don't think there's anything bad about midlife. It just it just kind of like, sounds negative, if that makes sense. I feel like second half is. Sounds better. I'm not sure why. Let me know what you think, But in this time in your life, as I said earlier, you run out of fucks to give. They just run out like you gave so many in your 20s, right? There were so many that you gave away. And as you got older, you gave less and less, but you were still giving them.
Tina (00:12:48) - And then you reach a certain point where they just run out. You just don't freaking care anymore. And this is I'm going to tell you a story about a moment I had when this when this really I embraced this. Right. And I, I learned that it was like a positive thing that really supported me. So I let my hair start going gray. I think it was like 2018 or 2019. I'm not really sure. I let it I stopped coloring it because my hair was getting damaged, it was getting thin, and I just didn't want to keep dying. My hair, that dark color. And then the grace just kept coming in faster and faster, and I just knew it was just bad for me. It was also really expensive. I just I felt like, wow, there's so many better things. Wouldn't I rather get a massage every month and get my hair done right? It's like just so many better things that you could do with that money. so when I let my hair grow gray, it was when I noticed how much everyone had to say about my appearance.
Tina (00:13:46) - right? And also felt the need to tell me. Complete strangers. Complete strangers, especially on the internet. Of course. It was so interesting. Some of the things I were told were like, no man is ever going to want to date me. Definitely proven false already. Every woman like men just don't care. Like and there are some men that care, but most of the time they don't care. The good ones don't care. you're going to look worn out and haggard. And, you know, my question to that would be like, to whom? Who's going to think I look worn out and haggard just because my hair is a different color? you're going to look ten years older. Or some of the comments I got was if you dyed your hair, you would look ten years younger. Well, who the fuck cares, really? It's not like, why do I need to look younger? Seriously? I'm not. Why can't I just be me? Why can't I just be my age? It's not like I want to date younger men.
Tina (00:14:37) - I barely want to date men at all. Right. So it's not like I want to be with younger men. What would I have in common with younger men? Nothing like. Do I want to raise someone else's child? No, I did that. Been there, done that. Don't want to raise any more kids. So I'll tell you what did happen, though. I was casually dating this man. We went out on a couple of dates. Right? We weren't like dating, dating and just having fun. And we went out on a we were out one night to dinner and I said, I don't know if you noticed, but I might. I have like, you know, I had that line of demarcation where you could see my gray hair coming in. It looked like crap. You know how it looks like crap when you're growing out. It's so hard, and I didn't I said, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm letting my my hair grow out. And he was like, appalled, Like, I don't know what he was thinking.
Tina (00:15:25) - Maybe he was thinking like, I just didn't have time to do it or I'm not sure what he was thinking, but he said, you know, like, why would you do that? Don't you want to look as young as possible? And I was like, no, that's just not really that important to me. But it was very important to him. And I think I learned that day that he tied his hair, which I had no idea. so I just I just was baffled, like, why? Why do I need to why is there this need for women to always look younger, always be young? Like, why are we considered not relevant as we get older? It's just a bunch of bullshit. And the more and the longer we play into it, the longer it's going to be held up that way. And I was just like, so the answer to that for him, I think, was to be relevant was to be at his side. It's just a look thing, like he wanted me to look a certain way to be with him.
Tina (00:16:16) - And there's a lot of men like that. So one of the most fantastic benefits of letting my hair go gray, that I didn't expect was not just healthier hair, but what it did was it it weeds out all the complete asshole men. It weeds them all out. They just leave me alone. Like I don't look a certain way. That the way they want me to look. And that's all they're interested in. And I was just like, this is brilliant. Brilliant, right? So I have to say, when I started to accept myself exactly as I was, with all the imperfections that make me, me right, this is when I really felt comfortable. I, I looked at how amazing my body was. I created three amazing humans, I run marathons, I am able to recover and heal like we're all perfect, exactly the way we are right now. Whether that be, you know, healthy, unhealthy, whatever we're going through at the time, we're all perfect in the moment that we're in right now.
