Live With Purpose Series - Set Boundaries To Create Space In Your Life

Set Boundaries To Create Space In Your Life

Boundaries are one of my favorite things to talk about because I believe they are the foundation of a high level of self-care and self-love. Also, I am an award-winning recovered people pleaser so I constantly have to work on maintaining my boundaries for myself. 

First things first, what is a boundary?

A boundary is what you are willing to allow or not allow in your energy space.

I want to start by explaining something really important that a lot of people miss.

We are all different, we have different strengths, weaknesses, likes dislikes, love languages, and different patience levels. So naturally, we will all have different boundaries. That's why it's so important for you to set them and MAINTAIN them. It’s your responsibility to do this for yourself. What you think might be an obvious boundary, might not be to someone else and vice versa. 

This is why it's your job to let them know that this is a boundary for you. 

There is no societal boundary rule book that everyone follows and if anyone tells you that there is or they judge your boundary as unreasonable then this is just another chance for you to make sure you maintain that boundary. 

After all only you know how you feel in any of the circumstances in your life. No one else gets to decide that. 

So if someone in your life is complaining about your boundary, that's just proof that it needs to be there.

How do you know when you need to set a boundary? This is a great question. 

When I was a people pleaser I viewed myself as the cool girl that was just easygoing and so easy to get along with. But what was really happening was that I had no self-love, no confidence. I was afraid that if I let people know what I liked and disliked, maybe they wouldn’t like me. This came from years of emotional abuse in a romantic relationship. 

When I was in this place it was really hard to recognize where the boundary needed to be because I lost the connection with myself, I had no self-trust. 

Here are a few ways to start to become aware of a needed boundary.

• Do you ever complain that somebody is taking advantage of you, walking all over you? This is where a boundary is needed.
• Do you ever complain that someone doesn’t respect you? You need a boundary.
• Do your feelings get hurt a lot because of the way someone treated you or something they said to you? Boundary alert!

So the first step for you is to start to pay attention, and when you find yourself feeling these ways, like a victim, think about what kind of boundary you can put there to protect yourself. 

Let me get clear, this is not about being mean, it's about doing what's right for yourself so in turn, you can be the best version of yourself in your life. Be happier.

So where do you need to create a boundary and then maintain it? Make a list in your journal.

The big question is, how do you create and maintain a boundary?

I’m not going to lie, this can be awkward at first, and a little hard. Especially if you are a people pleaser like me. 

But the payoff is huge, peace, time, less stress, and happiness!

So here are the steps and then I’ll give you an example. 

1. Find where you need a boundary, and become aware.
2. Write out what you think the boundary should be to make you feel better.
3. Create a script to use when you need to share your boundary with someone else.
4. Always maintain the boundary, and don’t let anything slide. If you do, there is no boundary.
5. Yes, it’s pretty black and white. Boundary/No Boundary.

Example: Every time I have a disagreement with my partner they will start to raise their voice and get very angry making it impossible to resolve any conflict.

I feel: Not important, hurt, not heard, unloved, anxious, not secure, and not emotionally supported.

The boundary: Whenever the partner starts to yell and get out of hand I will say, “I can’t have an intelligent conversation like this and I’m very uncomfortable. If you don’t stop yelling I will walk away & we can continue this conversation when you can talk to me in a civil way. 

Maintaining the boundary: When they don’t stop yelling, walk away and try to approach them at another time when they are calm. Put this on repeat until they respect the boundary.

Writing out a script for yourself to practice is so important. Especially if you’re new to doing this. 

You can practice with a friend, a coach, or just in the mirror. This way when the time comes you’re well-versed and more confident. 

Do not be hard on yourself if it takes you a few times to get it out of your mouth correctly. Just keep going and you’ll be a pro before you know it. 

Here are some of the transformations when you learn to set boundaries.

• Less stress and anxiety around certain people's social situations because everyone already knows what's important to you and what's unacceptable.
• More time for yourself because you have learned to say no to things you don’t want to do. 
• More time for yourself and less time arguing.
• Better, more intimate, and authentic relationships with people because you're sharing your true self.
• More time to do the things you love with the people you love.
• More energy because you have less stress & anxiety.

So worth it, right?

That's a big payoff for a little bit of discomfort. 

So get comfortable with being uncomfortable for a little while so you can create more time and peace for yourself.

Xo, T

P.S. 

I wanted to remind you to sign up for the free, 3-day workshop I’m doing, Inspire, on December 27, 28, & 29th. I’ll be doing it live in the Soul Aligned Self Care FB Group and I’ll leave the recordings up until the new year. 

Not into FB, You’ll also get an email with the recording sent to your inbox, so be sure to sign up.

This isn’t just a goal-setting workshop. This is a value-packed workshop combining goal/dream planning while also getting truly ALIGNED with your values and PURPOSE in your life.

I’ve been working on the workbook for a couple of days now and I think you’ll love it. Not only is it pretty but it will help you end your year with confidence and grace and start your year in an inspired, powerful, position. 

I go through this process every year and I also add something new every year. 

It will be so much fun.

If you’re ready to put yourself first and create your best year thus far, then hit the link below and join me for a fun inspiring 3-days!

>SIGN UP HERE>https://www.tinastinson.com/inspire-free-3-day-workshop