From Exhausted to Empowered: How Women Can Recenter and Thrive

Recentering Yourself to Thrive in Life Long-Term

Many of us, especially women, spend a large portion of our lives centering others. Whether that be a partner, children, or caring for parents. It looks different for all of us. 

From a young age many women are taught to be the caretaker from our mothers, as they were taught. We are taught to take care of everyone else first, this is our purpose, this is how we survive. At least that is where this behavior came from. 

It wasn't too long ago that women couldn’t have a bank account, couldn’t own a house, without a man. So, as a matter of survival this is what we did and how we were taught your mothers to survive.

Now, things are a changing. Women don’t need a man to survive. As a matter of fact, I think as a whole, women are better at managing life because of the way we were raised. 

But the lasting remnants of this are still around and there are many women who still put everyone else first before themselves.

It’s Partner, Kids, Job, then whatever's left over for her. 

When it should be yourself first, then everything else. 

When we begin to put ourselves first. Our health, spirituality, and passions, then we get to approach the rest of these aspects of our lives as the best, most well rested version of ourselves. 

Everyone benefits from this, you, your partner, your children, everyone. The world is a better place. 

This can be a very hard step for many women to take. It feels wrong in their body because they were taught as I said, from a young age to be selfless. 

That word, SELFLESS, that says it all for me. Without Self.

Let me just clarify that I had the best mother, she was amazing and was doing the best she knew at the time. I mean I really won the mom lotto!

What I run into a lot in my practice are women who are completely exhausted, burnt out, stuck in life, they don’t know themselves or even how to have fun anymore because they've been centering others for so long, they've lost that connection with themselves. I support them on their journey back to themselves and show them how to care for themselves at the highest level. Then they are not only at peace, content, happy, and successful, but they get to show up for their loved ones as that version and not the empty shell they felt like before. 

When it comes down to it, we are responsible for our own happiness and health and if we don’t intentionally take care of ourselves, we will lose our happiness and health. 

Now I’m sure there are a few women that think it’s selfish to put yourself before your kids, right? I know your here right now. But it’s not like I’m saying get up and go and let the kids fend for themselves while you go out for your morning latte and yoga. No, this is not what I’m saying and anyone who knows the kind of mother I am knows this. 

It’s about checking in with yourself and needs on a regular basis and making sure you're filling those needs. Whether it's rest, fun, or connection. 

Making time for these things and not putting them last on the list or not on the list at all, which happens more often than we realize. It’s just easier not to do it. 

What does this look like? 

Making sure you're well rested. Having all members of your family helping with household duties equally. Women usually carry most of this on their including the management of the household. Like inventory of groceries. This is not only added work but added mental weight that she bears all of. 

There is a lot of labor, invisible unpaid labor women take on. This takes away from all areas of her life including the mental and physical capacity to care for her partner and children. 

Now, I’m aware this is not black and white and that there are households who do this already. But it’s definitely not the norm. 

A Lot of what is needed to start centering yourself is for us to start setting boundaries in all areas of our life and maintaining them. So, with the above example I used, start delegation tasks to others in the household and then let go of the responsibility. Don’t manage it. That's still you, doing the work. 

Letting go can be hard, we may not like the way others do things but if you want more rest and time, then this is what's needed. 

We have to start implementing what I call the 3 D’s. Ask yourself, what can I ditch all together, what can I delegate, and what do I have to do?

After we create this space for ourselves and feel well rested, we then have to start to look at our passions and connections. 

What things do I love to do that I let go of to care for others and how can I add these things back into my life? Let me tell you too, you have to be really intentional about doing this because it will feel so indulgent at first. Because you've deprived yourself for so long. 

What I see with a lot of my clients and myself when I started doing this is guilt. Guilt for having fun and feeling good. It’s been so long since they did something for themselves that it doesn’t feel right. So, we have to be intentional and allow ourselves to have the fun and the rest. 

So how would you spend this new free time you have? Plan it, put it on your schedule, and do it! No matter what!

Next is connection, where have we lost connection? 

The funny thing is that even though we’ve spent so much of our time caring for our partner and children, the connection isn't there. This is because you became the manager, the boss. You're not supposed to be just this! Both adults of the household should be taking on this title, not just one. This also includes divorced and separated households. There should not be one person taking on all the responsibility. Kids are also a part of the household and should have some part in it. 

It should be a group effort and not put all on one person. 

When you start to center yourself, you then create the space for you to connect on a deeper level with your partner and kids. You get to show up in their lives as the well-rested, happy, fulfilled person instead of the exhausted, cranky person they know right now. 

How do we get started?

This always starts with checking in with yourself. Put your hand on your heart, take a few deep breaths with your eyes closed and then ask yourself? 

What do I want my life to look like? How do I want to spend my time? What am I passionate about or what was I passionate about? How do I want to feel? 

Journal this out.

Then ask where I feel slighted? Where do I feel walked all over? Where do I feel taken advantage of? 

Journal this out too.

These are the places in your life you need to start. You need to start setting boundaries, delegating, and making space for yourself. 

When can we redesign our whole life to work in our favor and in turn everyone else's too. 

We get to design the experience in our lives. We are the only ones that can do this for ourselves. 

Creating one where you feel great, fulfilled, at peace, and connected is a decision you have to make for yourself. 

What’s your decision? What will you create for yourself and your loved ones?

I hope that at the very least I have piqued your interest into centering yourself and you start giving yourself the deep level of self-care and love you deserve! 

If you would like support, guidance, and accountability in the process you can reach out to me HERE<<

Lots of love and care,

Xo, T