Tina (00:17:14) - So we all have have to acknowledge how amazing we are, and we have to accept how amazing we are and all while always striving to grow and expand and be the best version of myself. I'm not saying, oh, I'm amazing, I'm just going to stop right here. No, I always want to strive to be a better person, to be, to show up as the best version as I can and learn from my mistakes and move forward. But I have to be able to accept myself right where I am in order to be able to do that confidently. And so this acceptance was something I learned from letting my hair grow gray. And I really kind of got lucky because, right, I did this right before Covid. So right when it started getting super horrendous, where I had like a line of demarcation, like through like the middle of my, the side of my head was when Covid hit and everybody started doing that also because nobody could dye their hair. So I just everybody just looked like me and I fit in and I wasn't seeing any people anyway.
Tina (00:18:13) - And so nobody even noticed me growing my hair out. Right. So, if you could say that that's one thing I got out of Covid. It was definitely that. So why do we need to do this? Right? We all have that inner critic who loves to, like, nitpick all the little things about yourself. I'm telling you to start to replace it with, you know, like the inner best friend. Okay. The best the the version of you that looks at all those things that I just talked about, like, I, I've had three babies, I've created three amazing, amazing human beings. Right. That alone is amazing. The process that your body goes through. I recovered from a stroke. I, I healed after I tore my hamstring completely like all these amazing. And I run Still, I'm able to do all of these things. Still. My body is amazing and I'm just learning. I'm still learning how I could make myself even better. So start replacing the inner critic with, you know, your inner cheerleader.
Tina (00:19:14) - Okay, so when you do this, when you have self-compassion and self-love, it reduces stress and it boosts your emotional resilience, right? Like you just it's almost it's that shift from, you know, running out of the fox. Right. So it's like I feel like that should be a t shirt. It's got to be a t shirt somewhere. If not, maybe I should make one. But one of the steps that you could do is like every day, like if you're a journal or even if you're not, start journaling. Journaling is so powerful, but just write down one thing that you appreciate about yourself, either right now, in that moment, or something that you did in the past. That was amazing. Just start writing one thing down every single day, like make it a part of like your gratitude, okay? Because you're awesome. I'm awesome. So you need to celebrate it every once in a while. You need to acknowledge it. So, as Brené Brown would say, talk to yourself like you would talk to somebody you love.
Tina (00:20:12) - Exactly. Don't say any mean things to yourself anymore. That's it. All right, moving on to the next mindset shift. I want you to go from regret to gratitude. So we can certainly build up a lot of regret in our life by the time we reach. You know that second half Mark, right? Holy shit. Some of the things that I did, you know. You know what I realized, though? I laugh at some of the things I did and some of the things I don't have many regrets in my life. I have a few. And one of the things I did, as I move into my second half, was if I felt like I really did something that slighted somebody else, if I really felt it, I apologized. Like, I think I probably went to each one of my children and apologized to them for something that I did. Because I look back now and I'm like, Jesus, what was I thinking? Right. You know, you're doing your best in the moment.
Tina (00:21:09) - You're doing the best. But nobody, nobody's perfect and nobody knows all the rules. Nobody knows what they're doing. So. So, I feel like, you know what I realized, though? Like, the more the more mistakes and failures that you experience in your life, the more success is your experience. Okay? Because you're just you're just trying more stuff, okay? Also, your life is way more fun and interesting the more mistakes you make, right? So what are you waiting for? Just like, get out there. Like earlier I talked about trying new things like, you know, and just fuck up a lot. Just make sure you're fucking things up. But another thing I absolutely know for sure is that no one, and I mean no one on this planet knows what they're doing. Nobody does. We're all just winging it. There's no instructions to life. And the ones who are taking the most action, that have the most failures and have the most fuck ups are the ones that have the most wins and they have the most fun.
Tina (00:22:09) - So I'm sure if you really know, all the apps if you if you if you know a really successful person, you probably just all you do is you get to see the part where they win, the part where you're like, oh my God, look at what they've created. Look what they did. you know, just pick any famous person, any successful person, right? You only see the outcome of all the work they did. You don't see everything that brought them to that place. And sometimes you see people and it looks like they were an overnight success, but that is just not the case. some one of the things I really love doing on audible is listening to the stories about the musicians. This is a perfect example of that, because I love learning how they got to where they are today. And, especially the women in music, I have to say, the path that they took. You would not look at them and be like, oh my God, like back in the day, they would never say, oh my God, they're so successful.
