Hello Soul Aligned Self Care Family,

Do you always find yourself saying " Why does this always happen to me?"

Then this episode is for you!

Whenever I talk about what I call re-framing, turning your setbacks into success, I always label it as one of the most transformational lessons of my life.

The reason I say this is because I spent so many years in victim mode. What I would give to get some of that time back.

I was a victim, so it was hard for me to understand why I shouldn’t act like one. It kept me small, it kept me safe. Safe is the keyword. This is why so many of us stay in victim mode instead of taking responsibility for ourselves. 

So what is victim mode? It's when we are a victim of some sort of mistreatment and we make excuses for ourselves to stay there by saying things like. Why does this always happen to me? I have the worst luck. Why do I always get treated this way? 

This is where you can make the shift. Instead of asking why is this happening to me, you start asking,

“Why is this happening FOR me?”

I know, this is a hard shift to make when crappy things are happening to you every day sometimes. 

What made me realize that I needed to make this shift is that I was:

• Stuck for so long
• People in my life cared about me and felt sorry for me but could do nothing to help me
• The only person who could help me was myself.

I’ll say that again because this was the moment I realized what I needed to do. 

“ The only person who could help me was myself.”

I knew I was a victim, it sucked, but why stay there and suffer and keep saying poor me. 

I had to suck it up a bit and start figuring out how I needed to shift, how I needed to change, What lessons and skills I needed to learn to move forward, better myself, and be the victor and not the victim anymore. 

That was the moment my life changed massively for the better. Just making that decision was empowering. 

I rest is history. I no longer stay in victim mode very long. I do spend some time there sometimes but I know how to move forward now and empower myself to take responsibility for how I respond to what life throws me into. 

I always find the lesson or the positive. However, I will say, with certain things, I sometimes can take a while, years even. Like when my mom passed. What good came of that?? I still don’t have a lot but it definitely changed how I view myself and feel in my body. I became a better person, empathetic, and caring. 

I’m going to share with you the process I take myself through every time I feel like a victim. It’s just a few questions. I either ask myself out loud or for tougher situations I’ll journal it out. 

Here they are:

• Why is this happening for me?
• How is this trying to help me shift my life?
• What do I need to learn?
• How Do I need to change, or shift?
• What do I need to do differently in this situation to make it improve?

I think you get it. I just keep going through these questions until I can see where I need to shift or discover what I need to learn.

When you do this over and over again you begin to focus on solutions instead of staying in stuck victim mode. Eventually, you automatically look for solutions and spend very little time feeling sorry for yourself. You realize that this is a waste of your precious time. Your most valuable asset.

***Another way to start to get good at this is to look at some of your past difficult situations in your life and in hindsight, look at what you might have gained or learned from that situation. How did it shift your life and how was this a positive experience for you overall? 

This can be sometimes easier to look at when you're not in the thick of it. 

What is a situation or experience in your life right now that you can start to apply these questions to?

If you would like more guidance and support with this application you can join me in the Soul Aligned Self Care Bootcamp where there is a lesson about this and when you sign up for this next session I will be working with you through this lesson personally. 

The wait list is open and registration will open December 1st! >>> https://www.tinastinson.com/aligned-worthy-ps

Xo, T

P.S. I have a new support container opening soon for the holiday season that goes from December 1-30 where we will have a daily 10-minute retreat of self-care and self-love to help keep us stay calm and supported during the holiday season. Keep those stress levels down and joy levels up. Holiday Harmony: 30 Days of Holiday Ease is Coming soon!

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Lots of love and care,

Xo, T