Tina (00:23:09) - It's just like one struggle, a struggle after another struggle after another struggle, a fight and another fight. And then all of a sudden they're this, you know, famous person and you just think, oh, look, they just got famous one day. Like they put out one song and got famous. No, there's there's a whole lot underneath that. But I'm telling you, though, there's a whole bunch of fuckups, behind all successful people, a whole bunch. So start embracing and having gratitude for everything that you, you know, for all the failures, all the lovely lessons that helped mold and shift your life. They help direct you. They help you learn, embrace them for the free education that they are and let go of the regrets. Regret. Why do you need to do this right? Regret is like carrying a heavy backpack and gratitude and. Yeah. Gratitude is the key to like, lightning. That load. Okay. Gratitude makes you happier. It makes you healthier. It makes you more abundant.
Tina (00:24:10) - So who doesn't want that? so gratitude turns what we have into enough. That's what gratitude does. All right. Moving into the next mindset shift, going from scarcity to abundance. Okay, scarcity to its scarcity mindset can make you feel like there's never enough. Abundance is about seeing the endless possibilities around you. So one of the things where I noticed that this is so like abundantly noticeable is in nature. Whenever I think that we're not in an abundant world and I'm feeling, you know, that scarcity mindset sneak in. I always think of nature because where I live, of course I live in a very rural area, so this is what worked for me. This might not work for you if you're, you know, in Manhattan or whatever, but this works for me because when I look outside and I see how there is an abundance of everything you could possibly need, and learning about herbalism and stuff like that also has made me see that everything we need is right around us. Every everything we need for all our ailments, everything.
Tina (00:25:23) - It's just growing right from the ground. So like, you know, in the country when you're living in a rural area, you don't have a lawn like lawn. Now, now, after living in the country, I find lawns ridiculous because there's so many other things that you can plant that would be way more prettier or useful, better for the environment. Lawns are just something we've been sold to to spend more money. Spend and spend and spend, you know, like so we have in in the grass. Like if I look in my grass, it's not grass, it's just a bunch of it's plantain, it's clover. It's time. It's I can't even there's so many different things. It's dandelion. These are all things that are all medicinal. We're abundant in all these things. Just look it up right now. Like Google it. What does red clover do? What does what does plantain do? What does dandelion do for my health? Just look it up right now. It's all. All of these things heal us.
Tina (00:26:22) - That is my lawn creeping time. So creep in. Time not only smells delicious, it smells like time. It also makes these little purple flowers. And it also doesn't really grow very high. So you could literally put creeping time as your front lawn and maybe even like a little bit of clover and you barely going to have to mow your lawn. You're going to have a lot of bees, though, so it would be better for the environment anyway. Embracing an abundance mindset makes you feel fulfilled, open to new, and it really does open you up to new opportunities. So take a look around in your life and look at all the things that you have abundance of like. So I have an abundance of t shirts like I'll never run out of t shirts. There is abundance of all these different plants around me flowers, trees, wildlife, birds. all day long I get to listen to birdsong. You know, it's just right now, if you could hear it in the background, it's just everywhere.
Tina (00:27:20) - I am surrounded by beauty and abundance, like every day of my life. And it's it's absolutely amazing. So what in your life do you have an abundance of in a positive way? Don't focus on anything negative in a positive way. What do you have an abundance of? Maybe you have an abundance of money. Maybe you have an abundance of friends or love in your life. Maybe you have an abundance of like animal pets in your life. So use a baby step that you could take is Is use affirmations that focus on abundance. Like, Like I said earlier, I'm surrounded by abundance and beauty in my life. I said that that's exactly what I tell myself whenever I'm starting to feel lack. I live in a world of abundance and possibilities, which is 100% true. There's so many possible possibilities and opportunities. And when you start to have this abundant mindset, that's when the opportunities, that's when you'll notice them. But if you have a mindset that there's no opportunities, there's no possibility. For me, you're not even going to notice those opportunities when they pop up, because as far as you're concerned, they don't exist.
Tina (00:28:32) - So it's like start opening your mind up to the abundance and the possibilities, and the opportunities will show up the next mindset shift moving from comparison to authenticity. Oh my God, this is so important. This is a this was a big one for me. And this is a big one for a lot of people, especially women. I always say that comparison is the killer of all dreams. I really, really do believe that. It just kills dreams instantly. It just is. How many times do you find yourself wanting to try something new and you see someone? You'll see someone already doing it. Worse yet, maybe they're even younger than you and they haven't mastered that. They're doing it so good. And then you think to yourself, oh, I'll never be that good. I'm too old. I don't have enough time, you know, like, she's so she's so ahead of me, like whatever other nonsense comes up into your head and then you end up not even trying. Dream killed. End of story.
Tina (00:29:29) - So what you don't realize is that you are completely unique. There's no one else like you in this world. No one can do anything like you. Do it. And if you dream it, if it's something that comes into your head, it's already. It's already manifested somewhere. Like if you if you're thinking of it, it's in your brain. It's already it already exists somewhere. It's your responsibility to bring it into the world and share it with the world. Your version of it. Not someone else's version. Not some young woman that you saw doing it. Not some older person that's been doing it for years. Your version. No one else can do it the way you can do it. Nobody else can create it the way you can create it. We're all unique beings, all of us, and we all come from different circumstances with different blessings and different challenges. And the truth is, there is no comparison because there is no exact thing that we can compare. Nothing. None. So comparison shouldn't even exist.
Tina (00:30:31) - There are no two exact things that you can compare when it comes to human beings. So embrace the magic of just being you. The unique version, all of the quirks, all of the things that you think are bad about you. All of the things that you think are good about you. These are all you, and it is your job in this lifetime to do just that. Embrace the magic of being you and share yourself with the world. And why is this needed? Because comparing yourself to others is is a one way ticket to feeling inadequate. And as I said, it's the killer of all dreams. Being your authentic self is so much better. Okay? There's nobody, as I said, nobody else can do it. And it's your job to bring that version of you into the world. So the benefits of doing this, it helps build self-esteem and it creates genuine connections. Because when you're showing up 100% as yourself, you're going to make the right connections with the right people. When you're showing up as someone else.
Tina (00:31:30) - Those aren't going to be those genuine connections. It's not going to be the it's not going to bring you the right people into your life that you need to really connect with. Okay, so the way you could get started with this is just reflect on all your unique strengths and your talents, all those little quirky things about yourself, and celebrate them. Even like all the things that are really messy about you. Those celebrate them. Write them out. How can you benefit from those? How can you share some of the things you've learned with other people to make their life easier? And and remember that you're one of a kind, so there is no comparison. So that that could be like your affirmation. I'm one of a kind. There is no comparison. Whenever you compare yourself to someone, just say that out loud. So, famous quote be yourself. Everyone else is already taken by Oscar Wilde. That's that says it all right there. Okay. Number six mindset shift got quite a few here.
Tina (00:32:32) - Move from perfectionism to acceptance. I remember when this happened for me. I was forced into this though at a young age, so I had to let go of perfection when I became a single mom of three kids, I quickly realized instantaneously that it was an impossible task to raise three children by oneself, and any form of perfection inside of that realm does not exist. It just doesn't. There's either, you know, there's two things like either you're half assing everything or things are just done. They're just done. There's no perfection. Okay. I actually don't think, perfection is exists because it's all in the judgment of the the eye that that person's eye, the way they view things. And so I think that actual perfection does not exist if you were talking about it, socially. Okay. Like as a from a social perspective, learning this lesson when I was raising my kids made me. It made me able to let go of having things to be perfect before I started things. And now I just say, let's do it.
Tina (00:33:38) - Let's see what happens. I don't wait until I feel like I have all my ducks in a row to start something. If I think of doing something, I'm just like, fuck it, let's just do it and I'll perfect it later. I'll improve it as I go because I really don't know how to make it perfect right now. I'll learn how to make it perfect as I go. So what perfection does is it keeps you stagnant. It keeps you stuck. Perfection does not exist because everyone has a different definition of what perfect is. Okay, so chasing perfection is exhausting. Absolutely. Because it's impossible. It's something that you can't reach. So embrace the beauty of being messy and embrace your imperfections. acceptance of this reduces stress and increases happiness. I could I could tell you 100%. Once I let go of the perfection, I could focus on the things that really mattered. And that was my kids right at the time. So a baby set, that, baby step that you could take is let go of some of those small expectations of perfection each week.
Tina (00:34:46) - You know, one of the things I talk about a lot with my clients when they're are stressed out is, is decluttering and reducing friction from your life. And, you know, you would think, you know, decluttering makes things very neat. But what decluttering does is exactly what I said. It reduces friction. So it doesn't necessarily mean that. I mean that everything is perfect, right? It just means that it's it's a well-oiled machine. And so like I would talk about things like, you know, I have this saying ditch delegate do. So what can you ditch altogether? What can you delegate to someone else? And what do you absolutely have to do in your life? And so a thing that you can delegate is you could delegate things to your kids, like, you know, household chores, things around the house, helping them take responsibility, being a part of the household, which they are, something they're going to need to do as an adult. So they need to learn how to do it.
Tina (00:35:40) - And so, like I remember myself, what was hard for me, like if I asked, like the kids to fold the laundry, was I used to like, have a certain way. Everybody has a certain way that they fold towels. It may be no way of folding a towel, but everybody has a way to do it. And I had a hard time letting go of my perfect way to fold towels and how I wanted them to be stacked and the, you know, the closet. You know, I had to let go of that all all that really mattered was that there were towels that were clean, that were available in the closet, and they weren't on the floor. Right. That's all that mattered. So you have to, like, let go of that, that expectation of it being exactly your way. Let go of the perfection, because that just causes stress for you, mostly you. And it can cause stress for like if we're talking about the children to put that on them, to put your perfection on them, you don't want to really do that.
Tina (00:36:38) - So imperfection is beautiful because it's original. So just saying I accept myself completely as I am, flaws and all is really a really good affirmation. so, another quote for you perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence. I kind of like that, but I don't know if I agree with it 100%. Chasing perfection sounds, it sounds stressful, but at the same time, while I don't expect myself to be perfect and that quote was by Vince Lombardi, by the way. But anyway, I don't expect myself to be perfect. But I do always try to be better. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't let it stop me from doing things, that's for sure. Okay, next. Number seven, moving from isolation to connection. Okay, this one's like a sensitive subject for me because I'm still working on this. This is something that I'm definitely experiencing right now as I write this, because I live in a very, very rural area. Most of the population is like 20 years my senior.
Tina (00:37:50) - While it's it's absolutely gorgeous in the summer here and in the fall, but the winter. Oh my God, winter is coming. Has it like a new meaning here. It'll push you into nothing but like, serious depression. Unless you like being outside and having your eyeballs freeze. Or you like winter sports, which I don't. But I do struggle to make connections here because, as I said, most of the people are 20 years my senior and I do have some friends, that are a lot older than me that I love very, very dearly. And I'm very grateful for them. But I do long for somebody that's more in my age range, and a lot of the people here have very, very different values from myself. And so it could be really difficult to have connections. So I have to be very intentional about making connections, maybe online and also getting the hell out of here as much as possible to connect with others outside this area. So I'm very lucky that my kids live in really cool places.
Tina (00:38:47) - I have kids in New York City. I have kids in Charlotte, North Carolina. Very cool places to visit, and so I try to do that as much as possible. so it's a work in progress for me, but I can feel the importance of making this change sooner rather than later, because I could I could see the importance of having that connection, having that community near you. And it's really good to have, you know, connection everywhere, as I said, like online and in different areas. But having that support system where you live is really I think it's really important. And it doesn't have to be a ton of people. It could just be 1 or 2 people. I can't remember where I heard this. It was on a podcast and I think it was the Mel Robbins podcast, because that's the one I religiously listen to. But anyway, I think she said, if you have one person that you can call in the middle of the night, 2:00 in the morning or whatever, just to talk like you don't have to have a reason.
Tina (00:39:46) - It's not an emergency and they wouldn't question it. Then you're doing good. You're doing okay. So as long as you have that person, so I right now I'm making the best of the relationships that I have near to me and far and the online ones that I have. I'm very intentional about nurturing these relationships that I do have because they're so important to me, including the relationships with my children. why is connection needed? so when we're when we're in transition, it's exactly that. It's a transition. We change and so and so do others. And this can sometimes feel really, really lonely because sometimes you're changing from a person that you were into a new person. And it doesn't really fit in with some of the, the people that you were connected with, the community that you were in before. Maybe you shifted a little bit and you need to move outside of that community a little bit. So, intentionally connecting with others can fill your life with more joy and more support. And it does sometimes have to be very intentional.
Tina (00:40:52) - But as we get older, because when we're younger, anybody will do. Think about it. Like when you're young, like you all hang out together, you have like all these, these, these people that your friends with like, say in high school or whatever, you're all insanely different, but you just all tolerate each other because you have no choice. But then as you get older and you get to know yourself better, you're more picky about the different people that you let into your life. People always say it's more difficult to make friendships as you get older. I don't think it's more difficult. I think it's because we're less willing to have someone in our life that doesn't align with our values. I think that's all it is. And so you have to work a little harder at finding those people. That's all there is to it. So the benefits of connection, it helps enhance your emotional well-being and it builds a strong support network. I would go even further than that. I think it has a profound effect on your health.
Tina (00:41:44) - I think they say people who are lonely, it affects it shortens their lifespan as much as if they smoke like a pack of cigarettes a day or something like that. I don't know the exact amount, but something like that. So a baby step that you could do is reach out to a friend, that you may be someone who's important to you, that maybe you haven't, like, talked to in a while. I love giving shout outs to my bestie on here, Janet. Like, because we're always be friends. We've been friends since she held my hair back when I was puking at age 14, the first time I got drunk. We've been friends since then, and so she is, We'll always be friends, whether we're talking to each other or not. But very recently we started talking more, and it just, She said it to me. It warms my heart. And it does. It warms my heart, too. So reach out to a friend, join a community. Like if you're if you like, I don't know, you like running like me.
Tina (00:42:43) - Join a running group. If you like painting, whatever it is you want to do or volunteer. Connection is just key. So, work on, you know, strengthening the connections that you have. And if you're blessed to have like a beautiful, connected network of family and friends, then just nurture that and, be grateful for it. That's all I could say. Number eight, moving from stagnation to growth. Now, this can be really difficult because when you're feeling stuck, a lot of times you just don't know what you could do. And I'm feeling a little stuck right now in my life. And that's why I've been really focused on this. I've been focusing on sharing what I do to get unstuck because that's how I feel. I'm definitely at a growth period in my life. What I mean by that is usually when you're feeling stuck, it's because you're you're longing for growth in your life. It's because you're unsatisfied with where you are. So it's very frustrating and there's almost always a lesson in it.
Tina (00:43:41) - You know, you have to ask yourself those questions. Why do I feel this way? What the heck do I want? You know, answering these questions. Doing some journal work can take some time, but they can help you move through the transition and really do it in a way that's intentional, like moving yourself in a direction you want to go in instead of just letting it take its course. Okay, but what I've noticed, working as a life purpose coach, is that when we feel stuck, we're usually holding on to something that we need to release. And also we usually have fear of the unknown ahead of us. It's usually a combination of both of those things. And so asking yourself those questions, what am I holding on to that I don't want to release? And then what am I afraid of? You know, what am I? Sometimes we're afraid of the good things that will happen because we have to leave some other things behind that we're afraid to leave behind, you know, like so you might say to yourself, if I do that, then this person might not like me anymore, or I might not be connected to the if I move to a new town, I'm not going to be connected to this person anymore.
Tina (00:44:45) - So it might be like one of those two things. So asking yourself those questions, what do I need to release? What am I afraid of that's ahead of me? Are really, really good journaling questions to move into. If you're feeling stuck, being in like that midpoint of your life and moving into your second half is full of so many emotional big changes. For a lot of us, not everybody. It could be overwhelming. You know, as I said, this is when we go from being like, if you're a parent, like a full time parent, like when I had three kids and I was a single mom, and then all of a sudden my youngest two went off to college, I knew I was going to have all this time, so I started filling it. Before they left, I actually bought a business and even though I already had a job, I bought a business because I knew it was going to be like this shockwave for me. I was unwilling to face what all I did was prolong what I had to face.
Tina (00:45:44) - You know? I kept myself busy in order, in order not to face that quiet moment in my life. So I just prolonged it, you know, it was it was going to come at some point anyway, but, you know, go from being a full time parent to maybe sometimes parents not like you're not a parent anymore, you're just not as busy. You free up a lot of your time. those questions that you ask yourself, like when you when you get to that midpoint in your life, you start to, you know, reflect because you're like, wow, I'm so much closer to death, you know, what am I doing with my life? Who the hell am I married to? Like, I do nothing for fun anymore? What happened to that fun version of myself? When did I get so serious? Who the hell am I? Where did the real me go? Like you're asking yourself all of these questions. And even if you're not a parent, there's like so many transitions.
Tina (00:46:33) - A lot of us go through midlife because we change so much, like separation and divorce and career changes and thinking about retirement or for most of us, never retiring. And how can you move in to being, you know, that older version of yourself and still work, right? It's a bit overwhelming to think of it all, but this is why we feel stuck. So and I do so many podcast episodes on why we feel stuck and how to get unstuck. And if you feel stuck, you know what you should do. So definitely I'll put a link below to some of those, but definitely binge the podcast on this. So many things about getting unstuck on here. so definitely check it out. You could probably listen to at least ten episodes, if not more, about getting unstuck. So feeling stuck is absolutely no fun. But I want you to embrace the stillness for a moment, because sometimes there's purpose behind the stillness. It's it's meant for you to reflect. It's meant for you. Like.
Tina (00:47:35) - Like I said earlier, I avoided that stillness because I didn't want to face it. There's a reason that we're meant to face that. It's so that we can transition better, so that we could start contemplating what direction we want to go into. It's so that we could learn from what we've been through so far. So embrace it and then embrace the growth that that's ahead of you. Like keep moving forward, keep taking little steps, curiosities to move forward. So when you when you grow, this growth promotes personal and professional development. It keeps you like motivated okay. It keeps you excited. It keeps you inspired. You have to create this for yourself. Nobody's going to do it for you. So a little baby step that you could take is to set. I'm a I'm a big advocate for small baby steps. So set small achievable goals each week, each month, whatever you know is aligned with you so that you keep growing right. And remember to celebrate when you reach those goals. It's so important.
Tina (00:48:35) - This is what creates the momentum. This is what helps our brain want to move on to the next thing. This is what helps keep us inspired okay. So sometimes okay, here's a good quote I looked up all these quotes, before I did the podcast, and I put them. I wrote them in the blog. So if you're interested, you could read the blog, but it says the only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. Alan Watts I love that quote. Absolutely. So one more time, I'm going to read it one more time. The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. So I'm trying to inspire you to do this today. So there you have it. All of the eight. So there were eight mindset shifts that I shared today. by embracing some of these playfully, you could turn your second half into like a thrilling adventure, which sounds so much better than just, I don't know, retirement.
Tina (00:49:39) - I don't know, it's just a thrilling adventure. Sounds quite, quite right to me. And I think a lot of us are, welcome to having a thrilling, thrilling adventure in our life. So remember, change doesn't happen overnight. But with a bit of practice and shifting, you can transform your outlook and transform your experience. You're in charge. You get to create the experience that you want to have in the world. You are the creator. So embrace your journey with an open heart and watch as your life becomes more fulfilling and vibrant. Remember, this is important. You're the same fun, adventurous person you always were. Go and explore ways to entice that side of you to come out and play again, and live your life right now. Keep your heart open to love, to excitement, and to challenge and be at peace with yourself. So here's to a fantastic, amazing, exciting second half full of ups and successes. A journey filled with love, laughter and endless possibilities. Lots of love.
Tina (00:50:50) - Oh, for more guidance and support and accountability in getting unstuck and embracing change in your life. You could put a link to set up a call to see if working with me would be a good fit. I could point you in the right direction, but I'll I'll put a link to that in the show notes if you're interested, and having some of that support, guidance and accountability. Okay, lots of love. Until next week guys. Bye.
